Admissions

Kindle Purse

I must be rather serious about my current wave of reading.  I bought a purse specifically so I can easily carry my Kindle.  It fit in another purse, but it's an awkward fit.  I wanted to buy a more stylish purse than my usual utilitarian ones, but in the end, I ended up with utilitarian.  And olive/army green utilitarian at that.  As usual, I got it at Ellington.  They actually make much nicer bags, but in the end, my style is usually the travel bags they have versus the fancy ones.

Ultimately, this an admission that neither of my Butler Bags suit me.  I have tried every which way to make those purses work, but the simple truth is I was far more organized before them.  I will likely still use them occasionally, but at this point, they're not the right purses for me.  Such a bold admission.

Sigh

Stupid depression has reared it's ugly head again.  I have been doing my best to deny it.  For several worsening months I've been attempting to convince myself I just need to do this or that and it'll get better.  It hasn't and has gotten much worse.  The past week or so has been bad enough to force me to admit it. So now here I am rushing to the PMHNP (a new one that is in-network) to get a prescription for anti-depressants right before we leave for Mexico.  Nice.  Truthfully, I get really angry about all of this, which is why I don't admit things earlier on in the process.  Mostly I get angry that I can't force myself to just be happy.  I have so much, yet I need medication to be OK with it?  So there it is. Avery watched about 3 hours of TV yesterday (not in row ... I consoled myself that it's better if it's in 30 minute chunks even though I have no proof this is true and I doubt it is).  Today will hopefully be better.  She's at school on Friday, which is when I have my appointment. 

Eddie is old

This morning, Eddie seemed to want to go out at 6 AM.  He's been this way for years, bugging us to get up well before we're ready.  So I ignored him until 7 AM.  Finally, I get up to let him out.  He poops on the floor on the way to the door and I step in it because I wasn't quite awake yet.  I got mad (at D, because that is the logical thing to do), then I felt awful.  Poor Eddie.  We've had a few of these poop-in-house incidents during the night/early morning in the past couple of months, but I thought they were because we don't always force Eddie to go out right before bed (he resists and I get tired of making him).  I made him go out around 11 PM last night and it still happened at 7 AM this morning.  So, in another admission to myself, I have accepted that Eddie has officially moved into old age and I need to recognize that and treat him accordingly.  Fortunately for me, dogs eagerly accept apologies.