California ➙ Oregon ➙ School
That was Avery's route this morning. A 6:40 AM flight from CA to OR. RHG picked us up at the airport, dropped Avery at school, then dropped me at home. Brilliant stroke of genius on my part not to cancel school for her today.
I'm not too tired right now, but I also don't feel like doing much of anything. I know I would be short tempered with Avery were she to have come home with me.
Trip details ➙ Later
The trip was great. As is typical, I don't feel like detailing them right now. A good time was had by all. Five days of major theme park visits was probably a bit much stimulation for a 3yo - not to mention this 35yo - but we managed well and had a lot of fun.
Pictures can be seen over at Casa de Trio. Oh, and here's a picture that Avery took of me and Dad. She's a good photographer.
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| Picture by Avery. |
Put a bird on it ➙ ⿃ (that is a bird in a random East Asian script)
About the only thing I do feel like detailing right now is my new love of the phrase "put a bird on it." From Portlandia, as I'm sure all PDXers know. I haven't found Portlandia to be nearly as funny as it could be, given the gold mine of comedy here in PDX. And I didn't even find the "put a bird on it" skit to be that funny. However, in my head, it's become the motto for all things Portland.
Case in point: when we pulled out of the parking garage in our rental car in LA, one driver honked at another for no good reason. I find that honking is quite rare (relative to other parts of the country) here in Portland. In fact, the other day, D and I and several other cars sat through an entire cycle of a light while someone tried to get their car in gear. Not one car honked. I say that PDX is one of the few places where that is the norm.
Anyway, back to the rental car parking garage. As this person was honking, D stopped and let someone through. We made a joke about bringing PDX to LA, then I said, "Put a bird on it!" And now I say that everytime I do something Portland-like.
I'm quite sure that no one else finds this nearly as funny as I do, because, trust me, I find it really funny. So the next time you let someone in while in traffic, yell, "Put a bird on it!" and think of me ... or of Portlandia since they technically came up with it.
Mom, Dad, look away. I'm about to shame you
OK, I know that I'm supposed to be all disgusted by Charlie Sheen's behavior. But damn it, I just like him more now. The guy is off-his-rocker crazy and a total douche bag, but he's at least saying the thing that all of these self-important out-of-control celebrities are thinking anyway. My only disclaimer is that, of course, it's sad that his kids are mixed up in all this. Hopefully someone in one of their families steps up and takes the kids out of the situation because neither of their parents are fit to parent them. But, aside from the children being involved, I am thoroughly enjoying the Charlie Sheen crazy fest. The top 15 Charlie Sheen quotes just crack me up. These is taken from this ABC news article.
On his natural high: "I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." ("20/20.")
On how he survived his other highs: "I probably took more than anybody could survive. ... I was bangin' seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll, because I have one speed, one gear. ... I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs." ("20/20.")
On his daily life: "It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view." ("20/20.") I think this is my favorite. All we do is put wins in the record books. And the underwear quote - awesome.
On his two girlfriends: "You've read about the goddesses, come on. They're an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart. ... It's a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It's like an organic union of the hearts." ("20/20.")
On his prediliction for porn stars: "They're the best at what they do and I'm the best at what I do. And together it's like, it's on. Sorry, Middle America. Yeah, I said it."("20/20.") I love that he apologized to Middle America. Cracks me up!
On why he won't get married again: "I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer -- I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero." ("20/20.")
On partying: "I mean, what's not to love? Especially when you see how I party man, it's epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them, just look like droopy-eyed, armless children." ("20/20.")
On how his daughters with his ex-wife Denise Richards will regard him in the future: "They'll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin'-ness." ("20/20.") Clearly, he's delusional on this, but I gotta admire his commitment to his delusion.
On his honesty: "I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest. I'm extremely old-fashioned. I'm a nobleman. I'm chivalrous." ("20/20.")
On his dual personality: "I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself." ("Piers Morgan Tonight.") Hilarious. He achieved complete egomania and is self-deprecating at the same time - that takes some skill.
On the potential for John Stamos to replace him on "Two and a Half Men:" "I like John, but he doesn't have what I have and the show sucks if he's on it. Sorry, just speaking the truth." ("Access Hollywood.)
On how he cured himself of addiction: "I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction ... the fiction of AA. It's a silly book written by a broken-down fool." ("The Today Show.")
On how he avoids relapsing: "I just don't do it. I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren't special. People who don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA." ("The Today Show.")
On why he's not worried about "Two and a Half Men's" indefinite hiatus: "Well, I mean, first of all come Wednesday morning they're gonna rename it Charlie Bros. and not Warner Bros. [Ed. note: This has not yet happened.] Duh, winning! It's, like, guys, IMDB right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. I mean, c'mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn't even trying. I wasn't even warm." ("The Today Show.")
On his desire to be his true self: "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain." ("The Today Show.")
Big day
It's a big day tomorrow. Avery goes to school; I have to cook a few things to make the five days I'm away easier for D; the handyman is coming over to install several things; I have a haircut in the afternoon; and I have a surprise for D and Avery while I'm gone to pull together. Phew. Fortunately, I have (hopefully) elimination diet energy.
Today
Today, despite having acupuncture and not having napped since late last week (yea me!), I was hit with exhaustion about 2 pm. So was Avery. We both napped from, wait for it, hooooooollllllddddd ... 2 to 5:30! Both of us. We slept right through swim class and then kept on going.
Before the nap, Avery and I hit the OHSU tram for a ride up. We meant to meet Christie & Henry there, but just missed them. Anyway, after that, we headed over to Christie's for a playdate. Then Christie, bless her heart, offered to watch Avery while I went to the doctor. I was planning to take Avery with me, but I won't turn down a playdate instead, so that worked out perfectly. So perfectly that Avery was pissed to have to leave Christie's. She did not want to come home.
Mucus factory
That should be my new name: Megan the Mucus Factory. I feel like shit. I can't believe I still have bursts of energy even through this round of sickness. I'm grateful for that, but as of an hour ago, I hit my wall and now I'm just waiting for nighttime so I can put Avery to bed. In the meantime, she's watching Bolt.
I'm getting all achy now, which concerns me that this is the beginning of it and not the end. I have been sick since Feb. 6. Before that, I was hit by an awful, but short-lived, vomiting and other-end virus for a few days. I am quite sure I've been sick more than I've been well in 2011. I'm ready to have energy AND be well. Any day now would be just dandy.
The way I am looking at it, this is my third distinct bout with sickness since getting on my diet. Only I can tell the differences between each bout since to the rest of you, the only symptom other than my hacking cough and runny nose, is my whining about my never-ending sickness. In any case, I'm ready to be well. Now.
Sledding
This morning, while I wasn't feeling wonderful, I was certainly far better than I am right now. After eating my second breakfast (see next topic for why I ate two of them), Avery and I headed out to go sledding. When I heard snow was expected, I stopped to buy a couple of sleds just in case. D played with us out on the street out front for about 10 minutes between conference calls. Then Avery, Turtle Girlie and I headed over to the cemetery to do more sledding. I pulled Avery on her sled, had her hold my sled, then walked Turtle with my other hand. This went surprisingly well.
Once in the cemetery, I tested out the hill for the danger factor since we only had maybe 3 inches of snow which means hitting the road would be hard. Once I felt it was a spot safe enough for Avery, I sent her flying down the hill. At first, she was a bit hesitant. But after coming to a safe landing that first time, she wanted to do it again and again. I also had her in a helmet since we were sledding from grass to snow-covered cement.
After a while of sledding, I decided that our scheduled playdate with Kerry & Lily would be easiest to get to if I pulled Avery up the cemetery hills then down the road for a bit, then dropped back into our development. Pulling her was not what I would call easy. Those hills are steep, she's 30 lbs, and her sled kept accumulating snow underneath it. However, we made it and had a nice playdate with Kerry and Lily.
Getting home went very well. I was a bit worried that, since the hills are so steep, I'd have a hard time controlling the sled from taking off down the hill while trying to walk Turtle and my sled in one hand whilst pulling Avery with the other. Avery couldn't hold my sled, in case you're wondering, because she was busy eating Goldfish. Then I remembered I had something I could use to fasten the second sled to the back of Avery's sled. That made the journey back a piece of cake.
Turtle was very well behaved at Kerry's house. I left her in the garage. It's nice to have a dog whom I'm positive will not chew up anything in someone's garage, will not scratch on the door, and will not bark. Good Turtle Girlie. She did accidentally knock Avery down a few steps in the garage, but Avery had her helmet and snow suit on, so no harm no foul. I think that's actually the first time Turtle has ever knocked Avery down. Not bad for three years.
Double breakfast
So on my last post, I said I was heading to bed at 3:50. That didn't take. So I was awake last night from 12:30 - 6:00 am. I ate my first breakfast at 5 am, then ate another one at 8:30. And thus concludes the story of my two breakfasts.
Qaddafi
I have not been following any of the world events as of late. I understand Egypt had some sort of brew ha-ha (kidding, I do know a bit more than that). Anyway, not to make light of the situation in Libya, but this Vanity Fair slideshow of Qaddafi's fashion sense cracked me up. And how did he go from being not bad looking at all (see the last picture from 1981) to someone who has got to be on the ugliest people of all time?
Weird Ad
I saw this ad on FB a while back. Normally I don't notice ads (I have my own special brain that misses most ads - it's a gift), but this one stuck out. What the hell? Are these the women who failed to take advantage because they were busy getting boob jobs? Or does is it trying to depict that homeowners who fail to take advantage are tools?
School week
I've had quite the week off with Avery at school Monday, Tuesday and today. Plus, since it's been icy out, D has driven her to and from school each day. His car has snow tires and a snow mode (who knows if that does anything), so we're assuming his car does better on snow and ice. I still find it hilarious that an inch of snow and a bit of ice is so much more of a concern here than in Colorado, but even with considerably more snow, the roads in Colorado are typically way better than the roads here.
Yesterday, I cleared out the nook I'm going to spiff up for Avery. In that process, I managed to shatter a lamp and spread bits of glass all over our room. Later in the day, I dropped a glass in the kitchen. Plus, I sliced off the very tip of my finger when I was cutting apple slices for Avery in the morning. It was not the most coordinated of days for me. Nonetheless, I made good progress. I'm ready to buy the paint and carpet/rug.
Word play
My dad forwarded me this email:
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Knowing your interest in words, I just had to send this to you.
Did you know that, the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race car"?
And that "eat" is the only word that, if you take the first letter and move it to the last, spells its own past tense, "ate"?
And if you rearrange the letters in "Tea Party Republicans," and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Shut the fuck up you free-loading, progress-blocking, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, violent hypocrites, and deal with the fact that you nearly wrecked the country under Bush and that our president is black, so try and get over it."
Isn't that interesting?
Washington Post Mensa Challenge
Not to be outdone regarding forwarded emails about word play, my mom sent me this one just an hour later.
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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4.esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Definition of Awesome
A friend of ours just posted this FB update:
[Friend's name] would like the person who left their fast food leftovers and their kid's dirty diaper sitting on the ground in the parking lot that I (with gloves) picked up all your stuff and put it in your trunk. I expect you'll find it in a few days. Probably the hard way.
In the comments, people asked how this happened. Her answer:
Hatchback. She left it unlocked. :-)
Mold
The guy gets here today to start cleaning out the mold found in D's office upstairs. It will take two days to remove all the mold and then to clean all the stuff in the room. There's not that much mold, so most of that time is cleaning the stuff, I think.
Following clean-up, I need to hire a contractor to restore the room. We had planned to use the same guy who did our back deck (power washing & sealing & staining) and installed the new dog run, but we weren't happy with the quality of that work. D called him yesterday and called him out on the quality, which he wasn't happy about apparently, but he said he's going to try to fix the fence so it's not crooked. Which means I'll have to see him in person. This is not my comfort zone, that's for sure. Another reason I should never be involved in anything related to real estate or home renovation.
Sidewalk & House
They dug out the grass in our front yard weeks ago. Yesterday, they came to line up the concrete frame into which they'll pour the concrete for our additional sidewalk. Fortunately, I saw them doing it and realized there was a miscommunication since they'd made it too wide. I called our designer and he dispatched his guys who arrived maybe 30 minutes later to fix the issue.
I think we're sticking with the paint color. It truly has grown on me enough that I like it when it's gray and cloudy, which is most of the time. How convenient!
G Kids
RHG is in Colorado for a Google "unconference" about one of their software products she uses for kitchen design. This means I'll be babysitting Elise & Nolan the rest of this week (just from 11-4, so not all day). Avery and I are looking forward to spending some quality time with Friend Elise and Friend Nolan. We're working on calling Nolan "Friend Nolan" rather than "Baby Nolan." I'm wondering when Avery is going to drop "Friend" from Elise. It's partially our fault now because we always call them Friend Elise and Baby Nolan.
Paint
Hopefully they'll begin painting our house next Monday! I cannot wait to get a new color up. As I've stated before, probably more times than I realize, we never liked the color we chose for the house. It looked great on the 2"x 2" paint sample card, but awful on the house. Our GC is coming by tonight to get the final sign off on the paint.
Funny
Check out this playground sign. Apparently, Canadian children are bit more capable ... or Canadians are less sue happy.
Housewives
Since I've been enjoying my new guilty pleasure of The Real Housewives of New Jersey so much, I TiVo'd The ... DC. Um, not so much. Thankfully, my embarrassing attraction to trashiness is isolated to those crazy NJ women.
I did watch the first episode of The ... DC. What I find interesting is that two are most definitely not "housewives." One is a realtor who does 25-30 million in listings each year; another is not even married (with no desire to be married) and runs a modeling agency. The title of the show should be The Real Attention Seekers of xxxx.
Books
I have no update here. I haven't read much at all since I finished the last book. I am taking it as a sign that I am not going to finish the book on modern slavery. It's just not worth it. So, I'm taking suggestions for new books to read. Ideas anyone?
NP
I saw the naturopathic physician this week. The reason for going: to see what can be done about my constant need for sleep.
He explained a difference between conventional/Western medicine and Chinese medicine in a way that made me think about medicine in a way I hadn't before. When you go to a conventional doctor with, say, a migraine problem, that doctor will likely prescribe Imitrex. In other words, the doctor is prescribing something to suppress the symptom rather than fixing the problem causing the migraines. The goal of Chinese medicine is to address the problem rather than the symptom. I should note here that he wasn't at all critical of conventional doctors here. There was no attitude that conventional doctors are quacks or aren't valid. It was just explaining he different thought processes.
I went to an acupuncturist when we were trying to get pregnant. I remember her taking my pulses there and getting a similar result to his result. Basically, according to Chinese medicine, my kidney function is close to non-existent and liver function is not stellar. The way he described it, the kidney is like the battery to the body. My battery is empty.
So, we're starting with three sessions of acupuncture, a blood test (which apparently is analyzed differently than conventional doctors analyze results), and I'm supposed to start an elimination diet. My first acupuncture treatment is tomorrow. Since Avery's not in school, I'm taking her. I think she'll just want to watch the process, but I have my iPhone if she wants to watch TV.
Eddie
Since we've been giving him additional medication to dull any pain and discomfort he is experiencing, we've had far fewer poop accidents in the house. I'm not sure why, but RHG speculated that maybe he's more willing to go out during the day to eliminate since it's not as painful for him. My guess is that is correct.
We still have issues, one of which was pretty traumatic for me the other day. This is disgusting, so if you're easily disgusted, move along. Avery was at school, so I decided to eat lunch in the living room while watching my new bad habit (RHofNJ). I sat down in the chair, ate my lunch and thought all was well. When I got up from the chair to put my dishes in the kitchen, a turd fell off the back of me. It was then that I realized I had been sitting on a couple of turds in the chair and hadn't noticed. So gross. Clearly, it didn't smell badly since I didn't notice that. Thankfully, that is the chair with the cover that can be washed, so I stripped it immediately and washed it. No more Eddie in that chair!
Avery's cold = awful sleep
Normally when Avery is sick or has a cold, her sleeping doesn't change much at all. Not this time. She has a little cold with no cough. Mostly just a runny nose. Her sleep the last couple of nights has been crap. She's come into our bed and then proceeded to demand milk in the middle of the night, breathe noisily through a snotty nose, and just keep me awake. Hopefully she'll be all better by the time we leave for Vegas so the G's don't have to deal with this situation (I apologize in advance, RHG).
Absolutely Hilarious
I don't usually watch videos people post, but I finally clicked on this one posted by a FB friend. So very funny, even if you love your iPhone as I do. Do not watch with kids around - language is not appropriate.
House
They've finished the pillars for our house. They're a little too big - or the deck is slightly too small - but better than what we had, so we're happy. They'll also look better once they're clad in brick and painted the same color as our house. A few pictures. Clearly, the house hasn't been painted yet.
Running
Avery went running with D the other day. Here they are stretching before the run.
1,3,5
Even with the fuchsia misspelling, it's amusing.
Normal
D was finally feeling well again yesterday. The bug that was going around was not fun from the looks of things. Thankfully, D is now all better, which means that I'll be taking Saturday off. At least the portion before Elise and Nolan arrive for the G's date night on Saturday.
Accurate
The story Avery recounted to me about the ladybuy and Teacher Theresa: verified. Cool.
