Habits

Habits
While I was on vacation, I read the book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It basically describes what experts/scientists now know about how habits are formed in our brains. In brief, a habit is a cycle of: cue, routine, reward. Once a habit has been established, it's a permanent part of our brain. We can create a new habit by substituting a new routine using the same cue and reward, but the old habit is always there and can come back easily. Habits are very, very powerful, yet they are fragile in that they can be disrupted and replaced if we choose to focus on it. This is a very high level summary. The book is worth reading if you have any interest whatsoever in the subject matter.

Cleaning and Reorganizing
I'm cleaning my office and reorganizing the contents while I finish up the RSVP cards.


And apparently I don't feel like blogging. I shall post this rather than just abandon it.

Swimming

Walk

I missed my walk yesterday after sleeping in until 10:30. It was worth it. This morning I woke up at 6 and walked. It's the first time I've truly seen the sunrise here. It is beautiful. There's no chill in the air at all. I managed to walk for an entire hour, though my pace was probably lacking a bit. I even stopped to take a few pictures. Thinking about it, the stopping to smell the flowers so to speak was probably more of an achievement than the walk.

Swimming

We went swimming at the hotel pool the other day. Avery is basically swimming. I'm declaring this as the first time Avery swam on her own. When she was swimming around in the kiddie pool, she could propel herself anywhere in the pool, but when she stops to breathe she stands up. Regardless, she's able to hold her breath, get back up when she goes under, and is generally very competent (for her age) in the pool. It's nice that we don't have to be in the pool with her and can just watch her from the side. 

Vic & Mike's parents sent a floaty thing for Avery that's kind of like a kickboard. She loves it and kicked around the pool with it for a good hour or so. 

Sleeping
Vic and Mike are a bit tired having an 8-month-old and all, but they're troopers. They still try to stay up with us to visit and/or watch TV. They don't *always* succeed with the staying up part. This picture was taken the other night as we were watching episode 2 of Damages.

Speaking of sleeping, last night was the first time Avery asked to get into bed with us instead of sleeping on her little bed on the floor. I said OK, but now my back regrets it. I sleep much more stiffly when she's with us in this bed than in our bed at home. Anyway, I moved her back to the floor this morning and that transfer went OK, so I think I can just let her up for a bit and then just put her back on the floor next time.

Books
I read Escape from Camp 14: One Man's Remarkable Odyssey From North Korea to Freedom in the West. I highly recommend it.

On to other books.

Today's Plan
After batting around all sorts of ideas, the big plan for today is walking around the big rock off the beach here (the area we explored with you and Henry, Christie). Oh, and Felipe is cooking for us tonight. Yipee!

Walking

Walking & Eating
I've walked the last two days. And I plan to go again today. I'm more motivated to do so because I've been using an app on my phone that tracks how far and how fast I'm walking, among many other things it tracks. It gives me a clear answer that I'm walking at the "very fast" past when I log my calories, which burns A LOT more calories that just a regular, moderate walk. And it doesn't even take into account the elevation I have to climb. I don't love walking, but I definitely don't mind it nearly as much as going to the gym. Going to the gym requires me to really devote a large chunk of time to it, between getting there and back, getting work out clothes ready, getting water bottle, etc.

I'm doing better with my eating. I'm also feeling better.  For breakfast, I've just thrown out the idea of breakfast food. I eat the same thing I eat for lunch: brown rice mixed with whatever veggies are on hand and maybe some nuts mixed in. My headaches are down, though still frequent, and I'm not nauseous for most of the day as I was in December and for much of January.

Meal Planning & Prep
It's funny because while Amber is moving towards a big shop once a week and meal planning, I'm moving more towards handling things day-by-day. And it's working out fairly well for me. During the weekdays, I really only have to focus on three days a week: Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Tuesdays and Thursdays we always have Laughing Planet because Avery's swimming runs until 5 pm. Trying to get home to make dinner in a state of Avery being tired from swimming and me being tired from being, um, me, didn't work. I find that if I do small grocery store runs for 1-2 meals at at time, vs. 4-5 meals at a time, I waste a lot less food. I am also realizing about myself, that when we have less food in the house, I'm more likely to use up all the food and be more creative about it. We'll see how this continues.

Things are also easier because D is on the elimination diet. For him, this is miserable, but for me, it's great. I don't have to worry about making something he likes because we're eating similar things everyday.

Reading
I'm in the middle of Here Be Dragons. I love it! It's even better than Sunne in Splendor. I'm so happy to have found another genre that I like. Here Be Dragons is about the Welsh prince Llewellyn of the 13th century.  My mom's side of the family is Welsh. I've never been overly interested in it as a matter of heritage, but I am finding the history of the Welsh culture interesting. I particularly like that their treatments and views of women were much better than their Norman equivalents of the time. Not great, mind you, but better.

Slow

Snow days are slooooooowwww days
It feels like Avery and I have been glued at the hip for days. She's sleeping with us (me*), she's constantly asking me to play with her, she's on me like white on rice. She's even started to ask me to watch TV with her when I use that as my escape route for a few moments.

Needless to say, I'm very ready for school to resume. Hopefully it's tomorrow. The snow up here is melting fast, but there's a relatively large amount of it.

*D has been heading for the guest room lately so he can get some much needed sleep. The blog update regarding this regression of to coming into our bed will have to wait for another post.

Tired
I'm having a bit of a hiccup in my energy levels. Truth be told, that's putting it a bit mildly. I'm sleeping a lot right now. I've also been having almost daily headaches for several months now. I'd attributed the November & December headaches to anxiety from the holidays and overindulgence in sweets. However, even with a change to a much healthier diet in January, it's more rare to have a day without a headache than one with one. And my stomach is no picnic either. Either I'm accidentally ingesting gluten often (unlikely), or something else is the culprit along with gluten.

Truthfully I know I should do the elimination diet again. And were I to start it right now, I know within a few days I'd be fine and not missing much of my old food. However, it's just so.much.work for me. I just don't feel like doing it again. It's illogical to not do it now since D is doing it right now, but I can't seem to force myself to do it.

New genre: historical fiction
I've found a new genre of book that I like! And it's not all gory and depressing like my survival stories tend to be! It took me quite a while, but I finally got through The Sunne in Splendour, a historical novel about Richard III. After I finished the book, I did some research and discovered the author was true to history when presenting timelines and characters and locations. Of course, no one could know what personalities all these people from the 15th century, so clearly those conversations and elements of the story are left to the author. I would have no interest in the book if it took liberties with historical fact, but the author chose to present all facts and then her interpretation of the known facts. Anyway, I really enjoyed it. So I'm reading another of her books, Here Be Dragons. It's the first in a trilogy about 13th century Welsh princes.

Lightened

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Weekend Update

This weekend was the second annual Daddy/Daughter Camping Trip.  Damian and Avery said they had a great time, though D was quite tired since he didn't sleep much.  As he put it, "I'm not really made for camping."

D intended to take Avery straight from the campsite to the Timbers/Sounders game this afternoon, but Avery decided she wanted to skip the game.  I think it's safe to say she's not going to be going to any more games this season.  Ah well, D really enjoys the games, so it wasn't a waste of money to get the season tickets.

Since I had Saturday afternoon and evening all to myself, I made plans with friends.  Christie & Amber came over in the afternoon to do some crafting.  After that we headed to dinner at Pepita's, followed by a movie.  I think I must have inadvertently eaten gluten - or something else makes me very sick - because by the time I got home, my stomach was not happy with me.

This afternoon, Avery and I headed over to pickup Elise so Avery would have a playmate for the afternoon.  RHG was out of town, so I coordinated the playdate with Jay.  It was the first time I've planned any playdate via a father.  It's no different than coordinating with a mother.  I took the girls to the park and then stopped at a store before we all headed back to the house to spend a couple more hours playing.

D & I dropped both girls with Jay for our evening date night.  We also had a date night on Friday night, but that one was using a real babysitter. Avery was so excited to have our neighbor come over to sit for her.  Anyway, D and I just went for sushi and a movie, so it was typical date night fare for us.

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Lightened Load

While I miss Turtle and I wish I'd gotten to have another three years with her, things are much easier with no dogs.  It's so much easier to keep the house clean.  It's also easier in the mornings and the evenings.  Dogs don't need to be fed, or watered, or let in and out.  I don't have to find an hour each day for dog walking.

A few things are more difficult without a dog around.  I still am not used to the crumbs or bits of chips on the floor.  I might have to ban eating in the living room.  That thought never occurred to me before since I've never had to vacuum or sweep due to food bits.

 

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Reading

I'm in a reading slump at the moment.  I'm reading a book written in the 1800's that was apparently instrumental in shaping Lincoln's views on slavery, however, it isn't the sort of book that is utterly captivating.  I am 30% of the way through the fourth book in the Ender's series of books, but it's not pulling me back to it they way the other three did.  And I haven't found any in my typical genre drawing me in.

Specialist

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Turtle & her eye

There's much I want to blog about to catch up, but Turtle is occupying most of my brain at the moment.  A bit ago I made an appointment for Turtle to see a vet that specializes in ophthalmology.  I decided that it's worth the consult fee to see if this vet thinks it can be anything simple - or at least treatable with reasonable medications.  I'm not going to authorize any tests that will reveal things that we won't treat (cancer, tumor that must be removed, etc).  Hopefully that approach will keep the cost down while keeping my guilt and worry in check.

Her eye doesn't look quite as bad as it did at its worst, but it's definitely unpleasant to look at.  And her nose is still bleeding a good amount.  She won't drink her food if I liquefy it, nor will she drink Ensure.  She will, however, drink an Odwalla protein shake.  Leave it to my dog to pick the most expensive option.  Ah well, the shakes are quite filling, so I don't feel like she's starving to death if I give her two a day.  She looks quite svelte right now. 

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Last day

Today is Avery's last day at her current school.  I was telling Christie that I'm not the parent to have emotional reactions to things other parents seem to react to.  By that I mean that I don't have these "she's growing up so fast" cringes and I often don't get emotional about things I hear other mothers talking about.  Well, I found the thing I do.  I'm having a hard time with this changing of schools thing.  I guess it's because she does so well at her current school, she fits in, she's liked by all the teachers and kids, and it's really been a great experience for her.  Her teacher called me yesterday to see what special treat Avery would like for her goodbye party.  Then she said, "If only I could have ten Avery's in my class."  I almost cried when I dropped Avery off at school this morning.  Avery, on the other hand, is just fine with it all.

I made thank you cards for the three teachers yesterday.  I also got each a gift certificate to Target. When Avery is old enough to pick out appropriate gifts for her teachers, I will go with something more personal than a gift certificate.  However, I have a lot of trouble buying knick knacks that *I* pick out for a teacher.  *I* would never pick a knick knack.  I always pick practical, so gift certificate it is.  At least I made personalized cards!

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TV

D and I have started watching a new series on USA called Suits.  I linked to it on Hulu for anyone who is looking for some TV to get them through summer.  Both D and I really enjoyed the pilot.  It avoided a lot of cliches, so I have hope it'll be a good show. 

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Books

I'm reading Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction.  A Goodreads friend (and former coworker from way back) read it and rated it highly.  She and I have somewhat similar reading tastes.  It's hard to read, not because of gory detail or awful stories, but because reading about a child who becomes addicted to drugs is gut wrenching to think about.  Oh, and Christie, it was published in 2008.

I'm also reading Children of the Mind, the fourth in the Ender's Game series.  It's not nearly as readable as the other three.  However, D told me the next one is very good, so I will slog my way through it to get to the next one.  D had the same reaction to Children of the Mind as me, so the author must have been having an off period.

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Sneak peak

And since I don't have the brain bandwidth (see aforementioned Turtle issue along with Avery's last day of school) to blog about these things, I shall make a list of all I want to blog about:

• Avery's fit in Colorado
• Recap of Colorado trip
• Avery's sleeping situation update (it's good!)

Leather

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Strawberry picking

Avery and I joined Christie and Henry for some strawberry picking this morning.  It was a lovely morning and we easily filled up a large box with red strawberries.  Most of them even hulled themselves since they were at the perfect moment of ripeness.  My only plan for these strawberries is to make fruit leather.  I've never made fruit leather, but I got it in my mind a while ago that I should (I like from a post or a share done by Lori).  So off I went to pick a box of berries.  I got home, took a nap with Avery, then went about washing and sorting the berries.  By the time that process was done, I realized I would only be able to do part of the fruit leather process (date night tonight).  I learned a few things during this process.  Shall I share?  Yes?  OK.

1. I don't like making fruit leather.  It's much easier to buy a box and unwrap the nicely packaged and perfectly prepared rolls. 
2. When a pot of strawberries and water is put on the stove to simmer, covered, and left unattended, it will boil over and make the range look like a bloody crime was committed above it.
3. When strawberry puree is put into a blender, holding the lid down tightly is key if you want to avoid strawberries all over the wall and cabinets and your shirt. 
4. Walls and cabinets clean up fairly easily; shirts, not so much. 
5. 12 cups of strawberries yields three cookie sheets of fruit leather. 
6. I picked about 36-48 cups of strawberries.  
7. This fruit leather better be light years better than the boxed kind or I'm gonna be pissed.

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Movies and Books

I'm still reading the Ender's Game series of books.  I'm on book three now, Xenocide: Volume Three of the Ender Quartet. If you'd told me even a few months ago that I'd be working my way through a sci-fi series, or that D and I would be reading them at the same time, I'd have thought you were crazy.

I wanted a way to rate the movies I see, then post them to FB the same way the Goodreads site does for books. That is how I stumbled upon criticker.com.  It's a cool site that creates a PSI - probability score indicator - for a movie based on your previous ratings.  Basically, after you've rated x movies, it compares those ratings to other users who also rated those movies.  Using aggregated data from all users, it can then create a PSI for each movie you have not rated, which tells you what you will likely rate that movie.  After I entered about 100 movies, I started to pay attention to the PSI it predicted for me before I ranked a movie.  It was surprisingly accurate, I must say.  Especially because it's on a scale of 0 to 100.  They seem to have gotten around the obvious problem of comparing one user to another user (that being what one user considers to be a score of 90 might be another user's 80) by essentially comparing movies based on a curve.  It categorizes the movies you've rated into tiers, then compares tiers to tiers.  Clever.

It was that obsessive rating that resulted in my 1:30 am bedtime last night this morning. I regretted it in the morning, but I do feel like I accomplished yet another meaningless data task and those are my favorite types of meaningless tasks. 

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Weekend plans

Saturday morning we're planning to go miniature golfing.  Sort of an early father's day celebration.  Saturday afternoon we're heading to a neighbor's house for a BBQ/play date with the families of two neighborhood kids Avery currently goes to school with.

Sunday I'm quite sure I'll spend packing for my flight later in the day.  Since they changed the time of the Timbers game, D will be able to drop Avery and me at the airport.  Avery and I are quite excited to see our CO/WY/CA relatives who will be at Dylan's (my nephew) 3rd birthday celebration.

Ender's

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Tidying and Laundry

Today is house tidying and laundry day. And vacation prep. I'm having people come in to clean the house while we're in Vegas. I want to get the most bang for our buck, so I need to be sure everything is organized and ready to go (they can't very well put clean sheets on the bed if there are no clean sheets, etc). I'm so looking forward to having a clean house when we get back from Vegas. Let me back up. I'm so looking forward to Vegas! Not so much Vegas as having time away to lounge and read and spa and eat and see our friends. Ahhhh. I'm so lucky to get this break.

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Books

I just finished Ender's Game, which is a science fiction book recommended by Amazon/Kindle because I liked The Hunger Games.  Sci fi is not normally a genre I read, but I thoroughly enjoyed Ender's Game.  I'm looking forward to reading the other two books in the trilogy.  To break things up, though, I'm reading The Two Kinds of Decay.  So far, I am really enjoying it.  The style of writing is very different from most books I read, so that's a good change of pace. I started it fairly late last night and am already 35% done, so I should be done today or tomorrow I'd think.  It must be fairly short.

That's one thing about Kindle (or any other eReader, I'm sure) that is still weird for me: I never quite know if I'm reading a long book or a short one until I start reading and get a feeling for how quickly the percentage done is advancing.  Kindle does not show page numbers (relating back to the paper version), but that still doesn't help me as much as feeling the thickness and weight of a book, it's pages, and seeing it's font.  Not that I'm complaining about the Kindle.  I love it.  I would have wanted a Kindle earlier in life more than I'd want an iPhone or an iPod or any other of the current electronic gadgets.  It is just so much easier for me find books I like via the Kindle than when I go to the book store.  I now download about 10 samples at once, then read them until I find a book I want to buy, then go back to the samples when I'm done and start over.  It's so much more enjoyable for me to find a book I like that way than to stand in a book store or read descriptions online. 

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Underwear and socks

Avery is now opting to wear her sneakers a lot more.  She likes to run and she knows she runs faster in sneakers (or her "French shoes" as we still call them), so she's shifting from loving the sparkly shoes to the practical ones.  This change means she wears socks a lot more often.  After several weeks of having to fish socks out of the hamper, I realized we needed more socks.  So I bought Avery socks and underwear at Target yesterday.  Based on her excitement, you would have thought someone gave her a truckload of toys.  I love how much she loves the small things and the big things and the non-things and well, everything.  Avery's enthusiasm is awesome.

+1

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+1

I just saw a post about Google's new +1 experiment.  It's kind of like "liking" something on FB, except you do it while you're other places on the Internet.  Watch the video to better understand it.  Yes, it's the same concept as Stumble Upon or Tweeting it, but I think it's better because it can be applied to a Google Search.  I would want to know if I were searching for "lawn service" and one of my friends/contacts +1'd a service.  Anyway, it seems like a great idea to me, but obviously it only works if you have enough friends participating.  As with all things Google, it'll be interesting to see if this catches on.  I signed up for the experiment have have already +1'd a few things.

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Today

Avery's in school today because I'm having the carpets cleaned in the house. That means she'll also sleep at the G's house tonight since it's not good to be in the house for several hours after the carpet has been cleaned.

D and I will probably see the new X-Men movie tonight. 

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Books

I read 8 books in May and the first couple days of June.  If I kept up that pace, I'd read 96 books a year.  That pace will not be kept up, clearly.  I'm thinking of forcing myself to read literature vs my usual difficult-life memoir genre.  That'll be the kiss of the death to my reading streak since I'll get stuck half way through the book and not want to continue.

After reading A Thousand Sisters: My Journey into the Worst Place on Earth to Be a Woman, I signed up to support a woman via Women for Women.  It takes 4-6 weeks to be matched with a woman.  After reading the book, which I have mixed feelings about, I understand that the letters you write to the woman you're supporting actually matter.  I think I always assumed they didn't.  We support a child through Compassion (yes, it's Christian charity and yes, it's weird for me to think about it considering my lack of belief in a god) and have for something like 6-8 years now.  I don't know how many.  Anyway, in a complete role reversal for us, it's D who writes Caroline (hey, at least I know her name?), not me.  This is always one of those things where I truly wonder if the money gets its way to the actual person, and then whether the money actually helps.  But I guess, in the end, I prefer to error on the side of hoping it does. 

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M&Ms & Gluten

I have not eaten a Starburst (one of my favorite candies) since I tried them a couple of months ago and got terrible, terrible heartburn from them.  Well, now it seems I will not be eating M&M's for a good long while either.  I had two small handfuls yesterday and ended up with a terrible headache and queasy feeling.  I checked and double-checked ingredients online and it seems that M&Ms made in the US are gluten-free.  D bought these from the bulk bin at WinCo, so maybe they're imported from some other country.  Maybe I'm also really sensitive to some other ingredient.  Who knows. Either way, it'll be a while before I try M&M's again.

Speaking of gluten, I'm now so sensitive that I will feel it even if I eat only a few crumbs.  Seriously.  And I feel it really fast.  Were it not so uncomfortable, I would totally demonstrate this amazing ability as a party trick.  It's like I'm sniffer-dog sensitive.  I impress myself.  But I digress.

Time

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Eddie's Time

Tomorrow's the day for Eddie to be put to sleep. We've made our decision. The vet will come to our house.  It's not our usual vet, but rather one that does this as a mobile service.  What a job.  I don't want to write much more about it other than to say I'm very firm that this is what needs to happen, both for the good of Eddie and for my sanity, but that I also burst out crying when I have to deal too directly with it (e.g. calling the vet on the phone, thinking too much about it, etc). Eddie has been particularly bold in his stealing of Avery's food lately. I think I've lightened up on scolding (who am I kidding, I don't even say anything to him) and he immediately makes a beeline for any Avery-food left within Eddie reach.  Poor Avery goes to the bathroom only to discover her turkey bacon missing upon her return. 

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Books

I finished my latest book, Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia the other night.  On my way to my final IV appointment, I needed another book, so I quickly downloaded one that D bought the other day: Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of SEAL Team 10. I gave it my best shot, but it's written by a Navy SEAL and SEALs are trained to believe they are the best in the world at everything.  It was so thick with how wonderful and smart and perfect he and all his buddies are.  While I admire the mental and physical toughness of SEALs and am grateful there are those like them willing to do that job for our country, I am definitely not the target audience for that book.  Ugh.  I couldn't stop rolling my eyes.  At one point he said one of his SEAL buddies was so smart he would put Harvard professors to shame.  I fully believe this is possible of a SEAL, however, the evidence the author used was that he could rattle off the populations of various countries and other statistics.  Um, that's not intelligence.  That's a good memory and rote memorization.  I shouldn't be so disparaging, but seriously, it was so thick with how god-like the author and his buddies are.

So, back to my usual genre.  I started A Thousand Sisters: My Journey into the Worst Place on Earth to Be a Woman. I feel, what?, guilty? embarrassed? weird?, about my attraction to dark subject matter, but I guess it's better to read dark subject matter and learn something about the rest of the world and about other people than to not read at all?  Yeah, let's go with that.  It's written by a woman who lives in Portland and who is married to a Brit, so there's that draw for me as well.

Paramedic

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Paramedic to the Prince

I just finished reading Paramedic to the Prince: An American Paramedic's Account of Life Inside the Mysterious World of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.  I found it to be a thoroughly enjoyable read.  I didn't know a whole lot about Saudi Arabia before reading the book.  I knew that the Saudi royal family was rich, but just how rich I had no idea.  Had the author just given me monetary figures, I think I still wouldn't have a clue.  Since he was the paramedic to Crown Prince Abdullah, he saw things and knew of things the average person doesn't see.  For example, the prince has three palaces in Saudi Arabia.  He has more other places, but three in Saudi.  However, each palace is actually a compound.  Within each of those are five palaces, one for each of his four wives and her children, and one for him.  There are other buildings, too, as well as grounds with ample greenery, etc.  This in and of itself didn't surprise me much.  However, when he said that each of those many palaces are updated yearly - all new furnishing, new everything - the cost of it was staggering.  The same goes for palaces outside Saudi.  Some of those palaces have never been used, or only used for a few days or weeks, yet they are immaculately maintained.  He told one story of a palace in Spain that was built, never used, but maintained for 5 or 10 years.  Then they decided they needed it for some reason (I think because some VIP was having surgery in Spain and was going to recover there).  So the entire immaculate and well kept palace was stripped and redone.  Furthermore, the fleet of about 50 Mercedes with zero miles on them, but that were 5-10 years old, were discarded and replaced by a new fleet of 50.  This sort of thing is totally common place.  At first, I was absolutely floored by the wastefulness.  And it is so very wasteful.  However, after reading about the culture and how things work, I'm quite sure none of the furnishing were thrown into a land fill.  They were just sold by those fortunate enough to be in positions where these things trickle down. 

I was talking to D about this story and he told me one of his own.  He had a friend in London whose roommate worked in a shoe store.  One day a Saudi prince came into the store with his wives.  The retailer helped the prince and his wives and apparently provided good service.  The next day he shows up to work and the keys to a brand new Porsche are handed to him; that was his tip.

Another fun fact: the Guiness Book of World Records is a book banned there (at least at one time) because the record for the most money lost in one day gambling in Vegas goes (went?) to a Saudi prince who lost $40 million in one day in Vegas.  The money is absolutely staggering.

I think the thing I enjoyed most about this book was its lack of pretentiousness and it's lack of social commentary.  The author doesn't shy away from his frustrations with the Saudi culture, but in his complaining about it, it's the same tone one would use when talking about a less-than-stellar former company.  He flatly says he has a love-hate relationship with the country and both aspects are easily evident in the writing.  The hate relationship, though, comes not from looking down on a culture or saying Western ways are better, but rather simply from logic, so absent from the writing is any sort of malice even if the author and almost all Western readers find some cultural norms of Saudi abhorrent.

Of course, now that Greg Mortenson's book has been shown to be less than truthful, and James Frey's before that, I'm always suspicious of non-fiction accounts.  However, I'm more inclined to believe the accounts in this book to be true simply for their lack of portraying the author in any sort of heroic or extraordinary light.  Yes, he was in a position to meet world leaders, but it's clear he was just doing it for the adventure and the salary. 

Anyway, I highly recommend this book if anyone is looking for a quick read about another culture.  There are a few rough things about the culture - their treatment of animals, their treatment of women - but it's limited to several sentences at most and is not difficult to read simply due to the lack of detail and lack of emotional connection. 

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IVs may be working

I'm feeling really good today.  Last week was really rough.  I was emotionally down and not feeling great physically.  I started to feel better on Friday, had a good weekend with the three kids, a good amount of patience, and no overwhelming need to nap (i.e. I could nap, but wasn't dying to take a nap).  Today I went in for my third IV.  He asked how my mood was and I realized it had been up and fairly even for several days.  He said that's good and that's typical.  I wasn't aware that the vitamins and minerals would/could have an impact on my mood, so it was an interesting connection.

The difference in me is subtle, so I cannot say for sure that this process has done anything.  Maybe I was due for an upswing anyway.  Who knows.  Regardless, I'm happy to be in an upswing.

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Head Fore

Avery has been calling her forehead her headfore for the past several weeks.  It's cute, but it's also weird because I am pretty sure that prior to that she knew it was a forehead.

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Goggles

The swim goggles worked to get Avery a bit more into swimming class.  She still needs to be able to do it without them.  She's not at all scared of the water or hesitant to get in, but she doesn't particularly like having her head underwater.  At least not during swim lessons.  In Mexico she never seems to have any problem whatsoever with it.  I can't wait for Mexico in October, which is when we next plan to go, so I can how her swimming has progressed. 

51

Movies & Books

The final count for 2010 is in: I saw 51 movies in the theater in 2010.  D didn't see quite so many because a few of those I saw with friends.  I do love me some movies!

I think I'll start keeping track of book stats the same way I do with movies, but I don't feel like setting that up just yet.  I already keep track of the books I read in GoodReads, which I'll continue, but I like to know percentages and numbers of things. 

I'm also going to start a movie tracker for Avery.  So far, she's really enjoyed movies in the theater (not exactly surprising), so that will undoubtedly continue to be a family activity. 

Avery's Sleeping

As if by some sort of divine miracle, Avery is now regularly sleeping in her bed all the way through the night.  Not only that, but she's also going to sleep at a more reasonable time with less prodding from us.  We're not in a land of perfection, or anything close to it, but I'll take it. 

In terms of going to sleep, we allow her to sleep on the floor at the top of the stairs if she so chooses.  We also only chide her to go to sleep a minimal number of times, so what time she actually goes to sleep is really more of her choice.  Typically, she sits up there and reads a few books to her babies, changes her jammies 2 or 3 times, etc.  Eventually, she decides to go to sleep.  The time she falls asleep, though, has shifted into what I deem an acceptable range versus some of the ridiculous times that were happening a month or two ago (8-8:30). 

She's also resumed her napping, though we refer to that time as Quiet Time.   It's her choice if she wants to nap, but 9 times out of 10, she decides to nap.  Since she so loves jammies, she almost always chooses to change into jammies for nap time.  Since I so love to nap, often we'll nap together in my bed.  It's a nice routine.

Thankfully, she can still skip naps if our schedule requires it. The cranky amps up a bit, but it's fairly minimal at this point, so it's not much of an issue.

Her sleeping prize is now received after seven nights where she sleeps in her own bed/floor for the entire night.   At seven, she gets $2.  We've explained that she can spend it right away on anything she wants, or she can save it to buy a bigger toy or something.  Right now, she's saying she wants to save it to buy a toy.  She doesn't know what toy, but the word "bigger" caught her fancy.  We'll see what she actually decides to do when she gets the $2.  I have no idea if others will consider $2 to be way too much for such a reward, but it feels about right to me, so we're going with it. 

Why seven you ask?  Because that's how many columns fit across the chart we made.  It is a random determination, but now that I think about it, it's also one week.  So $2 per week does not seem an insane amount of money for a sleeping reward/prize.  Or does it?  We're not changing it since we've already told her it's $2, but feel free to comment if you think it's too much so I can ponder other points of view for monetary rewards in the future. 

Whining

Avery's whining is out of control.  The problem isn't so much that she whines to get what she wants, but rather that she gets into a mood where everything she says comes out in a whiny voice.  I asked Christie and Amber (jokingly) if it would be wrong to flick her every time she whines.  The joke did, however, get me thinking that I needed to do something about this.  Plus, Amber said she knows a girl who had a normal speaking voice in preschool, but somewhere along the line, her normal voice was replaced with a constant whiny voice no matter what she is talking about.  That scared the crapola out of me.

So, yesterday I implemented a new rule: every time she asks or says something in a whiny voice, she's losing a toy for a period of time (not sure how much time yet).  I was rather pleased to see an immediate effort on her part to limit her use of the whiny voice.

To further emphasize the point, I told her a story of a girl named Avery.  In the story, Avery loses her Rapunzel dress due to excessive whining.  She has to earn that dress back by not whining for an entire day.  This morning, Avery recounted it to me and didn't whine once this morning.  Here's to this method continuing to work.

Published

My friend from HS recently had her first novel published!  I find it very cool to think that I am friends (albeit friends that correspond with each other much) with a published author.  I dutifully purchased a copy of the book.  As someone who reads almost all non-fiction, I don't think it's my cup of tea in terms of content, but I'll read it nonetheless.

Trail

Monday & Today

Avery and I spent all day yesterday at home.  Sick rules were implemented for Avery - unlimited screen time & as much milk as she wanted - and we made it through the day easily.  We both napped a bit, needed for me because Avery's been coming into our room at night.  This is not new, but what is new is that she's keeping me awake.  She lies there whispering to herself, or asks for water in the middle of the night, or just kicks me a lot.  We're going to have to go back to the no-Avery-in-the-bed rule soon.  I just can't be woken up constantly through the night and be able to operate the next day.

Today, Avery's at school and I spent the morning reading the book I started last night, The Aquariums of Pyongyang: Ten Years in the North Korean Gulag.  It's a good read so far - I'm about 45% done. 

In a bit I'm off to take Turtle on her first trail walk in a long time.  I have got to get back in the habit of doing it!  I feel guilty, it's not healthy for either of us to not do it, and it's the right thing to do. 

Avery's angelic streak continues

I don't know what's gotten into her, but I like it!  She's been so good lately.  She still has moments of pouting, but they're nothing.  Like such a minor blip that I find it hard to even note them.  I ask her to do a "sippy cup roundup" and off she goes to grab all sippy cups laying around the house to put them by the sink.  I ask her to please do something and she almost always replies, "OK, Mommy!" When I say no to things recently, most of the time she just accepts it.  Occasionally she'll ask why, but accept the explanation I give.  This is the greatest phase ever.

She did have a bit of a pout this morning, but even the way she handled it was more mature and easier for me to handle.  After showing me the dress she wanted to wear to school, I said that was fine, but she had to wear a long-sleeved t-shirt & leggings underneath since it is a summer dress.   She did not like that answer and sat on her floor thinking about the situation for a good long time.  I left her to think about her choices.  When I came back, she renegotiated and said she'd wear a short-sleeved t-shirt.  I appreciate polite negotiations, so I said, OK, that was a good compromise.  Of course, once I showed her a new t-shirt I bought several months ago and had forgotten about, she just wanted to wear that with no dress, which worked for me.  The t-shirt has a picture of a stethoscope as if it's draped around her neck. Avery said, "It has a stethoscope on it! I'm Dr. Avery Smith!"  She loves to play doctor.

Eye patch update

The drama with getting Avery's eye patch on and off has subsided quite a bit. Getting off can still be challenging, but I often take the approach of telling her to let me know when she's ready to take it off once she's had it on for the minimum amount of required time.  Typically, she wants to leave it on all day.

To lessen the pain when taking it off, I put a tiny bit of lotion on her face before I put the patch on.  This reduces the stickiness just enough to make the removal tolerable.

Azithromycin

Doctor Update

The doctor did a chest x-ray and said all seems OK, but that she suspects it's a lingering case of bronchitis.  She prescribed another course of antibiotics, this time a type that is better with dealing with infections in the lungs.  The antibiotic the doctor a couple of weeks ago prescribed is better at treating sinus infections. 

Sounding Letters

I keep forgetting to record this in the blog for time line purposes.  For the past couple of months, Avery has been saying, "G starts with glass!" or, "C starts with cough and (kitty) cat!"  Clearly, she has the sentence structure reversed, but it's pretty darn cool that she is starting to know what the first letters of various words are based on the sounds.  She's particularly good with words that start with A, B, C, D, G, and P.  For the record, I've corrected her and said that "kitty" starts with K, but "cat" starts with C.  I think it's more a problem that she refers to all cats as "kitty cats," but probably also that kitty and cat make the same sound, so why wouldn't they both start with C? 

Quiet Evening

Before I left Avery in her room, I tidied up the whole room and made sure that two night lights were on.  I then explained that her sleeping at the top of the stairs isn't working anymore and that she'd need to stay in her bed when I left the room.  I also said we're not going to leave the lights on in the hall anymore since her night lights provide plenty of light.  For whatever reason, my laying down of the law took tonight and I haven't heard a peep out of her.  Awesome.  Not to worry, though, I'm not fool enough to think that this is the start of a trend.  I am, however, thankful it happened tonight. 

D is at the Trailblazers game with a client tonight.  I am going to resume reading my book, I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced.  I'm not overly taken with the book, but it's good enough to finish. 

Paint

Paint

Hopefully they'll begin painting our house next Monday!  I cannot wait to get a new color up.  As I've stated before, probably more times than I realize, we never liked the color we chose for the house.  It looked great on the 2"x 2" paint sample card, but awful on the house.  Our GC is coming by tonight to get the final sign off on the paint.  

Funny

Check out this playground sign.  Apparently, Canadian children are bit more capable ... or Canadians are less sue happy. 

Housewives

Since I've been enjoying my new guilty pleasure of The Real Housewives of New Jersey so much, I TiVo'd The ... DC.  Um, not so much.  Thankfully, my embarrassing attraction to trashiness is isolated to those crazy NJ women. 

I did watch the first episode of The ... DC.  What I find interesting is that two are most definitely not "housewives."  One is a realtor who does 25-30 million in listings each year; another is not even married (with no desire to be married) and runs a modeling agency.  The title of the show should be The Real Attention Seekers of xxxx.

Books

I have no update here.  I haven't read much at all since I finished the last book.  I am taking it as a sign that I am not going to finish the book on modern slavery.  It's just not worth it.  So, I'm taking suggestions for new books to read.  Ideas anyone? 

NP

I saw the naturopathic physician this week.  The reason for going: to see what can be done about my constant need for sleep.

He explained a difference between conventional/Western medicine and Chinese medicine in a way that made me think about medicine in a way I hadn't before.  When you go to a conventional doctor with, say, a migraine problem, that doctor will likely prescribe Imitrex.  In other words, the doctor is prescribing something to suppress the symptom rather than fixing the problem causing the migraines.  The goal of Chinese medicine is to address the problem rather than the symptom.  I should note here that he wasn't at all critical of conventional doctors here.  There was no attitude that conventional doctors are quacks or aren't valid.  It was just explaining he different thought processes. 

I went to an acupuncturist when we were trying to get pregnant.  I remember her taking my pulses there and getting a similar result to his result.  Basically, according to Chinese medicine, my kidney function is close to non-existent and liver function is not stellar.  The way he described it, the kidney is like the battery to the body.  My battery is empty.

So, we're starting with three sessions of acupuncture, a blood test (which apparently is analyzed differently than conventional doctors analyze results), and I'm supposed to start an elimination diet.  My first acupuncture treatment is tomorrow.  Since Avery's not in school, I'm taking her.  I think she'll just want to watch the process, but I have my iPhone if she wants to watch TV. 

Eddie

Since we've been giving him additional medication to dull any pain and discomfort he is experiencing, we've had far fewer poop accidents in the house.  I'm not sure why, but RHG speculated that maybe he's more willing to go out during the day to eliminate since it's not as painful for him.  My guess is that is correct.

We still have issues, one of which was pretty traumatic for me the other day.  This is disgusting, so if you're easily disgusted, move along.  Avery was at school, so I decided to eat lunch in the living room while watching my new bad habit (RHofNJ).  I sat down in the chair, ate my lunch and thought all was well.  When I got up from the chair to put my dishes in the kitchen, a turd fell off the back of me.  It was then that I realized I had been sitting on a couple of turds in the chair and hadn't noticed.  So gross.  Clearly, it didn't smell badly since I didn't notice that.  Thankfully, that is the chair with the cover that can be washed, so I stripped it immediately and washed it.  No more Eddie in that chair! 

Braking

Ballerina Swimsuit

Avery has insisted on sleeping in her ballerina swimsuit for the past two nights.  She's tried to convince me that she should wear it to school, but I've been successful at cajoling her into more appropriate attire.

Every time Avery watches Angelina Ballerina - her new favorite show - she takes off all her clothes, puts on her ballerina swimsuit, then does her best to imitate the dancing she sees on the show.  I got some video of this and hope to put a video on the Trio blog soon. 

Hard Brakes

D and I switched insurance providers.  One option with our new insurance is to install a device that reports our driving speeds and other information to the company for each trip we make.  We get a 5% discount for participation, then up to a total of 25% discount based on when, how much, and how we drive.

We can log into the website and see how long each of our trips lasted, see our speeds, and see how many "hard brakes" we had.  Now it seems to be a competition between us as to who has fewer "hard brakes."  So far, I'm winning, but I think that's only because he did all the driving over the weekend.  Had I done half the driving, I think we would be tied.

Even though this has the potential to actually raise our rates (I don't think it will), I find it useful to be able to see how long each trip I make is.  For example, I now know that it takes 11-12 minutes to drive Avery to school.  It takes D 20-22 minutes to get to work. I love statistics, so I am a bit enamored with this right now.  Of course, when it bites us in the ass, I'll be mad, but for now, I like looking at the stats.

It also occurred to me that, with this technology, it would be really easy to monitor the speed of any new drivers, e.g. teenagers.

Books

I'm not particularly into either of the two books I'm currently reading, however, both are good enough that I will finish them.  The book on the Chinese Cultural Revolution is just a bit slow moving, though it's good enough that I will finish it.

I am also reading A Crime So Monstrous: Face-to-Face with Modern-Day Slavery.  I'm going to finish it, but I really dislike the author.  He's injected himself into the book in a way that I find to be offensive.  It's also very poorly edited. It doesn't follow a time line, nor a geography, so it's hard to get a grip on what is going on where and why.  The author is a journalist by trade.  I can see his ego through the writing.  I imagine him to be one of those journalists running around in war zone seeking the most glamorous stories while leaving the less flashy stories untold.  

Who Knew?

I wouldn't be allowed to adopt a child from China!  From an article online:
China has already cracked down on U.S. adoptions in recent years — it now bans adoptions by single women, anyone who has ever taken medication for depression and anyone with a body mass index of 40 or higher.
Good thing we ruled out international adoption early on!

Vegas

Damn

I drank a large Diet Coke at 4 pm.  9 times out of 10, this doesn't impact my ability to get to sleep.  Tonight happens to be the 1 time out of 10.

Vegas

We had a good time in Vegas, and more importantly, got a nice break from being parents. The trip had its ups and downs.

Ups: lots of rest and relaxation for me; great food; two trips to In N Out Burger; D breaking even on poker after being severely down heading into our final night there; going to a Kathy Griffin show; and, of course, spending time with Vic & Mike. We started calling Mike my Vegas Husband and Vic D’s Vegas Wife (and vice versa). Mike doesn’t like to play poker either, so he and I played a few games of Scrabble, attempted to read by the pool, and drank at the bar while D and Vic were at the tables.

Downs: the hotel was not to our liking. We stayed at Caesars Palace for the first time figuring we’d try something new. The rooms were nice. In fact, the bed was the most comfortable hotel bed in recent memory. The poker room was a good one according to Vic and D. The problem was with the rest of it. First, it’s huge. As could be expected, Vic and Mike ended up in a different tower than us even though we’d booked to be in the same tower. That made for lots of walking through the smoky casino. Second, the general ambiance of the casino was icky. Or maybe Vegas has just gotten more icky. I don’t know. Either way, we’ll not be staying there again. I think we all realized that we like Bellagio best.

I couldn’t believe how much Vegas has changed just since we were there last in October. They finished up City Center with these huge condos and shopping. Nearly all of it is completely empty. The sheer size of the empty buildings is shocking. And there were lots of towers of hotels that I didn’t even recognize. Granted, we generally stick around whatever hotel we happen to be staying at, but I’ve been to Vegas something like seven or eight times, so it’s not like I’m not familiar with it.

Reentry

Today was a good reentry day. Avery and I chugged right through the day keeping ourselves busy. Nolan came over in the morning so I could babysit him while Rachele took Elise out on Mommy/Daughter date morning. Following a nap, Avery accompanied me to my dentist appointment. This was the first one with our new dentist. I liked him well enough. He seems to have fully embraced all possible dental technologies, so I suppose that’s good. Anyway, not shockingly, my clenching and grinding has taken a toll. I’ve got minor bone loss and some other issues from it. They’re relatively minor, but I guess having them makes it slightly easier to swallow what I find to be an insane cost for professionally molded night guards. FWIW, if you think you can just use teeth whitening trays for clenching or grinding relief, think again. Apparently, that I used them probably made my grinding worse. Because those trays are so squishy, they act as a sort of stress ball for your mouth and encourage grinding. Ugh.

Following the dentist and a stop at the grocery store, Avery and I headed home to make a dinner of trout, pasta, and broccoli. Avery loves all of those things, but she is more easily distracted at mealtimes now. She’ll rush through and say she’s done after taking just a few bites. D and I pretended that we were going to eat her broccoli if she left it on her plate. She then raced to eat all of it. I think this is probably a trick that will work maybe one more time. 

Books

I have managed to read a few more books.  The most powerful and the most brutal was The Road of Lost Innocence.  I can handle reading about a lot of human suffering (though cannot stand to read about any animal suffering), but this book, by far, was the most difficult thing I've ever read.  Gut wrenching.  While I know it's not fun material, I do highly recommend it to anyone who is willing to give it a whirl.

Immediately following that book, I read another book about Cambodia.  When Broken Glass Floats is written by a woman grew up in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge regime.  Having just read The Road to Lost Innocence, I had a firm grasp of the role of women and girls in Cambodian society.  That gave me insight into the rareness of the attitudes of author's father towards women.

Prior to those two books, I read Tears of the Desert: A Memoir of Survival in Darfur.  Slave: My True Story, which I'd read a few weeks ago, also took place in Sudan, so I was familiar with the customs and traditions of the area.  I highly recommend this book if you want a better grasp of the Darfur genocide from the point of view of someone who has escaped.

I also read Fingersmith just to get all crazy and read a fiction book.  It was OK, but I wouldn't rave about it.

Now I'm reading Feather in the Storm about growing up in China during the Chinese Cultural Revolution.  I'm about 15% of the way into it.  So far, it's holding my attention very well, which is my main goal with a book.

Slavery

Today

I'll leave in just a bit to pick Avery up from school.  Her two days went by fast this week.  It was a challenge to get her out of the house this morning because I felt physically awful, but we made it.  Then I came home and finished my latest book (see book section).  I also took the dogs for a walk and did not a whole lot else.  

NYC

It looks like we're heading to NYC in April over Easter to meet up with D's dad and his partner, Rosie.  I haven't been back to NYC since my first visit there in 2001, just a couple of months before Sept 11.  D's family will fly over to NY, then head back to England on a cruise ship.  Neither Dag nor Rosie like to fly, so we're happy they're making the trip despite having to take a flight to the US.  

Books

I just finished Slave: My True Story.  Clearly, any book about slavery isn't going to be a pleasant read, but for whatever reason, I'm drawn to books with harrowing tales of survival in tough conditions.  It was well written and gives an understanding as to how slavery can continue to happen, and thrive, in today's world.  I did a bit of research. According to many sources, there are 27 million slaves worldwide today, more than at any point in history.

I'm not sure what book I'll read next. I have realized why the Kindle keeps me reading: I don't have a significant pause between books.  I never have to think ahead as to when I'll finish a book and need to get another because I can search for and download a book from anywhere (including pool side in Mexico, tyvm).  That ability means that I'm always prepared to start a new book, which is apparently key for me to keep reading. 

Slide

Park Visit

Yesterday, we met Christie & Henry at a park in Wilsonville.  It has this huge slide structure:

Photo from Portland Family Adventures

The red stuff is very rubbery and soft, so it's a very safe slide despite its appearance, particularly because whatever they've done to the actual slide, it is sooooo slow to go down (the first time I saw it from a distance, all I could picture was kids tumbling down red concrete).  Even though Avery could walk up it herself, she wanted to hold someone's hand on the way up.  To help me out, Christie instructed Henry to hold Avery's hand on the way up.  Talk about cute.  He'd wait for her at the bottom, then they'd run up the hill holding hands.  After a stint on the swings and breaking for a snack, Avery and Henry both went down the slide after it had been sprinkling for a while.  Avery got to the bottom and said her pants were wet and she wanted her jacket so she could sit on it to slide down (she'd seen Christie let Henry go down on his jacket earlier in the day).  I knew it would make her go faster, but figured she could handle it.  And she did indeed handle it just fine, but man, I wish I'd been videoing!  She flew down the slide and her face was just shocked.  I could see she was going to fly off the bottom into the sand, but I had something in my hands, so I couldn't catch her.  She landed in the sand with a thud, cried for about 3 seconds, then realized it was fun.  She looked at me and said, "I went way fast!"  She was so pleased with herself.  Very cool. 

Dinner & Movie

I met Amber, Christie, and one of Christie's friends for dinner and a movie last night.  It was such a needed night out given my state of mind this week.  And I got my appetite back.  I devoured my entire (large) piece of lasagna.  And I got candy at the movies.  Here's hoping I don't put back on the pounds I've lost in the last month or two because I like fitting into all my clothes. It's rather a nice feeling.

Books

I finished The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.  I highly recommend it to anyone who, even slightly, enjoys non-fiction books.  Thanks for the recommendation, KMK!

I'm now going to start on the book for our newly formed book club: That Old Cape Magic.  In fact, I think I'll do that right after I walk the dogs.

Funk

Blah

So I'm just feeling very, very blah right now.  I manage to force myself out for the occasional activity with Avery, but mostly all I want to do is lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.  Not cry, just stare, sometimes nap.  I'm physically exhausted all the time.  I'm thinking that the antidepressants may not be working very well.  Perhaps I'll need to try another type this time.  Who knows.  All I know is that I spend most time during the day just thinking about when I can lay down and sleep or stare.  Not good, people.  Not good.

Considering the number of breaks I get from being a SAHP, the fact that I'm exhausted is baffling to me.  Between Avery's school, D being quite helpful when he's home, and many date nights, I get more breaks than any other SAHP I know, yet I still feel like I'm slogging through mud on a daily basis.  My exhaustion is basically a catalyst for self-loathing.  Ah.  Enough.  Sorry. 

Eddie

I took Eddie to the vet this morning.  The vet was onboard with my opinion that no extraordinary measures  should be taken for older dogs.  It still cost us $280 since he's running a full bloodwork panel, but I was satisfied with his explanation for it: it will tell us if there are things that can be fixed with an easy pill, or if he's trending in a direction where we need to have a frank talk. As I typically am when in the midst of a difficult situation, I'm unemotional about it right now.

Eddie pooped in the car on the way to the vet. To make the situation even more smelly for the drive, Eddie moved to directly behind my seat to poop, then I had to brake suddenly at one point, rolling it even further in my direction. Fortunately, I brought poop bags and had plenty of wipees & antibacterial for my hands after the clean up. I'm so very thankful that Eddie has firm stools.  I know that's a bit TMI, but firm stools are really something to be thankful for when your dog is suffering from incontinence.

Books

I'm now reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, as recommended by my friend Kristine.  I'd read an article either about Henrietta Lacks or about the book a while back such that I was aware of the general subject matter, but I'm so glad to be reading the book.  It would make a good book for a book club since the subject matter is open to all sorts of ethical debates.  

TV

I'm done watching So You Think You Can Dance. I think I'm done with American Idol, too.  I don't like the new format for SYTYCD this season and I'm tired of the judges fawning all over themselves and the choreographers. 

Seriously?

I'm going to buy a scooter for Avery.  She got to ride one for the first time at Elise's BD party and loved it.  Since then, she has been pretending to ride a scooter around the living room using the wooden platter from a Plan Toys food set.  Anyway, as I'm going to Amazon to order it, I scroll down the page and see this:

Seriously Amazon?  People really buy three scooters of different colors at the same time?  I really don't buy that.