DST
This time change thing is really throwing me off. I thought it was 4:00 and it was really 5:00, you know, because the time changed. It is the time change that will need to take the blame for dinner out tonight. I meant to hit the grocery store, however, things just got away from me. Improved energy or not, I cannot go grocery shopping with a preschooler in tow at 5 PM when I'm already hungry. If there was ever a recipe for disaster, that is it. I wish we'd get rid of DST. It's rather silly to be changing our clocks when electricity exists.
Preschool - final decision made
I feel 99.9% sure that even if Childpeace offers us a spot, we'll go with the play based program. I think Montessori has a lot of great things about it, but some of the things I've observed, as well as discussions with various folks (including anonymous commenter - thank you!), lead me to believe that my gut is telling me the right thing: playbased preschool is right for Avery and for us as a family.
Depression
Well, I don't know if a few days a depressive episode makes, but I'm not doing well right now. Last Tuesday, my PMHNP (therapist/drug dealer) and I decided the night sweats side effect had lingered long enough. It was interfering with regular sleep on a frequent basis. I would literally wake up with my clothing drenched with sweat and have to change clothes in the middle of the night. Lest you suggest I just go commando because that option is considerably worse because I would then wake up because I could feel the sweat dripping down my thigh or off my stomach. Also, because these particular night sweats result in me sleeping in one position for the duration (like I'm frozen, which is not how I usually sleep), I would almost always wake up to find my hands on my stomach and they would be pruny from so much moisture. So yeah, all of this is disgusting, but worse, it's a guarantee of a horrible night of sleep. I can't really judge energy levels when I'm getting the crappiest sleep ever, so time to switch meds.
I tapered down my dose of Zoloft during the last week. About three or four days ago is when I really started to feel the effects the lower dosage. My temper is ultra quick, I cry at nothing (example: Eddie pooped in the house this morning and this afternoon - I cried both times), and I am so unmotivated to do anything other than what I absolutely must. I've canceled several appointments in the past few days and am just pathetic.
Today was my first day on the new med, Prozac. I've taken it before, but I have no idea how I do on it. It was so long ago and it was in the time when family docs threw you on and took you off the SSRIs with no tapering up or down. Now, tapering is a big deal. Anyway, hopefully it'll work as well as the Zoloft, but be minus the night sweat side effect. Fingers crossed.
Croup
Avery is sick. She had what I think was a minor case of croup (confident of croup, not sure if there are minor or major cases). It was preceded by a week of a runny nose, which for Avery, is very, very rare. Other kids are often snot machines, I've noticed. Avery is not. So I was struck that this runny nose stuck around. Then, five days or so ago, she actually said her ear hurt in the middle of the night. Again, she has never, ever complained of an ear ache. I gave her Tylenol and asked her about it in the morning. She said it didn't hurt anymore.
Sunday night she had a few of the barking coughs indicating that it was croup. She did fine through the night, though. Slept through it all and was happy as a clam all day Monday. I sent her to school today after talking with the doctor. Tonight, she has a fever of 100.4 (so, not high), but it's the first time she's had any fever during this little illness. Plus, I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier. Regardless, she's asleep at 7:12 (early for her) and skipped dinner. Hopefully she's back to her normal self tomorrow.
And here is when I say how grateful I am that she is such a trooper when she's sick. Seriously. She has got to rank up there with the most easy going kids. She rarely cries, just wants to sleep, and doesn't fight the night time sleep even when she's coughing. She doesn't even seem to get more clingy (most of the time). Of course, tonight will be the night all of this ends because I committed the ultimate Mommy Blogger crime: bragged about my baby online. However, I say, when kudos are called for, they should be given. Because goodness knows those fits she throws over nothing at all are so very trying.
Diet
Still on it. I'm fucking frustrated as hell. I truly expected that I'd be feeling some amazing results by now. However, if I were reintroducing now, I'd have zero confidence in my ability to say any exhaustion is related to the reintroduced food or just par for the course. I cried through acupuncture today because I am just so tired of being tired.
The food cravings are somewhat kicking in, but I'm not so sure it is craving versus just being in a negative state of mind. What is the point of doing this if I'm going to feel almost no different? I might as well eat that chocolate marshmallow treat that Avery brought home for Valentine's Day. I'm not going to because damned if I won't make it to 21 days this time, but ARGH!
365
I thought about signing up to do the blogging everyday this year, but thought, "Why would I do that? I blog everyday anyway." Ha. Goes to show that 2011 is the year everything will change apparently. The lack of blogging isn't depression or anxiety or even lack of interest. I don't know what it is.
Grace
I loved this article about grace.
Diet (and some bitching and moaning)
It's day 12. I'm still on track. I'm frustrated because yesterday, after sleeping 12 hours (that is not a typo) on Saturday night, I had to take another hour nap in the morning because I was so exhausted. My energy was just non-existent all morning. It rebounded a bit about 7 pm, but I still went to bed exhausted last night.
I would have thought I'd be seeing big changes in my energy by now. I'm so very frustrated that I'm not. I think I do have more energy during my waking hours, but the need for excessive sleep is still there and things exhaust me that shouldn't given my age and (new) diet. Seriously. I'm pissed off about it.
Yesterday was the first day I came to breaking on the diet, and not because I was craving any sort of food, but merely out of frustration. Lack of results is frustrating as hell. Then, it's even worse when I start thinking about the what ifs. What if the diet doesn't work? What if I'm still exhausted? What do I do then? I've tried the Western medicine route. After the diet, I'll have given the alternative medicine route a try. At this point, it's all made worse because I'm not depressed right now. That means I want to do things, but I can't. When I'm depressed, the lack of energy is just that. It's not something that's standing in the way of me doing things since I don't want to do anything due to the depression. The fatigue without the depression sucks.
Valentine's Day
I got Avery and D gifts for V-day. We never do Valentine's Day gifts, but I thought of something, so I got them as gifts: matching official jerseys for the Timbers games. Since D bought season tickets for he and Avery, I thought they needed matching shirts.
Crazy
The really annoying part of my fatigue is that I usually gain energy about 7 pm - midnight. Who gets their energy then, I ask? So, last night I decided to make Valentine's Day cards and envelopes for Avery's preschool class.
I made the envelopes out of wrapping paper. I tried with just one sheet, but that was too thin. So then I folded the paper in half and glued it together to make a thicker sheet. This also means that the inside of the envelopes have the pattern, too!
I then made cards and affixed some hearts to the cards. Now, Avery and I need to put her name on the cards, then put some stickers on the outside of the envelopes to seal them.
A few things I feel the need to note:
- Yes, I do think Avery should have participated more, however, she is just not into crafts yet. Her attention span for crafts is less than 30 seconds.
- Yes, I spent a ton of time doing this and no preschoolers are going to give a crap that I made them cards and envelopes. I did it because I like to have an activity that focuses on details such that it occupies my mind almost completely. I say almost because we were watching TV while I did all this.
- No, the cards are not that impressive from a crafting standpoint, but I wanted to do small ones and well, it's more about the activity than the end results for me.
Weird & Fidgety & Off
If I'm being honest with myself, I'm in a rather weird state right now. Something is off. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I'm trying to find my balance. I'm not feeling down. I'm not feeling overwhelmed. I'm not feeling anxious, though my body is telling me otherwise (see next paragraph). However, since Christmas ended, I've been not quite myself. I'm not worried so much as I am confused. I'm waiting to figure it out. Because I've had points in the past where I've essentially crashed, I'm always kind of on the lookout for signs that I need to make an adjustment to avoid another crash: am I sleeping excessively? am I losing interest in things I normally love? am I feeling the urge to hide from people? am I moodier than usual? am I crying more? is my energy non-existent? etc.
One clear sign that I must be feeling some sort of anxiety, even if I don't know why, is a huge increase in my urge to fidget. I've always been prone to fidgeting. But my urge to fidget goes down when I'm on the anti-depressants. I hadn't put that piece of the puzzle together until recently. As I type this, both my legs are bouncing up and down furiously. I find myself bouncing my legs or shaking my foot.
I suppose I have a few other signs of things going somewhat awry: I haven't been blogging nearly as much. The increase in things I'm getting stuck on (e.g. email organization). But normally I see those things reflected in mood, as well. I don't feel unhappy at all. Quite the contrary. I'm very happy with things at the moment. I'm happy with one child (oh so very, very happy about that decision!), I'm happy with my choice to stay home with Avery, I'm happy I get so many breaks (deserved or undeserved) from being a SAHM, I'm generally happy and content. So WTF is going on?!
I do plan to talk to my drug dealer PMHNP about it during our next appointment, but for now I just find it perplexing, if not life disrupting. A thought did just occur to me, but it doesn't make logical sense: I haven't been to acupuncture since December 21st. If one subscribes to the belief that acupuncture does indeed have the power to direct energy flow in the body, then maybe stopping it has resulted in pent up energy coming out through fidgeting and offness? I don't know. That sounds crazy. I still have a hard time writing about this stuff because a big ol' portion of me feels like I am obviously making all this stuff up in my head and it's not real and I'm just a big baby. OK, that statement almost made me cry, so maybe there's something there. Especially since I hardly ever cry when I'm on anti-depressants (seriously, it takes A LOT to cry and even then it's like a 30 second moment and it passes; Megan off anti-depressants is often a weeping mess).
Continuing Obsessions
When I realized I should send an email to coordinate details for our trip to The Mexico!, I knew I had to seize the opportunity to create a Google Site for the effort. So I did. It's way overkill. It's so not necessary. Yet I'm so happy I did it. Except for the fact that I stayed up until 1 AM doing it and messed up my sleeping schedule for a 24 hour period.
FSA rules
I spent several hours today trying to sort out a few things for our FSA for 2010. I hate the FSA. It makes me mad that you lose the money and that you have to set it aside to start with. It's just a stupid process. But I digress.
Here is what I learned today: if you have an FSA account with a company, then you quit or get fired or lose your job somehow, you are entitled to claim the full amount you designated for your FSA regardless of how much you've actually contributed to the FSA. Confused? Let me explain further. Let's say you quit your job at the beginning of January, therefore you've made one contribution (from January's paycheck) to your FSA account. Let's also say you had elected, before quitting, to contribute $2000 to your FSA for that calendar year. For the time that you're still covered under the insurance for that plan, you can claim the entire $2,000 (assuming you have legitimate medical expenses in that amount in January) despite the fact you've only contributed $83. And this, people, is how I discovered that we really, really should have incurred a hell of a lot of medical expenses in January of 2010.
Eddie The Pooper
Eddie's inability to control his poop has returned after a lovely month-long hiatus of accidents being somewhat under control. I'm grateful for the hiatus.
Sleeping Beauty
Avery has consistently slept in her bed (all night) for the past week. She has earned her first $2 and says she wants to save it to buy a "tiara and a leotard and brown shoes and a yellow dress and red shoes." She's going to be a bit surprised when she learns how much things cost. I've explained she won't be able to buy all that with $2 and that she'll have to save up, to which she responds, "OK, Mom, I will save my money and then I will buy a tiara and then I will wear it." I'm not convinced she gets it yet, but we'll see.
Also very odd to me is that she wants another tiara. She has several and she hardly ever wears any of them. It's odd.
Growth Spurt?
Avery has been eating constantly for the past several days. She ate an entire package of grapes in a day (among other things). She'll eat a whole pint of blueberries and then ask for some bagel. Either she's going through some sort of growth spurt or the milk-in-a-glass thing is a bigger difference than I thought it would be.
Her desire to drink a large amount of milk out of the glass (without a straw) is increasing. At first, she'd drink it like I see most kids do it: a little bit at a time and sometimes even leaving milk left in the glass. The past few days, I've seen her down the whole glass in maybe 5x the amount of time it would take her to do the same amount in a sippy cup. Keep in mind that she can drain 8 oz out of a sippy cup in probably 2-3 minutes if she wants to. I am hoping this desire to drink large amounts out of a glass doesn't put us back to where we were with the milk consumption.
Counting
Last night I was reading Ten Little Ladybugs to Avery. She's been solidly able to count (1-1 counting) for months and months now. Last night, with each page, she consistently was unable to remember the number before the last number she was counting. For example, if we were on seven, she count the ladybugs: 1-2-3-4-5--7! On six, she'd do: 1-2-3-4--6! She always got the number right, but couldn't seem to come up with the second to last number. Very weird indeed.
Movie
D and I are seeing the Hood to Coast movie tonight at the Keller Auditorium. I best be getting ready.
Holiday stress is here
I shouldn't be surprised, but Monday marked the return of my usual holiday moodiness. It's not so much the holiday as the general chaos. It's not helped by the fact that Eddie has been pooping more in the house after a lovely stint of few accidents over the course of several weeks. There have been three in house accidents today alone.
It's also not helped by the fact that Eddie is following me around a lot more. He tends to act strange when Mom is here - either he gets more clingy with me, or he gets clingy with mom, or some other variation. That he's following me around all the time is driving me more crazy given his nails are so long and he just makes this click, click, click sound constantly. I know it's so minor. I shouldn't complain, but if I don't vent here, where will I? That's right, by yelling even more at Eddie.
Finally, it's not helped by Avery's new found love of saying, "Moooom!" repeatedly in a whiny voice. I swear, she must say my name 100 times a day. She'll say it even when D is sitting right next to her - as in, she seems to think only I should be asked to attend to her every need.
Nook
When Avery saw her nook, she was most definitely underwhelmed. I think she didn't quite know what it was for. She also seemed a tad bit fearful. This morning, however, she was thrilled to hear me say she could take her babies and books in there and read to them! In she went, making sure to tell me that she was safe (hence the reason I think she was scared initially). It was also a big hit with Elise while she was here for a short playdate this afternoon. They both went in a closed the door and giggled away. So cute!
Birthfamily visit
We had a visit with Nikki & Grandma J on Saturday. It went very well. Avery and Garrett played and played and played. Garrett would sing the ABCs and Avery would dance.
Adopt a family
I've been immersed in my own little materialistic world of gift buying for Avery and people I know. It's high time I shift gears a bit and do something for those less fortunate. I also want Avery to know it's important to recognize and help others who aren't as fortunate as we are. At first, I thought I'd find a toy drive and buy a toy for a needy kid or two, but as I was searching online for locations to do this, I found an opportunity to adopt a needy refugee family for Christmas. Since I've read a couple of books about the lives of refugees seeking asylum in America* (Do They Hear You When You Cry? and Behind the Burqa: Our Life in Afghanistan and How We Escaped to Freedom), I feel a connection to helping out these families. So, we're adopting a refugee family for Christmas. It's through Lutheran Community Services NW.
I've been informed we'll be "splitting" a family with another sponsor because this family has eight people in it. I'll soon receive details about the four people for whom we'll be buying gifts.
I can say for sure that I won't be buying anyone this $89 decorative rope from Restoration Hardware. Seriously? It'd make a good (crappy) white elephant gift if it wasn't $90!
* FYI, America does not treat refugees seeking asylum very well. We basically stick them in prison until it's proven they are truly in danger in the country they are fleeing, or we deport them.
Expectations
Juxtapose these two articles:
Do the people, mostly the GOP, who believe so feverishly in American exceptionalism realize that just saying it doesn't make it so? You actually have to do the work. You actually have to fund education. I came across one of D's report cards from his elementary school years. I was stunned at the bluntness of the assessments made. It told the truth: you need to improve here and here, you're not doing well here, do better. I could not recall a single teacher being anywhere near that blunt with me on any subject. Does this sort of coddling contribute to the fact that American teens rank 1st in the world in self-esteem, but 23rd in math? Is it a part of why US teens lag as China soars on international test?
Which leads to my issue with Little Gym. Consider this rant an attempt to let go of my issue with Little Gym so Christie & Amber don't have to hear my complain about it every time they see me. The general format of Little Gym is as follows:
1. Sit in a circle and do introductions
2. Run around on the mat and do various exercises
3. Spread out in the gym for a bit of "free" time for maybe 5 minutes
4. Watch the instructor demonstrate a skill
5. Kids attempt the skill
6. Repeat steps 4 and 5
7. Gather on the mat to play a few more games with balls or bubbles
8. Sing a song goodbye & listen to announcements
Now, I have issues with their method of starting the music, then stopping it to talk, then starting it, then stopping it, then starting it ... And I have issues with how the class in conducted from an efficiency standpoint since the kids rarely get to practice a skill more than once. However, it's not these things that so enrage me. Let me outline what really gets my goat.
Issue 1 - low expectations
At the beginning the teacher always says how she wants parents and kids to be on the mat and participating in the songs, but then she says, "But it's OK if they run around and play. Just keep a watchful on the kids. But parents stay here and model good behavior." Yeah, if you don't tell the kids you expect them to participate in the class, you're going to have at least ½ that don't participate at any given time.
Another example of low expectations: the teachers consistently assume a child is not capable of a skill. For example, Avery and Henry can both do very skilled somersaults on their own. They roll in a straight direction, they tuck their heads, they roll. Every damn time the teacher says let's do forward rolls, she "helps" both kids do the roll. Let them do it on their own! You could argue the teacher is just being safe and spotting the kids. However, I see it as not giving kids the room to work on the skill themselves. Yes, spotting is needed on more difficult skills, but a forward roll? And the teachers do this with everything it seems. Henry could probably manage to jump off the highest bar in the room and he'd be fine, but that teacher always grabs his hand to help him jump two feet. Why are the mats there if not to help cushion falls?
Issue 2 - teaching rudeness
One of my biggest pet peeves when I was in HS was kids who would talk while the teacher, or even worse a guest speaker, was talking. It still drives me crazy when people do this. I find it so very rude when people talk while a speaker or teacher is speaking. This class format basically teaches kids that it's OK to be rude when someone - and a teacher no less - is speaking.
Issue 3 - rewarding those who don't follow the rules
Often, because the format of the class is so stupid and there is so much chaos, the teacher is rushing to get a skill demonstrated so at least a few children will get to try the skill. When she/he demonstrates, kids are often instructed to watch from a safe distance. What I've noticed is that the kids who don't do as instructed tend to be the ones selected to demonstrate a skill. I don't care that Avery, who in these situations tends to be a rule follower*, specifically doesn't get to demonstrate, but I do care that what she's witnessing is the rule-breaker being rewarded.
I don't remember having such issues with Little Gym the first time around. Thinking about it, part of it is probably that I think expectations should increase as children get older. When she was in the class before, it made sense that the kids would be mostly exploring and/or not expected to sit in a circle. However, that needs to change as kids get older.
And, yes, this is the same place where we're doing Avery's BD party. For a BD party, the point is to have fun and have a party, so this loosey goosey way of doing things is fine in that situation.
* Need I qualify this statement? No, well, I'm doing it anyway: At the moment, Avery tends to be a rule follower in these situations ...
Falling apart
It seems our appliances are hitting the age where problems are popping up more often. The latest appliance to act up is the washing machine. It now beeps for no reason and sometimes refuses to work. I did some research online and the problem seems to be a broken electrical control board. Unfortunately, I discovered while I was doing research that our washing machine, that we paid top dollar for five years ago, is basically a piece o' crap. We have had a few minor problems, but it's washed clothes well and I've been quite happy with it. However, there are terrible ratings for our model all over the place. And problems seem to start happening about now. So I don't know if we should spend the $200 (my estimate for fixing our machine) to get this one fixed, or if we should get a new one. I hate to spend money on a new washing machine because, well, how fun is that? Not fun. It also seems so very excessive to get a new one with the first issue. But, if it's only going to experience more problems, maybe it's better to bite the bullet now. I don't know. Thoughts, anyone?
Hair and Urine and Poop (aka HUP)
I wonder how many of you readers will just skip to the next section given the title of this one? Yet I have to complain here because where else would I complain?
Before Avery and I left for our lunch date with Amber & Josie, I walked into the garage and saw Eddie had pooped in there overnight. I get Avery loaded into the car and proceed to clean up the poop. This is HUP encounter number one.
After Avery and I returned from lunch, I decided it was time to get back to daily dog walks. So we take Eddie and Turtle out for a walk. About half way through the walk - which keep in mind is relatively short compared to the old days because Eddie can't handle much of a walk - Avery announces she has to go potty. A quick calculation in my head tells me she's consumed at least 20 oz of liquids since the last time she went potty about 2.5 - 3 hours prior, so I figure I have to head back home with her quickly. She dawdles her way back home with no urgency whatsoever and goes potty at home. This is HUP encounter number two.
I felt badly that the dogs' already short walk was cut even shorter, so we headed back out with the dogs. We make it through that walk at an excruciatingly slow pace given Avery's need to examine each and every tree, leaf, and stone. Upon return home, I decide to brush the dogs. This is HUP encounter number three.
Then I decide to sweep the entire garage because I already have to sweep up all the dog hair just brushed from the dogs anyway. Sweep, sweep, sweep ... uh oh, I missed a turd. I have to clean that one up. HUP encounter number four.
As I'm sweeping, I realize I have to clean out Eddie indoor dog crate. On Friday, while moving it out to the garage because of the party we had on Friday night, I realized there was a small turd in the back of the crate. I don't think it was very old, but it was hard to spot because the mat in the crate is poop colored anyway. So I did what anyone with little time and desire to clean out a dog crate would do: closed it and left in the garage. Anyway, I can't very well leave that turd in there much longer, so I clean out the turd and wipe down the crate with bleach water. HUP encounter number five.
Next, I realize I haven't picked up the poop in the dog run for several days. I glove up and head out. I pick up an insane amount of dog poop considering Eddie poops in the house or garage half the time anyway. HUP encounter number six.
As I'm taking the bag of poop away, I realize I've stepped in a big pile of poop whilst cleaning up. Great. HUP encounter number seven.
Exhausted from so much HUP, I head upstairs to get some laundry done. This is when I see a large pool of urine on the floor of our bedroom. Please, oh please, let this be a fluke! If I have to deal with fecal *and* urinary incontinence from Eddie, I don't know how long I'm going to last. I immediately took it out on Avery by snapping at her when she asked me to read her a book. She wasn't bothered, but I apologized and explained I was frustrated. HUP encounter number eight.
I decide that I need a break, so I tell Avery it's time for quiet time in her room for 45 minutes. About half way through, she asks me to come upstairs to put the blanket on her. I oblige. When I enter her room, my nose tells me she's peed and pooped in the potty in her room, so I clean up that and ensure she's properly wiped and washed. HUP number nine.
A change will do you good
I have made a few small changes in my routine that are currently working out for the better. First, I have started to shower at night rather than in the morning. I'm a rare breed of person who doesn't love a shower (I do when I'm really dirty or quite smelly, but not as a way to wake up). For me, showering is a functional activity rather than a pleasurable one. As such, I tend to put off showering in the morning as long as I can. The result of that habit is that I tend to lounge around until I talk myself into getting going, but then I still have 30-45 minutes of time before I can actually go. Showering at night, after dinner, means that I can let my hair air dry (no blow drying - woohoo!), completely wash my face and get all ready for bed, brush my teeth, get into jammies, etc, then head downstairs to watch our evening TV. The benefit in the morning is that I get dressed and ready to go immediately upon waking up because I'm not putting off the shower. Plus, my hair oddly looks better in the morning.
My second minor change is the part of my hair. You see, I choose the side I would part my hair on based on my ears. I have one ear that sticks out more than the other one. Logic-based Megan decided that, in order to minimize the chance my ear would stick out through my hair, I should have the part of the other side of my head, so there would be more hair covering the ear that sticks out more. See? Totally logical. Except for one thing. My hair looks significantly better if I part on the other side. I considered chopping off all my hair before Mexico. I decided to at least wait until Spring if I do it, but it got me to thinking: if I'm ready to chop off all my hair and display my uneven ears, then screw the part. So I flipped it. And damn it, why didn't I do it years ago?
Drama
We had a little family drama (extended family, not family with D, Avery, and me) around here yesterday. It sucked. Majorly. I don't feel it's appropriate to blog about it since I don't really have that type of blog, nor do I feel like rehashing it. However, I will say it has completely drained me of the energy reserves I seem to have been building. Damn it. The good news, though, is that my mood - which tends to plummet for days with this type of emotional thing - is very stable. I'm just exhausted. But what's new there? Thank goodness tonight is dinner out with friends.
Wow
A colleague forwarded D an email from the Trailblazers. It's a standard marketing email, in this case advertising pre-sale tickets. Check out the picture. See anyone familiar? Considering D hardly goes to any sporting events, I find it quite astonishing that he'd end up in a picture used for marketing of one.
OCD is my name, useless activities are my game
Labeling of posts was a feature added a year or so after I started blogging. I have tried at various times in the past to label posts, but always stop because I get too specific and end up with a million labels.
For whatever reason, I decided to start labeling posts again. However, of course I can't just start labeling; I have to go back and label all past posts. I'm doing it a month at a time because I don't want to get mousers wrist. Why must I need to do such pointless activities?
I still have way too many labels, but I cannot stop myself, so I'm going accept this over-labeling trait as The Way I Am. For the Avery categories, I started them all with {a} to differentiate. And I still have labels from the past applied (hence so many falafels and kormas.)
Of course, whenever one starts to dig through something, unfinished business elsewhere pops up. For example, the Annoyances section below is the start of an unfinished post last December.
And allowing myself one crazy act of OCD-driven-uselessness is bound to create others. Since I decided to consistently use single word post titles, I have this urge to go back and change all the post titles. However, I will resist this urge because it seems a bit like changing what I said.
Annoyances
- People who tell people to "enjoy it while it lasts" with regards to children. Does anyone think that any stage lasts forever? Should we really have to type "I know this will change, but ..." before every little declaration of enjoyment?
- People who respond "TMI!" to status updates or blog posts. Really? Suck it up and stop being a prude.
- People who use FB status updates as a place to be all mushy and grateful about their lives. With the exception of the occassional "Hubby did this, he rocks!" or "Child did this, am so proud!" I don't want to hear about your blessings. Basically, if I see your status start to glaze over with frosted glass and cheesy music, ew. Ick. TMI! (teehee).
Fuck! (Warning: This is a huge bitching section and I'm not going to apologize for that.)
Seriously, I'm so pissed off with my voice right now. I'm just boiling inside. It's so fucking difficult to be around Avery when I can't talk. If she asks a question and I don't answer, she'll just ask it again and again and again. This syndrome is especially bad in the car. However, it's really constant throughout the day. I didn't exactly follow doctor's orders when I kept talking rather than remaining completely silent (how am I supposed to do that when I have a 2.5 yo?), but I'm so frustrated right now. I think I must be tensing my body as a result of the frustration because I'm getting muscle spasms all over.
I'm able to at least talk when I need to right now, and I can talk and carry on conversations if I need/want to, but the thing is that I pay for it later that night and then next day. My throat feels like I've swallowed gravel right now because of all the talking today. Relatively speaking, I haven't talked that much, but it's still awful. I can't explain to Avery why this and that effectively, so the mini-tantrums are through the roof. We've also dropped her nap on days she's not in school and she is Cranky with a capital c (in case you missed that capital c there) by 4 pm.
Tomorrow, we have a playdate in the morning followed by dance class at 11:30. Other than the playdate, I plan to talk as little as is possible. The rest of the day I'm parking Avery in front of the TV. My voice just can't handle trying to be a real parent. I want to cry I'm so frustrated. I have all this energy (FINALLY!) and I can't make full use of it because of my fucking voice! ARGH!
Powerless is the word I'm searching for to describe this feeling of frustration. I feel powerless to properly parent Avery; I feel powerless in terms of getting my voice to work; I feel powerless in removing this frustration.
Shopping
Given Avery's love of clothing, 
I'm embracing my inner-shopper. I wouldn't naturally pick out frilly tutus and pink ruffles, but if she's going to wear them, I might as well find ones I find cute. My current weakness is Zulily (damn you for introducing me to it, Christie!) It's where I got her purple skirt for the sleeping reward, the purple dress that is her current sleeping reward waiting to be earned, and a yellow princess dress.
Today, I let Avery pick out a few dresses she liked, then asked her to pick her favorite to be her next sleeping reward. She picked this one. I think it's pretty (as pink dresses go ... I dress in olive green and gray all the time, so clearly I'm not a pink person).
Tumble Bugs class
Today was our first of three Tumble Bugs classes. It is with Miss Erika, the same teacher who will do her dance class tomorrow. I love Miss Erika. She doesn't put up with any crap from the kids, but is still enthusiastic and fun. Thinking about it, she is pretty much what you'd expect a trained dance teacher to be.
Avery had a great time. She absolutely loved it and dived right in. From a motor coordination perspective, there was little that challenged Avery. However, from a following instructions perspective, it was right up her alley and she was challenged to do the stretches and poses exactly the same as Miss Erika.
Laryngitis
Diagnosis confirmed. Treatment of not talking (including whispering) and lots of fluids and "taking care of myself" received. I'm not sure how to achieve this not talking thing with a 2.5yo and three dogs. It's so f*&%ing frustrating. I cannot adequately express how frustrating. The dogs got loose out front and ran off into the neighbor's yard. What could I do since I couldn't yell after them? The answer is jump and down and throw a minor hissy fit. Nice.
I have a picnic on Saturday and a dinner on Sunday. I am not missing either one, but it's going to be interesting when I have to mime all my conversations.
I have learned that even laryngitis does not stop complete strangers from attempting to have a conversation with me. I'm clearly struggling to speak, yet they're still getting all chit chatty at the car wash. WTF? I couldn't be less friendly in my body language if I tried, but we live in Portland and that means chatty chatty chatty apparently.
Diet = Done, Megan = Bitching, You no like = skip this part
Maybe I'll resume at another point, but as of now, it's out the window. I was thinking I might be able to recover after my slip at lunch, but after the dog walk and then brushing the three dogs, it's totally done with. Something had to break between not being able to talk and having a third dog in the house. Not only is there more chaos, there's so much more hair. I keep vacuuming and that does nothing. Eddie is shedding like a maniac, but I can barely brush him because he goes after me (gently) due to pain. I try to do it as gently as I can, but he's so sensitive in the back now that it's very difficult to do. Touching his hip is like a mass of bony bumps. Things are definitely all messed up back there.
Then there's the constant poop issue. Eddie is back in the garage at night due to incontinence, but there's still the poop in the garage to pick up, plus in-house accidents during the day. And the poop in the dog run. And Avery's twice a day pooping. My life is like shit-picker-upper central right now.
Ah crap. Now I'm a bit nauseated from eating stuff not on the diet. I guess my body adjusted to it. Man, I'm in a mood today. Screw it. I'm going all the way with this mood. Check out this Dear Abby article. Some woman writes in for advice about a friendship gone south and Abby says, "DEAR HAVEN'T A CLUE: I wish you had written me before soliciting advice from your neighbors because ..." Seriously? The first thing this "Abby" says is how you can't even ask for advice right?
Amazing Race
The Amazing Race will have a team of a birthmother and her biological daughter whom she placed for adoption. They've only very recently found each other. I must say that I find it so cool that the show has such a pairing on it. I love when adoption comes out of the closet.
Yesterday vs. Today
Yesterday I wrote the Barf and Reorg sections. Today I wrote the Top Ten Favorite Avery Traits section. Two vastly different tones.
Barf
I'm in a bit of an anti-social mood, so pardon my rants.
First, who the hell joins the group "Fans of being a mom!" on Facebook? It's like joining the group "I'm against child abuse." Duh. It makes me want to puke, just like those copy and paste statuses about how "If you have a wonderful man that works hard to take care of you, would do anything for you, that makes you laugh, that's your best friend, who you want to grow old with, who is your world & someone that you're thankful for every day & night, then post this to your status to give the good men out there the recognition they deserve." But the worst ones are the ones that say 93% of people won't repost, will you be in the 7% who will. WTF?
Second, how are NPR and Faux News even mentioned in the same sentence? Should NPR get front row at the White House or Faux News? Again, duh.
Third, a friend shared this via Google Reader. It's a survey administered by a Christian website about immodesty and men's views on women as it relates to immodesty. When I first read it, I shrugged it off. But the more I think about it, the angrier I get. The idea that the men in this survey think that it's the responsibility of women not to bend over for fear of appearing immodest and creating lust in the men is just archaic. And 48% think that women should not wear purses across their bodies!? These men are only slightly removed from requiring women to wear a burqa. One man said, "An immodest lady is loud, proud, and dresses in a way that communicates such an attitude (male, age 24)." Basically, this is a shut up and do as we say attitude. Disgusting is the only word I can come up with.
Reorganization
I cleaned out one side of my pantry this morning. It feels good to have that space less cluttered and more organized. I also moved Avery's desk into the great room. She didn't sit at it much in my office, so we'll see how it works in there.
I also finally got around to ordering the gift certificates (via Diners Club reward points) we'll use to get Avery more bookshelves and storage for her room. It will be nice to have a place to put all the books. I can fit them all into the current bookshelf, but they have to be arranged just so, which takes time. I like to tidy up Avery's room each night before bed, so I need to be able to do it quickly.
Also via Diners reward points, I ordered a lot of gift certificates to get various household items at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I find it painful to buy things like sheets and pillows and pots and pans. I have no problem spending that money on a single airline ticket, but a tough time doing it to replace stuff that is worn out.
I've also decided to get the garage organized completely. To begin with, I'm getting rid of all the stuff I've had sitting in it to Freecycle or donate (I'm doing one mass drop off at Goodwill, etc vs trying to Freecycle individual items). My future reorg will have a location to put things to get rid of so I can do this in batch, but I just need to have a clean slate to start with, so a mass drop off it is.
Top Ten Favorite Avery Traits
I have been feeling like I whine a lot about Avery's whining and her tantrums. The truth is she's really amazing a vast majority of the time. As such, I'm going to do my top ten favorite things about Avery at this age. Please note that I am aware that any of these traits/tendencies/habits could change at any moment. I am also aware that many of these things are not unique to Avery, so this isn't a "my kid is so much better than your kid!" list; it's a "I'm so happy to be Avery's mom!" post. In no particular order, despite the fact they're numbered, I present my favorite Avery traits:
- Potty training = cake. I am so very grateful for how easy it was to get Avery potty trained. She's been out of diapers since just before her 2nd BD and has had less than five accidents. Occasionally she'll get a few drops of pee on her underwear, but even that is rare. She has been without diapers through the night since her 2nd BD, too. That was entirely her doing since I never even suggested to her she try to hold it through the night. She just did it. She regularly goes 13 hours without peeing, though if she does wake up in the middle of the night, she can go potty by herself and get herself back into bed. I don't ever have to ask if she needs to go potty since she takes care of it herself. In fact, I'm pretty sure she goes potty less than I do, so when we're out and about, there's rarely a scramble to find a public restroom. I never would have guessed it could be like this. So.very.awesome. All of it. I'm so grateful.
- Loves school. This morning, she was ready to go to school earlier than we usually go. She asked to go, so I took her. When we got there, she ran right into the room and started playing. No tears, no drama. I love no tears and no drama. When I pick her up, she comes running happily into my arms and gives me a huge hug. I love it. I love that she so easily slots into this routine, but also that she loves to come home. Awesome. Simply awesome.
- Good eater. She's not the greatest eater in the world, but overall, she's really good and I'm thankful. Proteins are these easiest to get her to eat. Give her salmon or trout and she's a very happy camper. Beans, nuts, hard boiled eggs ... she loves all of those. Fruits are easy to get her to eat, too. Vegetables are somewhat more difficult, but broccoli and carrots raw are a bingo most of the time. I have noticed it's way more difficult to get her to eat well at a restaurant than at home (except for sushi where she'll down piece after piece of salmon). However, the same is true for me.
- Big tantrums are rare now. For the past couple of months, the big tantrums have not been frequent. She had one a couple of weeks ago, but prior to that it had been a month or so. And even the recent one wasn't as bad as previous tantrums. The car seat battle phase was the hardest for me, but those are really minimal now. I'm not delusional enough to think we're through with tantrums, but I'm hoping we're through the worst of them.
- Happy to go to bed. While actually getting to sleep can sometimes be a process, Avery is always happy to head upstairs to start our nighttime routine. She never protests. She happily says goodnight to whomever is not putting her to bed, then heads upstairs and settles in to drink her milk and read books. Yes, she still drinks a cup of milk before bed. Yes, we brush her teeth after the milk. No, I have no plans to eliminate the milk from our routine. After she goes to bed, she typically gets up 2-3 times still, but we're reaching a point where I can usually just tell her how to resolve her issue while remaining downstairs (e.g. Avery: "I have a booger!", me: "Get a tissue, then get back in bed.")
- Naps are cake. Since starting school, nap time is so very easy. It was never terribly difficult, but it's so darn easy now. I am so so so so so grateful.
- Not a spiller. I don't know why this is so, but Avery rarely spills anything. She just doesn't knock glasses or bowls over. She seems to always put her glasses down fully on the table (vs with a little big hanging off). I don't know if this is just an insane streak of luck or what. She's always been this way. All I know is that we rarely have any spills to clean up.
- She is a hugger. Avery is in a stage where she loves to give hugs and kisses. To be clear, she was never against them at all, but she is all about the cuddles and snuggles now. I love it. We snuggle in the chair and talk about her day, or she'll climb into bed with me in the morning and ask to get under the covers and we'll spoon. My favorite is when she asks for group hugs. For about a year now, we've done a group hug before bed. Now she'll ask for a group hug. When Dad was visiting, she wanted to do a group hug with Pop Pop. So sweet.
- Plays well in public. While the before and after of an event can be full of tantrums and whining, when we're actually at an event, she's typically stellar. This makes it much easier. We were at D's company picnic and there was another girl there her age. She was having a really hard time (through no fault of her mother who was doing a great job at not coddling, but also at giving her the attention she needed) and having fits. That she does so well in these settings make it easier for me to have a good time.
- Easy to console. If she gets a minor scrape or bump, she does cry, but three squeezes (that our household's fix to most problems, "Do you need three squeezes?") and she's typically fine. A real injury takes a bit longer, but even those she recovers quickly. Quicker than me at least.
