Fidget

Weird & Fidgety & Off

If I'm being honest with myself, I'm in a rather weird state right now.  Something is off.  I don't know what it is, but I feel like I'm trying to find my balance.  I'm not feeling down.  I'm not feeling overwhelmed.  I'm not feeling anxious, though my body is telling me otherwise (see next paragraph).  However, since Christmas ended, I've been not quite myself.  I'm not worried so much as I am confused.  I'm waiting to figure it out.  Because I've had points in the past where I've essentially crashed, I'm always kind of on the lookout for signs that I need to make an adjustment to avoid another crash: am I sleeping excessively? am I losing interest in things I normally love?  am I feeling the urge to hide from people?  am I moodier than usual? am I crying more?  is my energy non-existent? etc.

One clear sign that I must be feeling some sort of anxiety, even if I don't know why, is a huge increase in my urge to fidget.  I've always been prone to fidgeting.  But my urge to fidget goes down when I'm on the anti-depressants.  I hadn't put that piece of the puzzle together until recently.  As I type this, both my legs are bouncing up and down furiously.  I find myself bouncing my legs or shaking my foot.

I suppose I have a few other signs of things going somewhat awry: I haven't been blogging nearly as much.  The increase in things I'm getting stuck on (e.g. email organization).  But normally I see those things reflected in mood, as well.  I don't feel unhappy at all.  Quite the contrary.  I'm very happy with things at the moment.  I'm happy with one child (oh so very, very happy about that decision!), I'm happy with my choice to stay home with Avery, I'm happy I get so many breaks (deserved or undeserved) from being a SAHM, I'm generally happy and content.  So WTF is going on?!

I do plan to talk to my drug dealer PMHNP about it during our next appointment, but for now I just find it perplexing, if not life disrupting.  A thought did just occur to me, but it doesn't make logical sense: I haven't been to acupuncture since December 21st.  If one subscribes to the belief that acupuncture does indeed have the power to direct energy flow in the body, then maybe stopping it has resulted in pent up energy coming out through fidgeting and offness?  I don't know.  That sounds crazy.  I still have a hard time writing about this stuff because a big ol' portion of me feels like I am obviously making all this stuff up in my head and it's not real and I'm just a big baby.  OK, that statement almost made me cry, so maybe there's something there.  Especially since I hardly ever cry when I'm on anti-depressants (seriously, it takes A LOT to cry and even then it's like a 30 second moment and it passes; Megan off anti-depressants is often a weeping mess). 

Continuing Obsessions

When I realized I should send an email to coordinate details for our trip to The Mexico!, I knew I had to seize the opportunity to create a Google Site for the effort.  So I did.  It's way overkill.  It's so not necessary.  Yet I'm so happy I did it.  Except for the fact that I stayed up until 1 AM doing it and messed up my sleeping schedule for a 24 hour period.

FSA rules

I spent several hours today trying to sort out a few things for our FSA for 2010.  I hate the FSA.  It makes me mad that you lose the money and that you have to set it aside to start with.  It's just a stupid process.  But I digress.

Here is what I learned today: if you have an FSA account with a company, then you quit or get fired or lose your job somehow, you are entitled to claim the full amount you designated for your FSA regardless of how much you've actually contributed to the FSA.  Confused?  Let me explain further.  Let's say you quit your job at the beginning of January, therefore you've made one contribution (from January's paycheck) to your FSA account.  Let's also say you had elected, before quitting, to contribute $2000 to your FSA for that calendar year.  For the time that you're still covered under the insurance for that plan, you can claim the entire $2,000 (assuming you have legitimate medical expenses in that amount in January) despite the fact you've only contributed $83.  And this, people, is how I discovered that we really, really should have incurred a hell of a lot of medical expenses in January of 2010. 

Eddie The Pooper

Eddie's inability to control his poop has returned after a lovely month-long hiatus of accidents being somewhat under control.  I'm grateful for the hiatus. 

Sleeping Beauty

Avery has consistently slept in her bed (all night) for the past week.  She has earned her first $2 and says she wants to save it to buy a "tiara and a leotard and brown shoes and a yellow dress and red shoes."  She's going to be a bit surprised when she learns how much things cost.  I've explained she won't be able to buy all that with $2 and that she'll have to save up, to which she responds, "OK, Mom, I will save my money and then I will buy a tiara and then I will wear it."  I'm not convinced she gets it yet, but we'll see. 

Also very odd to me is that she wants another tiara.  She has several and she hardly ever wears any of them.  It's odd. 

Growth Spurt?  

Avery has been eating constantly for the past several days.  She ate an entire package of grapes in a day (among other things).  She'll eat a whole pint of blueberries and then ask for some bagel.  Either she's going through some sort of growth spurt or the milk-in-a-glass thing is a bigger difference than I thought it would be.

Her desire to drink a large amount of milk out of the glass (without a straw) is increasing.  At first, she'd drink it like I see most kids do it: a little bit at a time and sometimes even leaving milk left in the glass.  The past few days, I've seen her down the whole glass in maybe 5x the amount of time it would take her to do the same amount in a sippy cup.  Keep in mind that she can drain 8 oz out of a sippy cup in probably 2-3 minutes if she wants to.  I am hoping this desire to drink large amounts out of a glass doesn't put us back to where we were with the milk consumption.

Counting

Last night I was reading Ten Little Ladybugs to Avery.  She's been solidly able to count (1-1 counting) for months and months now.  Last night, with each page, she consistently was unable to remember the number before the last number she was counting.  For example, if we were on seven, she count the ladybugs: 1-2-3-4-5--7!  On six, she'd do: 1-2-3-4--6!  She always got the number right, but couldn't seem to come up with the second to last number.  Very weird indeed. 

Movie

D and I are seeing the Hood to Coast movie tonight at the Keller Auditorium.  I best be getting ready.