Repurpose

Tale of a repurposed diaper pail
Overall, the switch in our kitchen to composting food scraps has been an easy one. The only slight snag has been that Avery can't reach the compost bin until she takes it all the way off the counter, which is both fraught with risk and a pain in her adorable little buttocks. However, I may have just found a solution that allows me to repurpose the diaper pail.

We bought the motion detector diaper pail. The one you wave your hand over and it opens up automatically. Of course, we couldn't use that feature because every time the dogs would stand in front of it  and wag their tails, that sucker would pop open, which just meant the house was stinky if the dogs were happy. Anyway, I've had a hard time getting rid of it because I just felt like we could use it for something. I am not one to hold onto stuff for "just in case." But I do hold onto things that I just have a feeling about. I went out to the garage this morning and saw the diaper pail and it hit me! Diapers are smelly and food scraps can be smelly; diapers need a bin and so do food scraps; Avery needs to be able to reach the compost bin and the diaper pail is the perfect height! I've lined it with a paper bag for the moment. If this bin works well, I'll look into getting compostable plastic bags that are large enough for it. Or maybe the paper bag will work just fine. I haven't been bothered or annoyed at all with washing out the small plastic bin that I know lots of people line with the compostable bags.

Pick it up or lose it
I'm attempting to institute a new policy in an effort to keep the clutter to a minimum. Avery loves little toys and little pieces of crap treasure. I find them everywhere. It's driving me batty. Last night I explained to her that she would have five minutes to tidy up any toys laying around or out of place in three locations: downstairs, upstairs, her room. For each location, she gets five minutes to tidy up, then I come in and sweep through and pick up anything she's missed or didn't pick up because she got distracted playing. Those things go in a box. She cannot have anything in the box back until she puts away ALL things in the box. I'm quite sure it's going to be a very full box.

It's so hard for me to come up with a system to get her to follow because I'm terrible about leaving things laying around. I'm neat in the sense that, when I clean up, I clean up completely. Everything must have a place, however, I'm terrible at keeping things in their places on a regular basis. But I'm determined not to pass this trait down to Avery. Or at least to maybe make her a little more likely to not leave a trail of stuff behind in her wake as I do.

We'll see how well it goes. We'll see if I can stick to it. Most importantly, we'll see if I can find a box large enough.

Walking & Food Logging
I'm still doing very well with my daily walking. Go me! I'm also sticking to my food logging. While I do go over my calorie goal maybe 25-30% of the time, it's usually not by much, and it definitely decrease how much I'd go over if I weren't tracking. My weight loss has plateaued for the moment, but I'm not discouraged by it. I think because I feel better overall. The 8 lb I've lost since my high were some uncomfortable ones.

Waning

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Waning blogging interest

My interest in blogging is waning.  I find myself not really wanting to update the blog.  I'm not sure why the change.  Blogging has seemed less interactive lately, not just on my blog but on friends' blogs, too.  I used to get a fair amount of information about the lives of my friends through blogs, but now it seems to be more through FB or other avenues.

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Proud

When I picked Avery up at school today, one of her teachers said to me that she always tells herself that she has to find out what the parents of Avery and another child in the class are doing because that's how she wants her kids to behave.  {blush} 

Then she told me another story about Avery on the playground that, for me, blows the first compliment out of the water.  Apparently there were some kids who weren't letting Nolan play in a particular area of the playground today.  Avery went over there and stood up for Nolan. She explained to the little girl that she should let Nolan play and asked her if Nolan's face looked happy [that he was being excluded].  I about burst from pride.  It's a relatively small thing, but I am constantly telling Avery and Elise to include Nolan when they're playing - or rather insisting they cannot exclude him.   I don't feel like I ever make progress on that during play dates at my house, but maybe I'm getting through enough to make an impact on Avery's behavior elsewhere.

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Rare

This morning, Avery woke up and was crying for me after 6 am.  That is unusual.  What is more unusual is that I didn't wake up when she did, but D did.  I usually wake up if Avery breathes loudly, so that I didn't hear her screaming for me is very weird.  D usually sleeps through everything.  I feel like I've been sleeping much more deeply lately. It's all very odd.

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Short sale house

We got a message from our Realtor yesterday regarding the short sale house we'd put a bid on.  The bank accepted another offer.  It was also discovered recently that there's an additional $50k judgement lien (unrelated to the house) against the seller.  Anyway, who knows why the bank went with another offer.  It might have been a higher offer since we know there was at least one other offer higher than ours, or it might have been because it wasn't going to be our primary residence.  I guess it doesn't really matter.  Ah well, there are plenty of houses.  We'll find something perfect for Mom eventually.

Bucket

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Vegas trip bullets

• Vegas was great.  We didn't do much other than lounge, eat, sleep, and eat.  For the first time, we rented a poolside cabana.  That is on my "must do" list for Vegas from now on.  It made all the difference in my enjoyment of the pool.  Guaranteed shade - check. Misters - check. Personal cabana attendant - check. Plenty of room to leave my stuff laying around - check.  Since I don't actually ever go in the pool, lounging accommodations are key for me. 
• We didn't make reservations at any fancy places this time, but did eat at a nice tapas place, Julian Serrano, in Aria couple of times.  I'm not a huge fan of mushroom risotto normally, but I absolutely loved it there.  It was perfect.
• Vic was quite pregnant looking.  She's due on Labor Day.  She and Mike haven't gone all sappy with the pregnancy.  That's the hardest thing about friends having babies, imho - are they going to completely change and go all sappy?  So far, we're looking good. 
• Avery did great while we were gone.  She apparently said twice that she missed us: once the day we left, then once on Sunday.  When she said it on Sunday, RHG explained we'd be back the next day and this was an acceptable answer for her.  When we went to pick her up at school on Monday afternoon, she ran towards me fast and furious and looked like she was about to cry, but just ended up hugging me tightly and saying "mommy" over and over.  It was so wonderful to get back for that hug. 
• We didn't pack until the morning of our outbound 9:30 flight to Vegas.  In case you're wondering, that's not a good idea.  In case you're wondering, I'm sure I'll still do it the next time we have a 9:30 flight.  
• We hit In N Out twice.  Each time I ordered my burger protein style.  I am very pleased to report it really didn't diminish my enjoyment of the burger!  In N Out uses such high quality lettuce that it does substitute as a bun in function.  Ordering a Burgerville burger protein style (i.e. bunless and wrapped in lettuce) is less successful since they use a less rigid lettuce.  It makes it much harder to eat.
• I paid $8.65 for 1 liter of water in the hotel.  I'm still floored by that.  Still. 

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Patience Bucket & Eddie 2005

I've been thinking a lot about my feelings during this post-Eddie time.  I bawled like a baby during the actual euthanasia session, however, I haven't cried since then.  I haven't even felt much more than wistful. In fact, it feels like a gigantic weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  It feels like I have a spring in my step.  Like I'm not trudging through mud everyday.  While I was aware that Eddie and his deterioration were weighing on me, I didn't realize the extent to which it was affecting me. 

I think many years ago, the loss of a pet didn't elicit much empathy from others. It was more a shrug of the shoulders type thing from what I've read.  That is definitely not the case now.  In fact, the empathy was almost too much because I felt somewhat emotionally inadequate in that I dealt with his death so well.  Thinking about it, I believe it's because I grieved Eddie's death during the last years of his life, rather than after his death.  For the previous two years, I would occasionally start crying on a walk when I'd think about Eddie not being able to do the trail walk anymore.  Or I'd start crying when I thought about losing him.  Each time I cleaned up yet another pile of poop, I'd remind myself to be patient and kind to Eddie because there would soon be a time when he wasn't around.  This type of grieving took a toll on me.  I don't have an infinite patience bucket.  When my patience bucket is empty, I feel overwhelmed and irritable.  And much of my patience bucket was being used during the first morning accident with Eddie.  Trying to replenish the bucket throughout the day as more and more accidents were happening, and my 3yo was acting like a 3yo, just wasn't working.

At the time, I kept thinking, "It's just poop.  You clean it up and move on with you day.  Why am I finding this so difficult?"  The patience bucket concept hadn't entered my mind.  But it's really hard to run the day's race when you come out of the starting gate and trip into a pile of shit.

Eddie was a terrific dog.  I miss the Eddie of 2005.  I miss his spirit and his love.  I miss his happiness and enthusiasm for life.  I miss Eddie 2005. 

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Avery & Sleep

It's been a while since I've documented Avery's new nighttime habits.  I like to go back and see how we progressed or regressed, so here goes.  One recent change is nice and holding somewhat strong.  For the past couple of months, around 6:15 or 6:30, Avery will ask insist on going to bed.  Normally we start the bedtime routine around 7:30 and wrap up with it about 8:00 or 8:15.  On these nights when she insists on starting early, we wrap up about 7:00.  She does not usually go to sleep any earlier on these nights, but rather chooses to play in her room or on her picnic blanket (i.e. a blanket placed on the floor at the threshold of her door).  She plays dress up, makes patterns using her bibs, plays with cars, puts her babies to sleep, whatever.  Sometimes she does her best to get out of her room.  The only thing that releases her from her room is going potty, but she's trying a few other things.  For example, last night, first she said she needed her bibs that she'd left in the living room.  We granted permission because her bibs are always important to her (meaning, this isn't a made up thing that she really wants).  A while later she said she wanted to go potty.  That was obviously granted.  The next time she announced she needed to come downstairs because she wanted to show us the hole in her bib.  To that both D and I answered an emphatic, "No!" and Avery ceased her tricks to escape her room for the evening.

For the most part, we still take the approach that she chooses when to go to sleep once we leave her room, but she must be somewhat quiet and in her room once we leave.  For the most part, this results in an extra 30 minutes or so of quiet playing (sometimes more, usually less) before she finally decides to go to sleep.  It works for us too because it takes the power struggle out of bed time since she never actually protests starting the nighttime routine.  I'm consistently and eternally grateful* she doesn't protest at all when we announce it's time to go to bed.  We have all sorts of other battles during the day (combing her hair, brushing her teeth properly, getting dressed, etc), so a battle for bedtime when I'm most tired is not one that I want.

For the past, man, I don't know how long ... 6 months?  More? Less?  Anyway, for a long period of time now, she's been sleeping in our bed for anywhere from 1-6 hours in the early morning hours, depending upon her arrival time.  D has pondered whether we should do something about it, as have I.  I have landed in the camp of it doesn't bother me, she goes to sleep in her own bed/floor alone without a fuss, and I like having her sleep with us for a bit, so what's the harm?  I think I might have a different reaction if she wasn't able to fall asleep on her own, or insisted that she fall asleep in our bed, but I don't know.  All I know is that since it doesn't keep me awake like it did when she was a baby, I don't mind having her sleep with us.  I actually really like it most of the time.  The other night she wandered into our room on the early side of the night and D and I were still awake reading.  She opened the door and paused when she saw our lights on.  Her hair was all tousled, she was very sleepy looking and she was "sneaking" quietly into the room.  We said it was OK for her to come in, at which point she woke up completely and started jabbering away about coming into our room and how she just needed to bring in a bunch of bibs.  After fetching about 20 bibs and placing them in our bed, she climbed up and proceeded to fall asleep within a minute with D and I smiling at each other the whole time.  

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Offspring Goggles

Talking about the smile between D and I when Avery joins us in our room, or when she's just talking and talking and talking about something, reminds me of a post Heather did called Shared Sight.

I can't speak for all parents, but I know Todd and I see our children with biased eyes. When we spout the clichés about Eddie and Mari being the two most interesting, captivating children we've ever met, we actually mean it. We delight in learning more about therm. And I'm perfectly aware that others don't think they're as amazing as Todd and I do. Even their grandparents don't have quite the same fascination. It's a parent thing.

While Heather was addressing this shared sight in terms of open adoption, I see it similar to what I call Offspring Goggles - like beer goggles, only with children.  The goggles don't eliminate my ability to see Avery's misbehavior or offenses towards other children - as if she has any ;) - but they definitely enhance her infinitely in our eyes.  One of the greatest gifts of parenthood, to me, is the shared love D and I have for Avery.  No matter what, I can go on and on and on about how cute and how smart and how everything Avery is to D, and he always sees it the same way.  Because, damn it, we just adore that little girl so very much.  She's just perfect to us.  Even her imperfections are perfect to us.  We both know, as I think all parents do, that others don't see her the same way we do.  We know that what is adorable and amazing to us is usually just another skill most kids acquire at some point, yet we still get to experience this elation together.  And that we get to do that because we are still married and both still alive and still happy together is something for which I'm eternally grateful*. 

* Don't ask me to compare these two things for which I'm eternally grateful since I cannot think logically when sleep is involved. Also asterisked because I wanted to note that yes, I do know I used this sappy phrase twice in one post, but I meant it both times. 

Tickets

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Tickets

I have implemented a new system for Avery and TV.  So far, it's working very well.  She gets one ½-hour of TV in the morning as a freebie. After that, she has to earn three tickets to watch one ½-hour show.  She earns tickets by doing chores around the house.  At first I was going to have her earn tickets for small things she was doing right, like if she put her shoes on immediately after I asked her to do so vs. forcing me to ask her 20 times to do it.  Then I thought about it and decided that I don't want to provide rewards for doing things she needs to be doing anyway.  Instead, I've been asking, "Do you want to earn a ticket?" When she says yes, which she always does, I come up with a small chore to do, like tidying up her room, tidying up the living room, or feeding the dogs. 

So far, she likes to do the chores, but better, she understands that if she doesn't have enough tickets, it won't do any good to keep asking to watch TV.  She asks once, I ask if she has three tickets, she says no, I ask if she wants to earn, then she does a chore.  It also worked very well with Elise and Nolan here this weekend.  The girls could pool their tickets and could earn them together.  Most of the time, they got so distracted doing the chore that they'd forget the goal was to earn a ticket. 

I'm sure this, like all other little programs implemented, will lose its novelty in due time, but for now, woohoo!

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Household maintenance season has begun 

This season always reinforces what D and I have always known: we are not meant to live in a house.  We are meant to live in a condo or townhome with very little exterior maintenance.  That at least cuts back on all the crap you have to do. 

This morning the guy is here servicing our A/C unit.  I have been informed that we need to build a little wall around the A/C unit to keep the mud from washing into it when it rains really hard.  This should be common sense, I know.  However, I never go out there to even look at the darn thing, so how was I to know that mud was washing into it?  Do other people constantly walk around their property looking for this stuff?  The only outdoor space we truly use is our deck, so I am not surprised I didn't notice mud washing into our A/C unit.

We are also going to have our lights ripped out of the front yard.  First, they look horrible.  Second, while our lawn service guy was here getting our sprinkler system turned on, we discovered that our system out front is all screwed up.  Partially because they didn't change very much when switching from grass to landscaping last year; and partially because it was messed up from the beginning.  We have one sprinkler head that pops up and then sprays water directly onto a rock ... and nothing else.  Another one has a head designed to spray 15' in either direction when it only needs to go 3' in one and maybe 4' in the other.  And that's pushing it.  The lights are also placed in such a manner that they're blocking sprinkler heads.  Not to mention, they will always be a huge maintenance factor, which is something we weren't told.  Argh.  All I wanted was a few spotlights on trees!  It just got blown out of proportion because they guy who did it was so bad at communication and didn't tell us what he was doing.  I didn't care to follow up since the thing was dragging on so long.

Tomorrow, we have mulch being blown into the yard.  That should be fairly easy since they do it all, but it seems something always comes to our attention about things that need to be done that we have failed to do. 

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Swimming with goggles

Today is Avery's first swim class with goggles.  I'm curious to see how, or if, it changes things. She fully participates in classes, but she doesn't particularly like to get her head wet on command.  I suspect it has more to do with her eyes than hesitation to go under water since she's always been very bold in that capacity.  We'll see. 

S-M-I-L-E

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Busy, busy, busy

I'm getting so much done with my new energy!  Yes, I'm still needing daily naps, but that I have energy right up until the nap, and then immediately upon waking, is a huge change that I am not taking for granted.  Yesterday and today I have:

• cleaned and reorganized 10 drawers and cabinets in the kitchen
• cleaned and reorganized 4 drawers and cabinets in master bathroom
• completely cleaned the kitchen
• taken care of recycling bins
• done 4 loads of laundry
• taken Turtle and Eddie on a walk with Avery and her tricycle (all at the same time!)
• spent much time organizing and coordinating logistics for upcoming DC trip
• set up group for craft night and scheduled first event
• scheduled 4 different upcoming appointments
• eliminated Avery's floor potty from existence - woohoo! only the real toilet now (this really didn't take any time other than me saying, "no more floor potty," but I still took care of it). 
• set up notification process for monitoring the White House website for changes to the Easter Egg roll site (hoping to get tickets via the lottery system for the Easter Egg roll since we'll be in DC on Easter)
• ordered phone for my mom
• various other activities
• ---- above written during first half of yesterday; below covers yesterday afternoon and today ----
• walked Turtle on a full trail walk
• grocery shopping, picked up Avery, then cooked a full dinner, cleaned up kitchen entirely, put Avery to bed, and still had energy!  Woohoo!
• Despite being sick (and feeling horrible for the first couple of hours of today), today I have cleaned and vacuumed the entire upstairs, completed a few loads of laundry, and installed a toilet seat.

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Toilet Seat

I ordered a new toilet seat because ours on the main level was missing a foot and I know I can probably replace such a thing, but I wanted this one that has a built in insert for kids!  Avery doesn't "need" it since she can just sit on it on her own and hold herself up, but this makes it easier and eliminates the need to have the Bjorn insert sitting in our bathroom.  It's going to take Avery a few tries before she's comfortable pulling down the kid seat by herself, but the magnet holding it up is weak enough to allow her to do it, yet not strong enough to pinch fingers.  The only real problem is that the shade of the toilet seat cover is ever so slightly brighter than the toilet itself.  It looks worse in the pictures than in person, but screw that, I'll take function over form any day.

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Smile

The three of us were at Michael's on Sunday.  D was walking around with Avery; I was away from them.  D pointed to a sign and asked Avery what it said.  She replied, "Smile!"  It did say that.  When D told me, I asked the obvious question, "Was there a picture of a smile?"  He said, "Yes, but when I asked her why it said smile she said, 'S-M-I-L-E.'"

Monday I decided to see if she actually read the word or if she knew because of the smiley face. I wrote the word smile and asked her if she knew what it was.  She didn't.  Then I asked her to spell it.  She said S-M-I-L-E.  I gave the hint of the sound made by 'sm' and she immediately said smile.

So, I don't think this counts as reading the word smile, but, she is definitely starting to put together the fact that words are made from letters.  I read this sight word book (where the words of the book match the pictures exactly) and then I would ask her to identify each instance of the word 'red.'  She could do that.  I was pretty impressed.  However, if you ask outside that context what R-E-D spells, I don't think she's put it together and in her memory banks just yet.  Nonetheless, it's cool to watch her figure this stuff out. 

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Yelling

Avery has started to complain when she thinks we're "yelling" at her.  What's odd is that when I actually *am* yelling at her, she never says anything.  She only complains of it when I speak sternly or briskly, but rarely is it actually yelling.  It's infrequent when D or I truly yell at Avery.  When it has happened, I've apologized to Avery, explained what frustrated or made me mad, apologized, and then we talk about her part in the situation. I'm never proud to yell, but damn it, sometimes you just have yell, "What do you want?!" when she won't stop and talk.

Anyway, when I picked Avery up from school on Friday afternoon (a make-up day), Teacher Shab was the only teacher there with three kids remaining in Avery's classroom.  Shab is from the Middle East somewhere, at least I assume this based on her accent.  My best guess would be that she's Persian. She is very brisk with the kids.  Not a coddler to put it mildly.  I know she's Avery least favorite of the three teachers that rotate through the classroom.  However, after I observed Shab several times, I determined she's just not an overly warm person with the kids.  Or she's a bit unhappy.  Either way, she's not the person I'd want to nanny for my kid, but I have no problem with her being a teacher/caregiving in Avery's current school situation.

In the classroom, I overhead Shab yelling at one of the boys to wash his hands (both he and Avery had marker all over their hands).  She didn't say anything inappropriate or insulting, but it was direct order, was not a patient tone, and was loud and shrill.  I cringed a bit, but then remembered my tone of voice with Avery earlier that day.  That popped me back to the reality that me yelling at Avery has a far more detrimental effect than does a teacher who yells at Avery (assuming insults or blatantly inappropriate comments are absent). When we got to the car, Avery said, "Shab yelled at me," in a very sad voice.  I kept my tone normal and asked Avery why.  Avery replied something about her needing to wash her hands.  I asked a few more questions and determined that Shab didn't say anything inappropriate and assumed she just spoke to Avery the same way she did the boy.  Avery wouldn't drop it.  I thought for a moment, then told Avery that she should tell Shab the next time she saw her that Avery didn't like that Shab yelled at her and that it hurt her feelings.  I also said that if she felt more comfortable, she could also talk to Shab when Teacher Carlya was around.

I forgot about the incident all together until yesterday when I picked Avery up from school. As I was getting Avery's coat, Teacher Carlya told me that Avery came up to her at some point during the day and said, "Teacher Carlya, I need to talk to you and Teacher Shab."  Shab had already left for the day, so Avery told Caryla about the yelling. Carlya said she told Avery that Shab has a shrill and loud tone to her voice, then she told me that she'd talk to Shab about it because there have been comments from the other kids.

So, last night, I relayed this story to D.  At the time, I was very proud of Avery for going to Carlya and Shab (except she was already gone) to deal with the situation head-on. I hadn't thought much about whether *I* did the right thing in instructing Avery to do this.  D thought it was fine for Shab to yell (again, as long as it's absent insults) and order the kids to wash their hands.  He felt that Avery shouldn't be challenging authority so early.  At first, I disagreed and said I felt it was appropriate because I didn't tell Avery that she shouldn't wash her hands (obviously the requested task was acceptable), but rather that she should communicate that her feelings were hurt.

However, the more I think about this, the more I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing.  I know I'm very proud of Avery for handling it in a mature manner and for following through on something I instructed her to do. I truly didn't think she'd do it.  When I told her to do it, it was an off the cuff remark and, frankly, it was an attempt to bring an end to the discussion.  I am still waffling back and forth on this one.   I think this is a dose of why parenting keeps getting harder, yet easier, at the same time.  Easier because Avery can communicate better and take care of things for herself; harder because I have to respond quickly to situations in which I don't always know my own position, let alone how to explain to a 3yo how to handle it. 

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Stationary vs. Stationery and Typo vs. Error

As many (most) of you noticed on my last post, I spelled stationery wrong. Stationary means immobile; stationery refers to paper. In telling a few people that, yes, I realized it was incorrect and I intended to fix it, I felt the need to explain that it wasn't a typo, but rather an error. Amber said, "How can it not be a typo?" Which lead into a discussion about my definition of type and error.  In my thinking, a typo is something that is mistyped or misspelled, but that the writer knows how to spell correctly.  For example, if I ever switch its and it's, that's a typo.  I know the difference between those two.  If I posted a misuse of it, it's because I was going too fast or didn't reread or whatever.  However, in the stationary v stationery situation, it was an error, not a typo.  That is to say, in that instance I didn't even debate, "Which stationary is it?" I would have known taking a quiz that there were two words (stationery and stationary) and I very well might have gotten their meanings correct, however, before RHG pointed out the error to me, I would have said I spelled it correctly.  Does everyone else view typo and error the same way?  I'm just curious. 

Refugees

Adopt a family

I've been immersed in my own little materialistic world of gift buying for Avery and people I know.  It's high time I shift gears a bit and do something for those less fortunate. I also want Avery to know it's important to recognize and help others who aren't as fortunate as we are.  At first, I thought I'd find a toy drive and buy a toy for a needy kid or two, but as I was searching online for locations to do this, I found an opportunity to adopt a needy refugee family for Christmas.  Since I've read a couple of books about the lives of refugees seeking asylum in America* (Do They Hear You When You Cry? and Behind the Burqa: Our Life in Afghanistan and How We Escaped to Freedom), I feel a connection to helping out these families.  So, we're adopting a refugee family for Christmas.  It's through Lutheran Community Services NW.

I've been informed we'll be "splitting" a family with another sponsor because this family has eight people in it.  I'll soon receive details about the four people for whom we'll be buying gifts. 

I can say for sure that I won't be buying anyone this $89 decorative rope from Restoration Hardware.  Seriously?  It'd make a good (crappy) white elephant gift if it wasn't $90!

* FYI, America does not treat refugees seeking asylum very well.  We basically stick them in prison until it's proven they are truly in danger in the country they are fleeing, or we deport them.

Expectations

Juxtapose these two articles:

• American exceptionalism: an old idea and a new political battle
• US falls to average in education ranking
  

Do the people, mostly the GOP, who believe so feverishly in American exceptionalism realize that just saying it doesn't make it so?  You actually have to do the work.  You actually have to fund education.  I came across one of D's report cards from his elementary school years.  I was stunned at the bluntness of the assessments made.  It told the truth: you need to improve here and here, you're not doing well here, do better.  I could not recall a single teacher being anywhere near that blunt with me on any subject.  Does this sort of coddling contribute to the fact that American teens rank 1st in the world in self-esteem, but 23rd in math? Is it a part of why US teens lag as China soars on international test?

Which leads to my issue with Little Gym.  Consider this rant an attempt to let go of my issue with Little Gym so Christie & Amber don't have to hear my complain about it every time they see me. The general format of Little Gym is as follows:
1. Sit in a circle and do introductions
2. Run around on the mat and do various exercises
3. Spread out in the gym for a bit of "free" time for maybe 5 minutes
4. Watch the instructor demonstrate a skill
5. Kids attempt the skill
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5
7. Gather on the mat to play a few more games with balls or bubbles
8. Sing a song goodbye & listen to announcements

Now, I have issues with their method of starting the music, then stopping it to talk, then starting it, then stopping it, then starting it ...  And I have issues with how the class in conducted from an efficiency standpoint since the kids rarely get to practice a skill more than once.  However, it's not these things that so enrage me.  Let me outline what really gets my goat. 

Issue 1 - low expectations
At the beginning the teacher always says how she wants parents and kids to be on the mat and participating in the songs, but then she says, "But it's OK if they run around and play.  Just keep a watchful on the kids.  But parents stay here and model good behavior."  Yeah, if you don't tell the kids you expect them to participate in the class, you're going to have at least ½ that don't participate at any given time.

Another example of low expectations: the teachers consistently assume a child is not capable of a skill. For example, Avery and Henry can both do very skilled somersaults on their own.  They roll in a straight direction, they tuck their heads, they roll.  Every damn time the teacher says let's do forward rolls, she "helps" both kids do the roll.  Let them do it on their own!  You could argue the teacher is just being safe and spotting the kids.  However, I see it as not giving kids the room to work on the skill themselves.  Yes, spotting is needed on more difficult skills, but a forward roll?  And the teachers do this with everything it seems.  Henry could probably manage to jump off the highest bar in the room and he'd be fine, but that teacher always grabs his hand to help him jump two feet. Why are the mats there if not to help cushion falls?

Issue 2 - teaching rudeness
One of my biggest pet peeves when I was in HS was kids who would talk while the teacher, or even worse a guest speaker, was talking.  It still drives me crazy when people do this.  I find it so very rude when people talk while a speaker or teacher is speaking.  This class format basically teaches kids that it's OK to be rude when someone - and a teacher no less - is speaking.

Issue 3 - rewarding those who don't follow the rules
Often, because the format of the class is so stupid and there is so much chaos, the teacher is rushing to get a skill demonstrated so at least a few children will get to try the skill. When she/he demonstrates, kids are often instructed to watch from a safe distance. What I've noticed is that the kids who don't do as instructed tend to be the ones selected to demonstrate a skill.  I don't care that Avery, who in these situations tends to be a rule follower*, specifically doesn't get to demonstrate, but I do care that what she's witnessing is the rule-breaker being rewarded.

I don't remember having such issues with Little Gym the first time around.  Thinking about it, part of it is probably that I think expectations should increase as children get older.  When she was in the class before, it made sense that the kids would be mostly exploring and/or not expected to sit in a circle.  However, that needs to change as kids get older. 

And, yes, this is the same place where we're doing Avery's BD party.  For a BD party, the point is to have fun and have a party, so this loosey goosey way of doing things is fine in that situation.

* Need I qualify this statement? No, well, I'm doing it anyway: At the moment, Avery tends to be a rule follower in these situations ...

Falling apart

It seems our appliances are hitting the age where problems are popping up more often.  The latest appliance to act up is the washing machine.  It now beeps for no reason and sometimes refuses to work.  I did some research online and the problem seems to be a broken electrical control board.  Unfortunately, I discovered while I was doing research that our washing machine, that we paid top dollar for five years ago, is basically a piece o' crap.  We have had a few minor problems, but it's washed clothes well and I've been quite happy with it.  However, there are terrible ratings for our model all over the place.  And problems seem to start happening about now.  So I don't know if we should spend the $200 (my estimate for fixing our machine) to get this one fixed, or if we should get a new one.  I hate to spend money on a new washing machine because, well, how fun is that?  Not fun.  It also seems so very excessive to get a new one with the first issue.  But, if it's only going to experience more problems, maybe it's better to bite the bullet now.  I don't know.  Thoughts, anyone?

Boast

Boasting

I went grocery shopping with a list for the first time in a very long time.  Yes, I feel proud.  I even have three meals planned out.  I've been cooking during my very long hiatus from organized shopping and meal planning. I just haven't been shopping for more than one or two meals at a time, and those meals are consistently ones that require no recipe (salmon, rice, & veg; steak, potatoes, & veg; chicken, rice, & veg; you get the picture).  

Reverse boasting

Yesterday, I did a trail walk with Turtle, then painted the nook for 2+ hours.  Those two activities plum wore me out.  It was pathetic.  I am so out of shape.  I was huffing and puffing up the hill during the walk.  After I was done painting, I was literally shaking from using my muscles to hold positions they're not used to holding for any length of time.  After I carried the rug upstairs to put in the nook, I was exhausted.  In fact, I went to bed at 9:30 last night because I was so tired.

Attention seeking

So, dear readers, I need advice.  Avery's need for constant attention (praise?) about whatever it is she's doing has reached a level where I feel it's now something we have to curb or it's going to be a social problem for her.  I'm not sure she's seeking praise as much as it is attention.  She doesn't seem to care whether I respond with a "yes" or a "well done!" or an "uh huh."  It's that she wants me to watch/see/admire every.little.thing she does.

A few points I'd like to make before I provide an example of this behavior:

• This need isn't specific to when I'm not paying direct attention to her.  I wouldn't be (as) concerned if she did it only when I was on the computer or looking at my phone - both of those activities are difficult to handle since attention is so very diverted.  She does it all.the.time.  
• I'm personally not overly annoyed by it.  I'm more concerned with the trend.  I also know that I would find any other child who did the same thing very annoying.  Ergo, I have to assume a vast majority of teachers will find it annoying, as will peers as she gets older.
• I could be wrong, but I don't think it's a function of a lack of sufficient attention by either D or me.  While our attention does not revolve around Avery when we're all home together, both of us actively focus on spending time where our attention is devoted to Avery (vs. the phone or the computer or a book or TV).

OK, an example of the behavior:  I was coloring with Avery the other night.  She had her drawing she was coloring; I had mine.  About every fifteen seconds or so, she'd exclaim, "Look it!" and want to show a line she'd drawn or that she used a color or whatever.  At that point, I used an example from a WordGirl episode she's been watching lately.  In the episode, there's a girl who is always boasting about how she's the best at everything she does.  Someone explains to the girl that no one likes a boaster.  I tried to parallel that logic to the attention seeking Avery's exhibiting.  I explained that, like boasting, our society doesn't like attention seekers.  I further explained that she should try waiting until she was completely done with her drawing, then ask us to look at the final product.  She said, "OK!" but did no such thing.

I have a few questions for you readers:

1. Do you think this is a problem that is personality driven vs. age driven?  If it's age driven, I can see letting it go and getting through this phase.  If it's personality driven, I do feel like it's behavior we need to curb, or at least guide in a more acceptable direction.
2. Does anyone think this is a behavior that we shouldn't try to curb?  While I can't say I'd be convinced that it's acceptable long-term behavior, I'm definitely open to hearing other opinions.  Looking at it from another perspective, I can see how someone might say trying to curb this behavior is not accepting Avery for who she is.   
3. Does anyone have any other thoughts on this?  

Tattling

Yesterday ...

... was just awful.  One of the hardest days I've had in a very long time.  By the time D made it home about 5:50, I was in bed and letting Avery smear my face with Vaseline while watching Dora.  Why?  Because the day was just that bad and I just needed to make it until D came home.

The day started off not great when I let Avery watch TV while I got my hair highlighted (she comes to my house to do it).  That set the tone off bad because when I let her watch more than ½ hour of TV in the mornings, it's all down hill from there.  Then add to the fact that I didn't go to sleep until 2 AM the night before and you have my exhaustion added in.  Not good. 

It took me 1.5 hours to get Avery's eye patch off because she kept running and hiding.  No amount of bribing worked.  Ultimately, I had to forcibly remove it.  Not fun for either of us.  I think the barrage of bribes coming at her also confused her because she was then demanding everything after that.

We then headed to the mall to get her prescription sunglasses.  That was totally miserable in a number of ways, culminating in her folding herself in half in the store as they were trying to fit the sunglasses to her face.  She wouldn't let them take the sunglasses off one more time, so I just called it good enough and we left the store.  I totally lost it in the car when she then asked to watch Word Girl on my phone.  I said no (of course) and then she cried until we got home and then some more when we got home.

None of this sounds all that bad in my descriptions, but it was all just terrible.  D came home and I sent them out to dinner without me and went to sleep.  Of course, I'm pretty sure she was totally sweet for D at dinner.  Sometimes being the primary caregiver sucks and this was one of those times. 

Voice

To make things even worse, I had to use my voice during the 1.5 hours of failed negotiations with Avery.  My voice is still very raspy and hoarse.  It's there, but it's not normal.  I'm so very, very frustrated.  I don't know if it's ever going to get back to normal.  I'm depressed to think this may be my new normal.  Three days of a lot of quietness didn't bring it back.  I wake up and I can still feel that my voice is still hoarse and deep.

Mexico

Today will be devoted to packing for Mexico.  Avery's at school today since I had some make up days to use.  It was a stroke of genius to schedule her for school the day before we leave.  I would be going bonkers right now without that. 

Telling vs. Tattling

I've always had trouble reconciling that children are told not to tattle, but then chided for not stepping in when another child is being hurt by one (e.g. bullying).  My problem is that I have never thought about the difference between telling and tattling. This article, Bullying: The advice you got is wrong. Here's what really works, articulates the difference between the two:

The ever popular "don't be a tattletale" has sent another harmful message. When we stand by and watch others being hurt, and do nothing, that's somehow deemed a good decision. Instead, we need to repeatedly teach our children the difference between telling and tattling.

Tattling is meant to make someone else look bad; there's not a victim involved. Telling, or reporting, is done in the service of others; it's meant to help someone. It's a heroic thing to stand up for someone who's being hurt, and we need to treat it as such - at home and at school.

This finally makes sense to me!  And I'm happy to have read it when Avery is still young.  It will really help in dealing with Avery and Elise interaction. 

Relax

Down Time

Since returning from Vegas, I've been quite busy.  A few of our activities the past few days: babysitting Nolan a couple of times, Henry's 1000th day celebration, watching Kung Fu Panda at the free summer movies, and several trips to the grocery store. 

Today, Avery is at school.  As a result I got the dogs walked (first time in a while - the guilt was eating me up inside) and can now do a quick blog post and then get to relaxing and reading my book.

Whine Out

I've started a renewed attempt to get Avery's whining under control.  I call it the whine out.  Basically, when she asks for something in a whiny tone, I tell her she's got a whine out which means she has to wait a minute before she can ask again and she has to ask in a nice tone at that point or she'll get another whine out. 

In one respect, it's working very well so far in that she forgets to re-ask about 50% of the time and simply asks nicely the other 50%. However, it doesn't seem to be reducing the whining which is the ultimate goal.  I've only been doing it for a few days, so maybe after a couple of weeks we'll see some reduction.  All the online suggests for whining reduction have done diddly-squat, so I figured we'd go with a homegrown idea. 

Date Nights Galore

Tonight is the G's date night.  Tomorrow, D and I head out.  Last night, I had a date with Stacey at Beast - yum!

Five

5 AM

It's now 6, but I have been up since 5 and awake since 4:30.  I suppose this is what a couple of glasses of wine does to me?  I finally gave up trying to sleep and came downstairs to play Lexulous and catch up on email.

Yummy Group didn't disband until 11 pm last night!  I was shocked when we got in the car and I saw it was 11.  I had no idea it was that late.  And the restaurant was still quite full when we left.  As usual, I had a great time.  It was very nice to see everyone and laugh so much.  I needed that. 

Plugged In

D posted this article on FB:  The Risk of Parenting While Plugged In.  Both of us definitely suffer from this problem.  I find the idea that smartphones may reduce the number of words per hour a child hears to be a compelling argument for reducing smartphone use around children.  It's also interesting that, since smartphones are typically part of higher income households, and in higher income households, children hear more words per hour*, that smartphones could have an impact on lessening the gap between income levels (and not in a good way).  The number of words per hour affects a child's vocabulary development, with more words being better.  Here's a quote from the article:

The book connects language use at home with socioeconomic status. According to its findings, children in higher socioeconomic homes hear an average of 2,153 words an hour, whereas those in working-class households hear only about 1,251; children in the study whose parents were on welfare heard an average of 616 words an hour.


*I just want to note that I am noting income because the article uses it; clearly, it does not take a high income level to expose children to lots of words per hour and I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions to these averages in both directions. 

Today & Tomorrow

I've been exceedingly lazy.  I dropped my car off to have the brakes serviced due to a recall, so the shuttle brought me home.  I slept here until it was ready at 1:30, then walked the dogs when I got home.  Elise and Nolan come over tonight for the G's date night.  Avery is at school today since she's making up days missed in May.  

Avery and I are on our own tomorrow since D is going to watch the World Cup with some friends.  If anyone is up for doing anything tomorrow, let me know!

Cupboard

The first section was written on Thursday; the rest was written on Friday.

Avery's New Cupboard

One blessing of being someone who constantly feels the need to reorganize the kitchen is that I don't hesitate to move things around to accommodate Avery's new skills. I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier, but I realized that Avery is more than capable of setting her own place at the table.  As such, I cleared out one of my lower cabinets and put her cups, silverware, plates, bowls, some napkins, and some tissues in it (the tissues just being there so they are some place she can reach them, not because we set the table with tissues.)

When we got home from school yesterday, I explained to Avery that she had a new cupboard and that now she could get her own utensils, etc.  She was so excited and raced back and forth between the cupboard and the table to put each thing needed for dinner in its spot on the table.  We did the same thing again for breakfast and then again for dinner tonight.  I also am asking her to get her own sippy cup with lid for milk requests.

Tonight's table-setting-chore was more successful than last night.  At one point, I told her to get her knife, fork, spoon, and napkin.  I assumed I'd need to repeat the list several times until she got all items, however, there she was with each of the items I listed. 

Hike

Today, we went on a hike with Henry and Christie.  I managed to convince Avery to wear something other than the same dress she wore to school all three days this week. Her favorite dress ("I want to wear the pretty dress, Mommy!") is a hand-me-down from Alexandra.  I emailed Sara to tell her the dress was getting good use.  Sara said that was also Alexandra's favorite dress.

Following the hike, we grabbed some lunch, then hit the Hanna Andersson outlet.  Avery scored many a plain white t-shirt and some very cute shorts and skirts. 

Mid-morning Megan Screws Over Morning Megan

A couple of weeks ago, Morning Megan shook off her stupor and started to feel human, thereby transforming herself into Mid-morning Megan. Then Mid-morning Megan turned around betrayed Morning Megan in a way still unfathomable to any Megan other than Mid-morning Megan: she told D that she decided it would be more fair for Morning Megan to get up both weekend mornings with Avery rather than just on Sundays.  D and I have taken turns sleeping in on the weekends since Avery joined our family.

The logic behind the decision: with Avery being in school two days per week, I now have about 16 hours per week without Avery.  Of those 16 hours, I spend about half doing housework, errands, other things that are harder to get done when Avery is around.  The other half I spend piddling, napping, watching TV, swearing really loudly, running with scissors in the house since no one is there to witness the act and copy it, etc.  So, given that situation, it seemed wrong for me to still take a weekend morning to sleep in.  I should have explained that if Avery ever switches to go to school only a few hours in the morning vs going all day, then the deal is off.  Ah well, D, here's your official notice: this deal is in play as long as the current situation remains.  When it changes, we renegotiate.  Doesn't everyone use their blog to communicate these things with their spouses?