week(15) 2013

week 15, April 10 - 17

I drove out to check out the Run! Day Camp for Dogs. It way exceeded my expectations. The facility is very nice. The dogs have 15 acres to run on wherever they want. There's a creek on the property. The owner was friendly and straightforward. Abbie got to play with some of the dogs who were overnight boarding who can't be out on the acreage for whatever reason (e.g. one clearly preferred to lay on the couch; one had surgery a while ago; etc). There was a really small dog there. Abbie did great playing with her. She got down low and recognized she had to play differently with the smaller dog than the bigger dog. I was ridiculously proud of her. I'm going to have her start going once per week when her five boarding school training classes are over. --- Wednesday

health
The dog walk/jog continues to go well. I switched out the insoles of my shoes and that fixed my foot problem for the most part. My left ankle still hurts a bit, but that wasn't as concerning to me as my foot itself. I've added another set of lunges to the squat and lunge portion of the walk. Adding slowly is working. I was ever so slightly sore the day after adding the new set of lunges, but nothing too bad. Any pulling Abbie was doing (which on the daily walk/run was minimal) is now gone with putting her in a harness. Turtle still pulled like hell with the same type of harness, but Abbie responds very well to it. Sometimes I kind of have to pull her to come with me, so I don't know if that's harness discomfort or wanting to sniff or what. Ah well, these things are small potatoes in my life right now.

I'm down 22 lb from my high. I don't care much about the number my weight lands at as I feel healthy and sustainable at this weight, but it is nice to see it continue to go down despite having gotten my appetite back. I am eating way smaller portions due to choice, and eating more frequently. It makes me feel better physically. Eating the larger portions was just habit more than anything. I did have a 2-3 day stretch recently where it was harder than usual to resist sugar, but I didn't break. I had a bite or two of sweet stuff (a small chocolate egg from Easter candy), but didn't push it. I was proud of myself for that.

Depression stuff, at the moment, gets demoted to a section under health rather than it's own section. Woohoo!  I'm doing very well with this. I have situational sadness, but that's not the same (and I'm dealing with it quite well lately). I've struggled more with being mindful the past week or so, but as they say in the meditation guidance, "no one says this is easy."

job
I've been mulling over quite a bit lately, despite deciding to put this on the back burner for a while. One thing I'm pondering is starting my own home-based business targeting individuals, small business, organizations, etc who want to go paperless, or who want to get rid of a backlog of papers. I love organization and I love getting rid of clutter and I love my 25 page/minute, front-back at the same time, scanner. The appeal of starting my own business is that I would have more flexibility in hours allowing me to still walk Avery to school, pick her up, etc. It seems with all the changes in her life right now, me going back to work full-time is not necessarily in her best interests.

The other thing I've realized is that Sharepoint is more technical that I want to be. So I moved onto researching Salesforce.com. I think that is much more suited for what I would want to be doing in an outside the home job. So I'll ponder and research that for a while more to see if it feels right before moving forward with training. I think ideally I'd like to be a contract worker placed through a body shop(s). However, I think I'd need to work at least a year doing it full-time before I'd be able to do that. And probably before I feel comfortable. A lot changes in 7 years out of the workforce.

other
I downgraded the cable service to basic and dropped the landline. That saves $150 per month. I'm very pleased with that decision.

Last night a few of us went out to celebrate Christie's birthday. It was so nice to laugh so much.

The other day, I went to an obsucure movie called War Witch. I shouldn't have. And it should remain an obscure movie. Not sure what the 96% of critics were thinking. At least the movie was exploitative of the more gruesome aspects, particularly the violence.

Avery and I leave next Saturday - on a 6 am flight - for 6 days in St John. It's quite a slog to get there, but I am so looking forward to getting away into a warm, sunny location and seeing friends (Vic & Mike & Bear).

satisfied

inner peace
I've been feeling immensely satisfied with my life for the past few months. I've never been unsatisfied necessarily, but I often feel as though I'm searching for my inner peacefulness which is oh-so-close, yet oh-so-far. Lately it's feel as if perhaps I have found my inner peacefulness. Further proof, to me, that I'm closer to that area within myself is that I'm not thinking because I've said this aloud it'll all be yanked away. I could be, but I choose to believe it won't.

Thank goodness for the maturity and wisdom (hopefully) that comes with aging, the support and love of family and friends, the chemical balancing of anti-depressants, and for stability.

allowance
I don't think I ever blogged about this, but back in June we started a cashless allowance system with Avery. I went with cashless for two reasons: 1. the hassle of getting the right cash (namely enough ones) and 2. the movement of our society to a cashless one. This drove me to find a book about a cashless allowance system and then come up with a system for us. I think it's a good system, but it's a good system to implement when she's a bit older. The idea of money in an account is too abstract for her.

We also had a problem of her having too much spending money. Her allowance was $4.75 per week (her age). She would forget about her allowance, or we wouldn't be in stores selling items she wanted, for weeks at a time. Then we'd be out and she'd want to buy something and it seemed she always had money.

Given those two problems, I have switched her to a cash allowance and re-structured it to reduce spending money per week, if not the overall amount. I implemented the save, spend, donate categories that I know a lot of parents use to teach kids about money. I was resistant to telling her how to spend her money because I wanted her to make her own mistakes and learn from there. However, now that I've seen her reactions to having spending money, I realize that she needs the structure initially before being allowed to stray from the structure to learn her own lessons. She now gets $5 per week (a raise you say!), but $2 goes to spending, $2 goes to saving, and $1 goes to donate.

I also adjusted it such that she has to identify what she wants to save up for and stick to that. For example, right now she wants a Doc McStuffins doll that costs $40. I don't want her to get distracted from that goal when she sees some cheap stuff in the checkout line. I want her to feel the process of saving for something, sticking to that, then getting it.

In addition to tangible money, I created some worksheets so she can visually see how much more she has to earn to get whatever her goal is. Those are the green sheets in the picture above.

The goal of having her know how much more she has to save to get her goal item is on-track. Tonight she sat down and counted (correctly) the empty boxes that still need 1's in them to reach her goal.

I just need to get a bunch of one dollar bills and stash them away somewhere so I always have her allowance money ready.

unnecessary gadget I inexplicably want
Deluxe eBook and iPad Holder.

Supermodel

Dentist
I went to the dentist today. For me, going to the dentist is like what supermodels must feel like during a photoshoot. It's non-stop praise about my gums, my homecare, the state of my teeth, etc. It happens every time. Both the dentist and the cleaner made separate jokes about scheduling me all day everyday so I can just be their one patient. They mean it, of this I'm sure. I've decided that I should just schedule an appointment with the dentist whenever I'm feeling down. It's awesome.

Mom's (most likely) townhome
Tomorrow is the inspection for the townhome on which my mom has put an offer. It'll be interesting to see the space without stuff in it. The previous owners* have moved out, so all of their stuff will be gone. Other than the inspection, we'll also measure all of the rooms to get an idea of what Mom will put where. All fun stuff, of course,

The walls are all white right now, so we're planning to paint all the rooms after she closes, but before she moves in. Anyone here in PDX want to help out with picking colors or painting? :)

* Technically, they were renters, not owners. The townhome is held in a trust. Not sure of the correct wording to describe this. Basically, family friends of the deceased owner were living in it.

Avery and friends
Avery's been spending more time with Lily. It's nice to have a friend for casual playdates in the neighborhood. I also think the two of them, who are very alike and therefore can butt heads a bit, are learning to solve their differences on their own. Last time Lily came over for a playdate, I didn't see them the whole time. It looked like a hurricane had hit the upstairs, but I'll take a hurricane over bickering any day.

I babysat the G kids (with Mom's help - because she offered and I say don't offer if you don't want to help because I will take you up on it!) on Sunday morning while the G's went to brunch. The plan was that I'd then leave Avery there for the afternoon and evening since D and I had our date night on Sunday night. However, Avery was In A Mood when the G's got back. She snatched something from Nolan and wouldn't apologize. I said apologize or we go home. She chose to go home, which in turn upset Elise who was looking forward to a playdate with Avery. So that is how Elise came to spend the afternoon at our house playing with Avery and Nain. All kids who come to the house immediately ask where Nain is and if they can visit her. Man am I going to miss her when she moves out.

We haven't seen much of Henry or Josie lately, but this Thursday will rectify that. Yipee!

Movies
D and I saw both Magic Mike and Ted this weekend (one date night courtesy of Mom, the other of the Gs). Both movies are very funny. I enjoyed both thoroughly. Ted is raunchy and oh-so-wrong in spots, but that's what makes it hilarious. Magic Mike had slightly more of a plot than I was expecting, however, not so much that it takes itself more seriously than a male stripper movie ever should.

Spanish speaker
After RHG's comment regarding hosting a student to get a native speaker around us (versus an au pair we don't need), I did some investigation. I found a program that looks like it'll work, however, there are no students from Latin America or South America, so the student would come from Spain. I did research on Castilian Spanish versus Latin American Spanish. Basically, it's like the difference between American English and British English - same language, but different nuances.

I emailed the program, but haven't heard back from them yet. I'll call them in a week or so if there's still no response.

Spanish

Español
My interest in learning to speak Spanish is still high. As any reader of this blog knows, I'm a hot or cold kind of person. I'm either SUPER EXCITED! about something or I am simply not. My interest in things ebbs and flows. I have very few things I'm consistently into at all times. It's not a trait that I love about myself, but I must accept it because it's just how I am. I'm still motivated to learn and I feel like I'm progressing, at least in my understanding of what has been presented to me so far. I seriously doubt I could understand someone speaking to me in Spanish - even about what I've learned so far - without visual prompts. That said, I do feel like more is sinking in than has during any of my previous attempts to learn Spanish.

Avery is also very interested in learning Spanish. I have to figure out how we're going to make that happen. Suggestions anyone? We're not going to enroll her in a Spanish immersion school, so it has to be something else. Rosetta Stone works somewhat for her, but it's really designed for those who are old enough to read and understand the software is using social interactions to teach language. I'm not sure she'd comprehend the second part just yet.

One thing we have thought* about is getting a Spanish-speaking au pair with the hopes that having a native speaker live with us as a family will get us all moving on learning Spanish. This, of course, seems like overkill since we don't have need for an au pair from a childcare perspective. It would be cheaper to hire a tutor. However, whenever I ask people how they learned another language, almost all say you have to be immersed in the language for a period of time. Well, having someone in the house who speaks Spanish will immerse us a bit more than a tutor. Plus, being in Mexico for a week or two at a time will do the same. Maybe the combination of the two will get us to simple conversational Spanish? The other factor is that D simply doesn't have the time to commit to either a tutor or Rosetta Stone. When I bought our year-long subscription to Rosetta Stone, I figured we could all do it. However, it does take a lot of time to just get through the exercises, even if you're faster to comprehend that I am.

*thought about = one non-serious conversation

Avery activities
Avery seems to have enjoyed her camp this week. I thought it would have more circus-related activities in it, but it seems that the "Join the Circus!" aspect of the camp was a loose theme. Fortunately, Avery doesn't seem to care about that at all. She's had a good time everyday and eagerly runs to sign in each day.

This week, before the afternoon camp from 1-5, she did a 45 minute sports mania class. That was useless. The instructors were poor and it was disorganized. The class didn't cost that much, so I'm only upset about it because it was a logistical challenge to make that class happen, get Avery lunch in between, then get her to camp. I definitely would not have signed her up for it had I known how pathetic it was going to be.

Next week we have no classes or camps planned. It's Avery's one week off this summer! She does have kung fu, but that's only 1/2 hour one day.

Health and Fitness
While my interest in learning Spanish is high, my interest and motivation to Be Healthy is so very low. I've not been able to get back in a rhythm logistically or mentally since coming back from Mexico. The only reason I've been continuing with Crossfit is because I feel pressure to not look like a quitter. I do actually like Crossfit when I'm there, but before every class I try to think of reasons I shouldn't go. It's ridiculous.

I haven't walked in weeks. I have no desire to walk. I have no desire to workout. I have little desire to eat better. Sigh.

Helping

Wedding Helper
I had to wait to do the envelopes and RSVP cards for the wedding invitations I'm making. The bride and groom had to move and this delayed the process because we didn't have their new address until right before we left for Mexico.

As type this, I'm remembering that we never verified the paper she bought for the RSVP cards is thick enough to be a post card for the USPS. Damn it.  I guess I'll just be optimistic and keep making the RSVPs, but also send a test post card to myself. Why didn't I think to send a test one to myself a while ago? Duh.

The envelope addressing is a bit of a pain in the butt. There's no way to do a mail merge into the Silhouette software. I never hoped there might be. What I did hope there would be, however, was the ability to cut and paste text from a spreadsheet into the software. Nope. This means I have to retype every single name and address. Wouldn't you know that the bride is Italian and has a ton of relatives with oddly spelled names who live in Italy? It's a tedious process. Of course, I still would have agreed to help out had I known all of this, so I'm not sure why I'm complaining.

Strep
D has strep, too. Mom isn't feeling too well, either. So it looks like the only one who didn't get strep (knock on wood for continued good luck on this) is Avery. Once the antibiotics kick in, it's not bad at all.

Saturday Plans
We're all heading out soon to see the documentary First Position. It's unrated, but given the subject matter, I can't imagine it'll be inappropriate for Avery. If it is, we'll just scuttle her on out of there.

After that we have no official plans. Maybe there will be something related to the Rose Festival that draws us in. I'm not one for crowds, so the idea of dealing with them to see the parade is not appealing.

Strep

Strep
The big news is that I got strep. At least it felt big at the time because man was I ever hurting. Now that I've taken three doses of my antibiotics, I feel much, much, much better. I don't remember strep being that bad when I was a kid. I couldn't get through the night without Tylenol + codeine. The only reason I have that on hand is because I hardly ever taken pain medications that are prescribed to me. This time, I dug through the medicine cabinet until I found something that would help with the pain and drugged myself up. Between my throat and my achy body, it was awful.

But today I'm doing great. Tomorrow I plan to resume my walking regime along with food logging. Tuesday I'll return to Crossfit.

Unfortunately, we think D now has it. He has an appointment tonight to see.

Travel
Our flights back from Mexico were easy. We managed to get on an earlier flight out of LA, so we got home at 9:30 pm rather than 11:50 pm. So much better.

The layover in LA also went fast because Vic & Mike & Bear (or "the Vics" as Avery calls them) had a long layover, too. We sat in a diner, ate, and played spades.

When we were waiting in line to order food at the diner in LAX, I noticed the guy in front of me was wearing a "Fighting Reds" t-shirt. I looked closer and realized I recognized some of the names. Then I realized he was from Eaton. I tapped him on the shoulder and we visited about small world, etc. I guess it's not that strange to bump into someone from the same small town as me, but I note it nonetheless.

Spy

Spy Games

We have some walkie talkies down here. I bought them to use while snowboarding and never used them, so bringing them down here seemed like a good idea. Avery asked to play spy with them, so I obliged. We spent 30 minutes or so running around the neighborhood playing spy. Avery's code name was Pinkalicious and I was Mickey Mouse (because I had MM on my hat). We'd take turns reporting things to each with urgency in spy/military terminology, like, "fall back! fall back!" and "Pinkalicious on point. Mickey Mouse stand down." Fast forward a bit to a trip to eat a meal at the pool bar. Avery gets the walkie talkies out and decides she's going to go walking about for a bit. She takes the walkie talkie with her and ventures off. When she reaches the part of the cement not covered in shade, she steps out carefully and then immediately talks into her walkie talkie to report, "TOO HOT! TOOOOO HOT!!!!" It was hilarious. Trust me.

It was during this game that Avery discovered the most fun person to have on the other end of the walkie talkie was Uncle Mike. That'll teach him to be funny.

Avery
As we were walking about from dinner the other night, Avery wanted us and the U's to have a race. She said, "Smiths go this way! Vics go that way!" As Vic said, she clearly knows who wears the pants in the U family.

Overall, Avery has done stellar down here. I can see how it's a bit rough for her when D and I get together with Vic and Mike. More so than with any other group of people, we're nearly constantly engaged in banter and catching up and just general talking. Avery gets left out of that much of the time. On top of that dynamic, we're down here with an 8mo whose naps are precious. Every time Bear goes down, we remind Avery to be quiet and not play in the courtyard, etc. There've been a couple of attitudes about being left out or about having to be quiet, but overall, I've got to say I'm absolutely proud of and thrilled with her behavior.

Along those behavior lines, she's also seemingly maturing quite a bit with the tantrums. The epic tantrums have been at bay for a few months now. The mini I-didn't-get-my-way tantrums are short lived and well within what I consider to be normal 4yo behavior. She's starting to respond better to logic and reason when we explain why she can't do something or why she can't eat something. She's also starting to negotiate better when she disagrees with our answers. While I never reverse a No when she's throwing a fit or when she just continues to whine about it, I will  compromise when she presents a logical and calm argument. It feels like she's made a leap (that I'm sure will backslide at times) to understanding a No can be changed with calmness and logic, but it can never be changed with a fit or whining.

Avery can swim! It's not pretty, but it's fun to watch. It's mostly a doggie paddle, but sometimes she throws her arms in there and gets some good strokes in. She has close to no fear in the pool, which is a bit disconcerting. She will reverse course and head for shallower parts when she starts to feel out of her depth, so that makes me feel better. Her confidence and ability in the pool made it much easier for us to sit on the side while she happily played in the pool. She wanted us to join her, of course. And we both joined her for extended periods of time (versus a quick dip) to play, but she also had to come up with games to play on her own. Some days were better than others. I must say watching her play fetch with a plastic cup all by herself was odd. She'd toss someone's old cup then swim to it. She could do this for a solid 20 minutes.

The last few days there have been more kids around the pool. Most of them have been Mexican, so they don't speak English. Avery clearly wanted to play with these kids, but just couldn't summon up the courage to say, "Hola!" So what she'd do is follow them around the pool like a dolphin following a boat. She'd then stick her head in the water and make really loud bubble blowing noises to get their attention. It was awkward to watch.

Me
I was sick all day today. Not with food problems - which both Mike and D suffered the day before - but with flu-like stuff. It hurts to swallow and my whole body aches. I spent from noon to 6 pm in bed, got up to drink a protein drink, then went back to bed until hunger finally woke me up at midnight. It's 1 AM now.

I utterly failed on my goal to walk everyday. The reasons for failure are numerous: laziness, hotness, boredom. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get back on things when we get back to Portland.

My good(ish) eating habits also slowly disintegrated as we've been down here longer.  Who knew how good tortilla chips dipped in condensed milk and washed down by grape Fanta could be?

Good Friends & Good Life
The 24-hour technical blackout last 24-hours, but no more. We all did discover that when we're together in a group, it's better to just put the damn iPhone/iPad/Kindle down. Victoria has coined a phrase which I think should catch fire soon: iJacked. When you're having a lovely meal and then suddenly everyone is checking their devices, your meal has been iJacked. Same goes for a vacation.

Despite sitting here not feeling great, it's been a fabulous trip. I'm so grateful we have Vic and Mike to join us on some vacations. It's hard to find a couple friend where all parties have fun and click with each other. We also have the same general attitude about relaxing. Dinner plans are made a few hours beforehand and eating out is the preference. There's little scheduling or pre-planned structure. Everyone just wears whatever to dinner. There's no application of make-up or doing of hair. There's no wondering if this excessively casual approach is OK. It is.

Finally, I am ready to be home. I love it down here. I'm grateful we get to come as often as we do. I'm grateful Avery loves it so much. I'm grateful for the slow pace of life when we're down here. And I'm grateful that I look forward to returning to our daily routine in Portland. Life is good.

Swimming

Walk

I missed my walk yesterday after sleeping in until 10:30. It was worth it. This morning I woke up at 6 and walked. It's the first time I've truly seen the sunrise here. It is beautiful. There's no chill in the air at all. I managed to walk for an entire hour, though my pace was probably lacking a bit. I even stopped to take a few pictures. Thinking about it, the stopping to smell the flowers so to speak was probably more of an achievement than the walk.

Swimming

We went swimming at the hotel pool the other day. Avery is basically swimming. I'm declaring this as the first time Avery swam on her own. When she was swimming around in the kiddie pool, she could propel herself anywhere in the pool, but when she stops to breathe she stands up. Regardless, she's able to hold her breath, get back up when she goes under, and is generally very competent (for her age) in the pool. It's nice that we don't have to be in the pool with her and can just watch her from the side. 

Vic & Mike's parents sent a floaty thing for Avery that's kind of like a kickboard. She loves it and kicked around the pool with it for a good hour or so. 

Sleeping
Vic and Mike are a bit tired having an 8-month-old and all, but they're troopers. They still try to stay up with us to visit and/or watch TV. They don't *always* succeed with the staying up part. This picture was taken the other night as we were watching episode 2 of Damages.

Speaking of sleeping, last night was the first time Avery asked to get into bed with us instead of sleeping on her little bed on the floor. I said OK, but now my back regrets it. I sleep much more stiffly when she's with us in this bed than in our bed at home. Anyway, I moved her back to the floor this morning and that transfer went OK, so I think I can just let her up for a bit and then just put her back on the floor next time.

Books
I read Escape from Camp 14: One Man's Remarkable Odyssey From North Korea to Freedom in the West. I highly recommend it.

On to other books.

Today's Plan
After batting around all sorts of ideas, the big plan for today is walking around the big rock off the beach here (the area we explored with you and Henry, Christie). Oh, and Felipe is cooking for us tonight. Yipee!

Mexico

Walking
My weight remains stubbornly high. However, I can tell shapes are a changin', things are shifting about, and my arm fat and belly fat are lessening, so I'm happy (enough). I seriously doubt I have any chance of hitting my goal of a 20 lb loss and giving myself that little reward I had in mind, but that's OK. I'm happy I'm being active and motivated to be healthy. I feel much better, so even if that number doesn't change as much as I'd like, I'm OK.

On today's walk, I ran portions of it and that felt good. I have no plans to eventually make my daily walk a daily run. I can see myself walking and tossing some running in there when I feel like it, but a successful walk will be just that: a walk. I think my pace, distance, the terrain combined are aggressive enough for me to consider it a good daily workout.

Packing and Mexico
I just finished most of my packing for Mexico since we leave tomorrow. Each time we leave, I'm convinced this will be the last visit of lugging down a bunch of stuff to leave at the casa, but that's yet to be true. At least this time we have packed in such a way that we'll be able to do carry-on only on the way back.

I incorrectly thought that the flight schedule was the same as the February one. I was wrong. It's the 6:55 am flight out of Portland. Then, on the way back, we have a 5 hours layover in LA. Ah well, one should not complain about bad connections when going on a vacation. Plus I'm just grateful I've figured out that it makes absolutely no difference whether I try to go to bed early or go to bed late the night before an early flight. It sucks royally either way, so I might as well just do whatever I feel like.

Mom's back!
I picked Mom up from the airport on Thursday night. Then I treated her to a lovely dinner at ... wait for it ... IKEA! Because that's the kind of stellar daughter I am. I think she had a lovely time in Colorado, but I guess she'll blog about it eventually. *Ahem!*

Barkley is happy she's back and I'm happy to no longer be walking Barkley. Which is funny because Barkley is WAY easier to walk than were Turtle and Eddie, at least when I walked the two of them together. One of the reasons Barkley is easy to walk is that he walks at a leisurely(ish) pace, so there's (usually) no pulling on the leash. The problem with this, for me, is that I then start to slow my pace and that's not as good of a workout for me. Barkley also likes to stop and smell the roses. I'm not a stop and smell the roses kind of person. I'm a run past those suckers and get back onto the couch where I belong kind of person. The fact that he likes to stop meant that I would break concentration when walking and then it was just harder for me mentally. Hmmm, this is all taking me back to my dog walk hey days where I'd do a big ass post about walking the dogs and think that was totally normal for this to be my entire world. I am one to document the small details of life.

It's also nice that Mom will be here while we're gone. It makes it easier knowing the house is in good hands. Not that it was difficult leaving the house before, but it's a level of comfort knowing she'll be here.

Flatline

                     
☝that is a graph of my weight loss 
So that goal of losing weight? I'm being as good as I can be without going overboard. I'm walking 4 miles (fast) up and down the hills around here everyday. I'm doing Crossfit twice a week. I'm logging my calories to make sure I don't go crazy. I've been doing this for three weeks now. Do you know what I have to show for it? NOTHING.  Absolutely nothing. I have lost exactly one pound and that's a come and go pound (you know, the one you have if you weigh yourself now, but not when you weigh yourself in 5 hours, but then it's back in another 5 hours).  WTF? Stupid, stupid aging. I blame it all on aging. There are two things keeping me going on this kick:

• I feel better, mentally and physically, throughout the day when I walk in the mornings. 
• My body has rearranged some of its mass in a more pleasing way. 

However, my body fat % is still very high and my weight is still high. I haven't paid close attention to my body fat percentage, but I can say that if it's changed, it's only changed by at most 1%. 

So this is my frustration for the moment. I don't really have much else to say about it other than fuck aging's effect on my metabolism. 

Crossfit yesterday was more squats, alternating those with handstand pushups. Before you go and get all impressed by me (as if you could after reading the above), know that I can do a handstand, but I cannot do a handstand push up. So I would do a handstand, then drop down and do a cheater pushup ... because I can't even do more than one proper pushup.

Fountains and Parks and Parenting Self-Esteem
Avery has been to fountains around town three of the last three days, tyvm. At least I'm keeping her active. We played at the OHSU fountain for two hours on Monday. I had Elise and Nolan for the afternoon, and we met Christie & Henry there for part of the time, so that two hours went by fast. After that I took all three kids to the park for a bit. I felt like a Good Mom and a Good Babysitter because of those things. But, on balance, Nolan exited the school without me or any other adult and made his way down the sidewalk in the parking lot where cars are typically going every which way. And later in the day, Elise just strolled out into the street when I was focused on Avery and Nolan. So, overall, it was a wash of a day in my parenting/babysitting/child handling self-esteem.

TV
Is anyone else watching Veep? The first episode I had trouble thinking of Julia Louis-Dreyfus' as anyone other than Sarah Palin, so I thought that would be a hinderance to me watching the show. A few episodes later and it's clearly not based on Sarah Palin in any way. It's a very funny and very clever show. Watching the show the other night, it struck me that I in no way have trouble thinking of it as a leap for a woman to be the VP. It's not like I've ever doubted a woman could do the job of VP, I think it's more than 10 years ago I would have looked at it as Hollywood trying to be progressive or whatever. Now it's just something that hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will soon(ish). I should note, the show is a comedy and funny for those who aren't into politics.

Events

Summary of recent events

• I did sign up for Crossfit. I intended to sign up last Tuesday, but I missed that class because I went shopping to kill time beforehand, then lost track of time and missed class. Doh! I did, however, make it on Thursday. It involved more pull ups. He said I just got lucky to get to do pull ups two sessions in a row. It also involved cart wheels and running around the block. I took it easy and was the perfect amount of sore the next day. In case you're wondering what the perfect amount of sore is, it's when I'm sore enough to feel that I wasn't goofing off, but not so sore that I cannot walk and function like a normal person.
• I've been good about walking, and about getting up early to walk. Tomorrow will be tough since I'll need to get up earlier than usual due to Avery's early morning (routine) appointment at the eye doctor.
• Mom left on Friday for Colorado, so I am walking Barkley on my walks. He slows me down about 5 minutes, but that's not too bad. 
• Mom and I shopped for flowers for the pots on our back deck. Mom then planted them all for me. They're so pretty. 
• We went to the hip hop show on Wednesday night. It's probably the philistine in me, but I wasn't very impressed. The best part of the show was the very end when they switched from the artsy choreography to a more casual (and more authentic?) style of dancing. 
• Mom and I enjoyed This American Life on Thursday. My favorite part was a story about Taylor Dane by comedian Tig Notaro. I hadn't heard of Tig before.  She's hilarious. At least based on the story she told she is. 

Hike

Going Forth
I'm going to sign up for Crossfit. After my last blog post, I started to reconsider it. Not because I didn't like it because I did like it. I was reconsidering because it threw my walking routine in disarray due to the extreme soreness. I am pleased with my energy and desire to keep up with my daily 4-mile walks. I don't dread them and my days go much better when I've done them.  That said, I know if I stop for more than a couple of days, I'll fall off the wagon completely and not get back on for months. When it comes to good habits, I have to work really hard to be consistent. When it comes to bad habits, I'm an expert level backslider. All this self-knowledge made me think perhaps it was wiser to get a few months of daily walks in before taking on other activities. Two things changed my mind:

1. Today I did my walk in the morning before I took Avery to school (6:30 - 7:30). That was great because it was done and out of the way for the day. Doing it mid-morning made it feel like it just ate up my entire mid morning. 
2. I talked to one of the women in my Crossfit class after Avery's Kung Fu class today. And the instructor remembered my name. Two minor human interactions and I felt like, OK, I can do this. 

The key will be to not push myself in the Crossfit class so I am not too sore to walk the next day. Also, I'm going to (try to) walk in the early mornings. This means I will still be doing my usual hilly walk everyday. Originally I was planning to just walk around Gabriel Park for an hour on Crossfit days, but it's not hilly enough. I feel like I'm "wasting" my hour because of the lack of hills. 

Hiking

Today was my day with the G kids. It was such a nice day that I decided to take Avery and Elise and Nolan on a hike up the trail, then down through the cemetery. Considering it was over an hour, in the hot sun, and a 1.4 mile hilly walk, they all did great. Breakdowns of each child's positives and negatives (clearly this is subjective to what I like on a walk). 

Kid	Positives	Negatives
Avery	--Strong and fast walker --Easily excited by New and Exciting Destinations! (makes it easy to keep her moving)	--Does not ever stop talking --While not whining exactly, Avery does announce every so often that “I’m tired, but I’m going to push through it. Did you hear me, Mommy? I’m going to push through it!”
Elise	--Doesn’t whine --Quiet for long periods of time --Can walk barefoot on grass without complaining once about needles or ouchies.	--Slooooowwww --Unwilling to run to catch up; sits down if a race is ongoing to declare her lack of participation in said race. --Wants to “rest” (WTF is that?)
Nolan	--Willing to run to catch up --Doesn’t whine --Doesn’t ask to take off shoes in the grass.	--Slowish --Talks not loud and like an almost 3yo boy = hard to understand if I'm not concentrating completely on him.

Cross(not so)fit

The health and "fitness" section
I tried a Crossfit class on Tuesday. I liked it. However, I did way too many squats and have been hobbling around for two full days now. Going down the stairs is the worst. Before you say that I should take things slowly, I thought I was taking things slowly. When everyone else was using actual weight bars and weights to do their squat and thrust thingys, I stuck to the PVC pipe. When everyone else did real pull ups, I used a rubberband thingy to spring me up to the bar. But alas, I'm in not good shape and now I'm paying the price for it. I missed today's class, but I'm still going to sign up for the classes. Oddly, they're at the same gym where Avery does her Kung Fu ... and with the same instructor. That's all this gym does: Kung Fu and Crossfit. And it's only open for those class times. Odd.

All this soreness meant that I couldn't walk yesterday or today. I'm hoping I can at least stroll tomorrow because while I did fairly well eating yesterday, I did very bad today. Whether I walk is directly related to how I eat.

The upcoming events section
Next week, I bought us tickets to see Compagnie Käfig, advertised as "Europe's Most Acclaimed Hip-Hop Company." I was drawn to it because it features 11 dancers from Brazil and that just looked interesting. Plus Avery likes to watch all types of dance so I bought the four of us tickets. It's an evening performance, so I'm hoping I can get Avery to take a nap that day. I'm thinking I'll drive around in the car about 4:30 and that should do it. She hardly ever takes naps anymore, but a car ride around 4:30 should seal the deal.

Mom and I are also going to see This American Life at the movie theater. It's being filmed live and then broadcast in movie theaters throughout the country. Mom and I both love TAL, so it seemed like a good activity for us.

This weekend, Avery will get to join Josie in watching her sister, also named Avery, dancing. She'll also get to go to Josie's BD party on Saturday. It's a Wagner weekend!

Due to D's busy schedule, we have no date night scheduled this weekend. Of all weekends! The opening weekend for Marvel's The Avengers. Damn it!

On Friday of next week, Mom leaves for Colorado for two weeks. This means I'll be on Barkley duty. Which basically just entails: one, taking him for a walk (easy peasy since I'm doing that anyway) and two, stepping over him as he naps all day (which I do anyway). However, it does mean I'll have to empty the dishwasher. I have emptied the dishwasher maybe twice since Mom moved in. She likes to empty the dishwasher!

The crafty stuff section
I'll post the picture of Elise's BD card even though RHG posted on FB. The text was all done using a gel ink pen and my Cameo. I'm particularly pleased with that because I had to rig up pens - using duct tape and cutting pen tubes and all kinds of crazy shit - to get it to the point where I was pleased with it.  The only part I'm unhappy with the is placement of the "messy" warning. Why I didn't shift it up higher I don't know. Then the paintbrush wouldn't be at such an odd angle. Oh well. Live and learn.

I'm now working on a couple of graduation cards for Mom. One of the cards is for a former student of Mom's* who is graduating from the Air Force Academy. Actually, that's the reason Mom is going to Colorado. This student was able to choose three teachers to invite to the ceremony and she chose her 4th grade teacher! Seriously, how big of an honor is that for my mom? I am so proud. The frosting on the cake is that President Obama will be giving the commencement speech. Anyway, in making this card, I wanted to make it a bit Air Force Academy specific, so I searched online and found a picture with a good angle of the Cadet Chapel. Then I converted that image to a .bmp and imported it into my Cameo software. Then I used the trace functionality, made a few edits and used a black pen to draw the picture below. I am damn impressed with it.

Close up of the drawing

Picture of the (unfinished) front of card

* I was editing this post and thought maybe the apostrophe was wrong, but then it seemed like it wasn't. If I typed "Mom's former student" it would have a possessive apostrophe, right? But as "student of Mom's" it seems somewhat wrong, but without the apostrophe it would be like saying the student of multiple moms. I'm leaving it the way it is. Stacey & Christie & Vy and all you other grammar experts can enlighten me.

Hour

Health and Fitness

Today was day 6 of walking an hour each day. It's going well. Today I did a route that was exactly 4 miles in 57 minutes. The app on my phone (Walkmeter) tells me my (average) speed is between 4.5 and 5.0. I love having the an app to track exactly how far, how long I walk, and tell me precisely how many calories I've burned. That it takes into account elevation changes is also cool because I want credit for the hills! 

I've set my goal in my calorie tracking app (Lose It!) as losing 2lb per week, which is the most aggressive weight loss goal the app will allow. The app tells me I have to eat just 899 calories per day to achieve this goal. I have adjusted it to add 200 calories more because 1. I can't hit 899 per day and 2. I do think that with all my errand running, school drop-offs, fidgeting, etc, I probably do burn at least 200 calories more. At least I really hope so. Anyway, this puts me at just 1,099 calories per day. That is HARD to hit. So if I want to come even close to hitting my calories, I have to burn at least 300 calories walking. I've been hitting about 390-400 the last few walks, so that gives me about 1,400 calories (give or take) per day that I can consume and still be on track. I was over quite a bit yesterday since we had a potluck dinner to attend (and I still very much struggle with eating reasonably when at a social event or at a fine dining dinner), but I've been doing well the other days. 

I've also given myself a goal of losing 20 lbs by the end of July. I'm giving myself some leeway from hitting exactly 2lb per week since we'll be on vacation in Mexico for 10 days. While I'm going to do my absolute best to walk everyday when we're down there, my track record of maintaining any sort of healthy regimen when I'm on vacation sucks.  Anyway, if I hit that goal (and it has to be the entire 20 lb), I'm rewarding myself with a gift. I'm not going to blog what it is because I'm a bit embarrassed to admit such a reward seems to be motivating me. If you want to ask in person, go ahead. I don't mind sharing in that situation, I just don't want to put it on the blog. 

Movies

We saw movies galore this weekend! On our date night on Friday, Mom joined D and me to see Marley, a documentary about Bob Marley. I knew close to nothing about Bob Marley prior to seeing the movie. He was quite an impressive man. I've decided that if they make a movie about his life, James Franco should play Bob Marley. Sounds odd, right, but see the documentary. It's like Bob Marley is what a love child between Barack Obama and James Franco would look like. 

On Saturday, we had just Elise and Nolan for the G's date night, so Mom, Elise, Nolan, D, Avery, and me headed to a movie, The Pirates! Band of Misfits. It was all right. I wouldn't rush out to see it, but it was enjoyable.

The potluck dinner last night was at RHG's house. She offered to have Avery spend the night since we'd be over there anyway. This meant we got a free night to see a movie, and that I got to have Monday morning off from taking the kids to school! D and I drove to a theater out in Hillsboro to catch a reasonably timed showing of Safe after we left the potluck dinner at the G's. It's not a good movie, of course, but it was exactly what we wanted: an action flick heavier on action than plot. Plus, it starred Jason Statham. If had a laminated freebie list, à la Friends episode #53, Jason would most definitely be on that list.

Crafty Stuff
I finished up Elise's BD invitations. I had to make a few adjustments from my original grand plans, but I was still pleased with the overall result. I didn't take pictures, but maybe when Elise gives Avery her invitation I'll take a picture of that.

I have about 30 more wedding invitations to do for Carlotta. I'll have to hold off on finishing her RSVP cards and addressing the envelopes until she and her fiance determine their new address.

I bought more fabric for sewing some things for Avery, Elise, and Nolan, but with the incorporation of my getting fit goal into my routine, sewing has been put on the back burner. Balance: I've yet to master it. I fear that by the time I do master it, I'll be too old to actually balance anything other than eating and sleeping.

TV
I'm so disappointed with this season's Mad Men. It's just plain boring. On the upside, summer is coming so that means there will soon be a new season of Suits!  And I think a new seasons of Project Runway is slated for this summer, too. 

Food

Food Graphics
I'm a sucker for a good chart. I like when information is broken down into logical parts so it's easy to consume. This one on We Are What We Eat is fascinating. Have a look if you are so inclined.

The Big Picture
I follow The Big Picture blog from the Boston Globe. While looking at their lastest post on Sierra Leone: 10 years after Civil War, I was struck by picture number 4. The boy on the right is wearing a lacrosse jersey. I searched for East Lyme Lacrosse and found it's in Connecticut. I assume this shirt was discarded/donated by some American kid and found its way across the ocean to another continent to this kid in need. It makes me wonder if there are any of my discarded t-shirts being worn by someone far away. I'm sure there are. You donate shirts and people wear them ... duh. But for some reason all I can think about is some kid in Africa walking around in my tennis t-shirt from 7th grade.

Walking
I've walked for an hour each of the last three days. I've also hit my calories (or close enough for me to say I have) for the past three days. Of these accomplishments, by far the most significant is that I walked on day 2. I did this walk between dropping Avery at school and taking D's car in for a service. Which means I did the walk not around my house. It was actually a much easier route - most any route not around here will be easier than a route around here - but I'm still a creature of habit. I normally talk myself out of straying from my usual routes, or I come up with another reason I can't do it, but I stuck with it on day 2 and I'm pleased.

So, yeah, I'm bragging about three days. Sigh. Why are good habits so hard to maintain and bad habits are so easy to fall back into?

And now, D has taken Avery to gym gym (we have no idea why she calls the gym "gym gym," but she does and it's stuck and now we call it gym gym). That means I should be off for my hour walk, too. Yesterday's route: 57 minutes, 3.85 miles, ascent/descent of 562 ft, burned 376 calories.

Shock

Recap

Friday

• Walked Barkley. 
• Spent the day making skirts for Avery. 



Fabric choice by Avery

• Spent the evening listening to Mimi cry whilst babysitting the kids for date night. Don't feel too sorry for me. I have a high tolerance for crying (by babies) and just put my noise protection headphones on to drown out the noise. While Mimi isn't particularly fond of anyone outside of her family, I think it's fair to say she holds a special sort of hatred for D and me. Absolutely nothing either of do or so or give her will make her stop crying. The only time she isn't crying in our presence is if she's asleep. (For those of you wondering, yes, I would feel totally comfortable telling RHG and Jay that they have to find other plans for Mimi on date nights. No, they would not hold it against me & D. No, they are not taking advantage of us. I don't mind the screaming nearly as much as it seems others would mind a screaming baby. It's not pleasant, but as of now, I still want Mimi coming on date nights over here because eventually she's got to slot in, right? I'm not letting that one little baby mess up a good date night babysitting swap situation! Mom hasn't been here when the G kids are over, with Mimi, for a date night, so maybe Mom can work wonders with Mimi.)

Saturday

• Lazed around all day and did nothing. Took a nap most of the day. 
• D took Avery to the gym with him, then took her to lunch, then they went to the fabric store to pick out fabric for a new skirt. Somehow Avery also managed to turn that one skirt into one skirt and a pillow case, so they came back with two fabrics. One with Disney princesses on it. Apparently, Avery knows exactly where in the fabric store the Disney princess prints are located as she beelined right towards them. I think she must have remembered me saying I wouldn't make a skirt out of the Disney princess fabric ("because it just won't work!" being my excuse), and I believe this is why she came up with the need for a pillow.
• In the late afternoon, the whole family went to see the Cirque de Soleil show Ovo. Avery was enthralled the whole time. She also loved to tell me which costumes she liked best. That girl is all about fashion/fabric it seems. 
• After Ovo, we high tailed it to the G's house, dropped off A, then went to see a late movie. 

Sunday

• Avery and I spent the morning making her pillow case. Avery is OK with me sewing versus being on the computer. She'll just happily play whatever while I sew. If I am on the computer, she's on me like white on rice. Why? Why? Why?!
• Following the pillow case completion, we watched Dolphin Tale as a family. At this point, I should have wanted to Get Some Fresh Air! Or take my child for Outdoor Adventures! But all I wanted to do was nap, so Avery got more TV until Christie & Amber arrived for craft night. 
• I spent craft night working on matching skirts for Avery and Elise. I'm almost done with them, but was too tired to finish up on Sunday night. 

Monday

• Took Avery to school, came home & slept for 2.5 hours, picked Avery & E & N up from school, watched the kids for a few hours, took A & E to their first kung fu (!) class, picked up dinner, went to bed at 9:30 and slept until 7:30 this morning. Holy shit that is a lot of sleep. More on that later. 
• Kung Fu! I've been wanting to take Avery to a martial arts class for a while, but just hadn't gotten around to it. The first class of kung fu was free to see if the girls liked it. Avery LOVED it. Elise loved it for a while, then the instructor brought out this foam thingy to "bop" the kids in the head if they failed to protect their heads. And when I say "bop" imagine the slowest possible motion and hitting someone with a feather to imagine what it would feel like to get bopped. Elise was VERY against that and backed all the way out of the circle. The instructor was very nice and said he wouldn't do the bopping with her, that she could just do the punches (he was alternating offering the punching pad or the head bopper, which forced the kids to choose which move to use - head blocking or punching), but that did not convince Elise. Anyway, at the end of the class, Avery said yes, she'd like to do more; Elise said no; then Avery said no, not without any other girls. Being a parent for 4+ years, I knew to DROP IT!  Megan with 2 years parenting experience would have FORCED IT and tried to convince her there and then. Time and space, people. Time and space. That's what Avery needs ... not unlike me! We're very alike in this way. Anyway, after she enthusiastically showed her moves to Daddy that night, I pushed the issue and said Elise wouldn't be in the class with her, she would likely be the only girl, but she had fun right? Besides, I reasoned, it's like in Roscoe Riley Rules #5, when he's the only boy in his tap dancing class, but he sticks with it because tap dancing is so fun. 
• Mom returned home from her visit with Wayne & Rosemary (her brother and his wife).

Sleep and Shock

So I've been sleeping a lot more in the past couple of weeks. Then, yesterday, I started to have a side effect from my anti-depressant that I have historically only had when adjusting to dose changes (smaller or larger). I call it the electric shock feeling. It's particularly prevalent when I move quickly. Turning my head makes me sort of dizzy, but it's more just a buzz kind of feeling. A mild electrical shock feeling is the best way I can describe it. It's not painful, but it's disturbing and makes me tired. 

Since I haven't changed my dosage in a long time (almost a year, I think), it's odd that I'm experiencing this. I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm hoping it's a temporary thing, but if it doesn't go away in a few days, I guess I'll go back to the PMHNP who prescribes my anti-depressant and see what she thinks. I am loathe to do that because it seems the answer will likely be an adjustment of some sort (lower dose, high dose, different med, additional med, etc). Adjustments almost always mean side effects for me. However, of all the side effects, this is among my least favorite. Anything akin to dizziness is awful. I'd rather have an upset stomach all the time than feel dizzy/shocky.

Throat

Fear of laryngitis
Yesterday my throat hurt horribly. In the afternoon, I got nauseous and threw up before dinner (TMI? Move along to someone else's blog then.) I felt better after dinner for a while, but not great. I took an Ambien to get me through the night since, when I'm sick with a sore throat, I wake up at least every hour to spit (TMI? again, move along then, no one's making you read). That worked beautifully. This morning, my throat is still hurting and I can feel my voice struggling. After having laryngitis exactly once in my life, it is something I never, ever wish to experience again. So I'm doing my best to limit my talking now. So I'm blogging ... because all my words have to go somewhere.

What I did with the rest of day (after typing that): sleep. I needed to conserve my energy for tonight's sitting duties. It seems to have worked since it's going well so far. Well enough for me to blog a bit.

Network
D is doing stuff with our network to get our new receiver hooked up to it. We also have to get my mom's new DVR hooked up so she has TV access and a working DVR downstairs. Once D gets the receiver hooked up to the network, we will be able to play music from our iPhones without wiring them to the receiver. That will be nice for Avery's "shows."

Kid Central Tonight
The G kids (minus Mimi) and Henry will be coming over tonight while their respective parents enjoy a night out. D will be at the Timbers game, which is where I believe Christie and Darren will be, too.

Right now the four kids are all happily playing upstairs for 20 minutes before the reading of bedtime books commences. Earlier all four were out in the backyard playing in the dirt and grass. At one point I checked on them and Avery had a shovel, had dug up part of the grass and everyone was standing around looking guilty. I decided I'd never actually told her she couldn't dig up the grass, so I made that a new rule and they all seemed satisfied with that. Of course, when they come in, everyone had to get undressed and immediately put on jammies. And Henry and Avery, who were both outside playing in the jammies with boots on, had to change into different jammies. I run a tight ship her at CdT.

Controlled

Stumble with a controlled fall
I've stumbled on my New Healthy Lifestyle. I haven't taken a walk in four or five days. And I haven't been choosing the best eating options, either. Not terrible options, but not great, either. I could be out walking now, but damn it, I don't want to. I've decided to take a controlled fall from this stumble instead of just letting myself say "fuck it" and letting everything go to hell in a handbasket.

I'm continuing to log my food which keeps things in check WAY better than if I didn't. And I'm not going to go back to bed now, which is what I want to do. I think this stumble is attributable to the coming disruption in my routine. It's a good an awesome disruption: a Mexico trip with girlfriends for the first five days, then with Avery and Damian (and Christie & Henry) for another seven days. But it's still a disruption and I need to recognize my tendency to, well, to say "fuck it!" when a routine disruption is on the way. 2012 is apparently about finding a way to work with my failings rather than to change them. Working with them in this sense is a controlled fall. There you go.  How's that for excuses? Damn I'm good.

Away presents
I'm preparing Avery's presents for while I'm apart from her in Mexico. Rather than buying her more stuff she doesn't need, I'm making her stuff she doesn't need, using my Silhouette of course! It's nice because when else would I make a paper tulip? Or a fancy Easter egg? Or a toy box house? Or a paper purse? Never. But this is the perfect reason to do so.

"presents" for each day I'm in Mexico without Avery

Cards for each of the kids (b/c A will be staying with E & N) for each of the days D and I are in Colorado. I still need to write jokes on E & N's cards and jokes & notes on Avery's. 

I'll have to make all of Avery's away presents & cards for Colorado Trip #2 (aka "help Mom move") after I get back from Colorado Trip #2 (aka "Spouses retreat with D's company").

Better

Better. Much better
I'm feeling so much better this week. Given the doctor didn't actually DO anything and all I did was take a couple of the migraine pills she prescribed for me, I am not sure why I'm feeling better. The constant nausea is gone, as are the headaches. I am not paranoid to eat, though I'm certainly avoiding foods that I know will cause a problem. It's a nice feeling to not have to plan my day around feeling sick starting about 2 pm and getting worse from there. Yipee! And just in time for Mexico next week!

I'm still trying very hard to watch my added sugar intake, but that's a tough one for me. Very tough. I had a few weeks there where I wasn't having any added sugar, but lately I've been having major chocolate cravings again. I think since I've virtually abandoned added sugar consumption via things like Starbursts, Fruit Roll-ups, etc, I've just shifted to other sugar ... like chocolate. Right now I'm obsessed with Ghiradelli dark chocolate squares with white mint.

Curtains to replace closet doors
I hate traditional closet doors. Always have. They're inefficient and hog up space and are frustrating. But when they're closed, they look good. On the other hand, I have also never particularly liked curtains in place of closet doors. Yet this is what I'm considering for Avery's room. Her closet door is behind her room door. It's awkward and has bothered me for 4 years.

I looked at a bunch of closets with curtains instead of doors on Pinterest. Observations:

• The ones that look best, imho, are those where the curtain is hung on the outside of the closet vs. on the inside. This is good for me since I want them on the outside because I want to be able to access the whole closet when they're pulled open. 
• While I like the idea of a fabric with a bold pattern for the curtains, the ones with bold patterns don't look as neat as plain curtains. However, the ones with a bold stripe here and there look best. Basically, to meet my taste, the curtains need to have a certain tailored look without being formal. 
• The fabric needs to have a bit of heft to it. Otherwise, to me, it looks half way done, like you hung up a sheet as a temporary measure. 
• I hate, hate, hate curtains that touch the floor. Very few of the examples of closet curtains do this, but I my hatred of this look is so intense that I must note it. We had custom made curtains at our house in Denver that touched the floor. I was THRILLED when the buyers of the our house wanted the curtains included in the sale of the house. 

Normally I love this woman's decorating decisions, but not the  floor length curtains. 

Special

special vs. Special
I'm having a bit of a splurge day in terms of food consumption. What this means is I've let myself have one square of Ghirardelli chocolate and two cups of tea. Ahhhh, this is the life. Actually, I'm doing very well at sticking to a much healthier diet in the past few weeks. I let myself have both desserts at dinner last night, but managed to stop myself from going back for seconds of either dessert. I'll take improvement where I can get it.

I've also made a bit of a mental shift. It may not stick permanently, however, I'm pleased with the shift as of now. In the past, I've looked at any time we go out to eat as a special(ish) occasion. It's date night? Ah well, I can have a box of candy. What? We're going to Pastini for dinner? Strawberry lemonade it is - after all, it's a special occasion! Turns out when you have special occasions constantly, they're not so special anymore. And they're bad for you. So I've decided that going to the movies is not Special. We're fortunate enough to get enough date nights that I need to stop thinking of date night as Special. It's just another day in our weekly routine. I don't get to go wild during our routine days. Also not Special: a day where Avery is at school, then at RHG's for the afternoon ... my day off, if you will. I get this almost every week. Very rarely does  it not happen. Yes, I'm totally lucky and that is totally special compared to a lot of SAHMs. However, it's not Special. I still have to do my walk on those days and I can't sit around eating chocolate and sugar all day as I've been known to do in the past.

What is Special is a fine dining dinner out with friends or with D. D and I don't do fine dining all that much anymore, mostly because we prefer to use our date nights for movie viewing versus food consumption. Since I don't do it more than once a month or so, I figure it can still be Special.

What is Special is going to a dinner at a friend's house, like we did last night.

What is Special is a major holiday meal.

What is Special is a birthday or a baby shower or something that doesn't come around every week or two.

And what will be Special is Felipe coming to cook for us at the casa during our girls' weekend in Mexico! Yes, ladies, I finally got around to emailing him to coordinate. Let's hope I haven't blown it and he's available.

Headaches & Queasiness
As I type this, I'm miraculously crappy-feeling free. I've not had a strict restriction of added sugar today, but in line with the mental shift that today is not Special for me, I've not binged, either. I am not sure added sugar is the main contributor to the problems I've been having lately, though I definitely acknowledge that cutting back significantly on added sugar benefits me in many ways (more energy, losing weight, etc).

Saturday night, after our movie on date night, I was feeling horribly. We stopped to get some Odwalla protein drink (which for the life of me I cannot figure out why that often makes me feel better, but it does). After coming out of the store, I cried about this situation for really the first time. Sometimes it occurs to me that I really don't cry that much. This is an odd realization because Megan without antidepressants is (often) a daily crier. I went so many years where I should have been on medication, that I just forgot that it's not "normal" to cry 1-5 times per day. Anyway, now that I don't cry easily, I sometimes find it frustrating when I can't cry. This situation has been building and building in frustration. Feeling like shit sucks. After my little crying jaunt of 10 minutes or so on Saturday, I feel like I have a renewed ability to deal with this and get through it. That I will just keep trying different things, or different doctors, until I figure out what's wrong. Hell, maybe I just had a recurrent tension headache from not crying for several months (I jest, obviously).