invites

invitations & other crafty stuff
Yesterday I finished the cutting for both layers of Avery's BD invitations. After about ten iterations of design changes, tweaking here and there, and opinion soliciting, I finally arrived at something that felt right. I'm quite pleased with them, overall. I need to assemble most of them today.

final invitation with identifying details smudged out

Did you know that glitter card stock isn't exactly square? I didn't either. I bought 12"x12" glitter card stock thinking I'd just use my hand paper cutter to cut it into four equal 6"x6" pieces. When I then put the first layer of the invitation on top of it, it was ever so slightly askew. I had to alter my course, reduce the size of the backer slightly, then use the Silhouette vs the hand cutter to get a perfectly square cut on each one. Yes, I know it's for a 5yo's BD invitation and who cares, but it was askew! Askew I tell you!

Avery's teacher knows how I like to use my handy-dandy Silhouette, so she assigned me another project. I am to make name tags to go above their coat hooks. They have name tags there, but the pre-made ones that she bought are too long, so she has to stagger them a bit, like bricks. That configuration causes confusion about which hook belongs to which child. So I'm going to make them narrower and change the design a bit. I've decided to do them in the style of London tube stop signs. I'll start on those after I finish the invitations.

family activities
D has been gone a lot lately. He's working a lot, was gone on the NYC trip for quite a while, and we're just generally busy. For family date day on Saturday, we let Avery pick where we'd eat, and she chose Pastini - no surprise there. Then we went to see Wreck-it Ralph. D slept through the first half and I slept through the second half. The movie was actually quite good, so our sleepiness was other factors. D's not sleeping well lately and I binged on candy during the first half, so there was the inevitable sugar crash afterward.

In an effort to squeeze in more family time wherever we can, Avery and I will be meeting D for lunch today. That's good because it'll force me out of the house today. Avery and I have nothing else on our schedule. Tomorrow Avery has three back-to-back activities in the afternoon. Wednesdays are just busy.

activities
I signed Avery up for two back-to-back dance classes starting in January. Dance still continues to be the thing she's most interested in and most enjoys. I'm quite sure she can handle two classes in a row as far as physical stamina and desire to do them. I'm a bit worried about her crankiness level following those two things. I guess you don't know until you try it.

She also loves kung fu. Randomly through out throughout the week, she'll ask, "When's kung fu?" or "What about kung fu?" I still don't think she's put together that the punches they practice in class are meant to land on people. Same thing with kicks. But those things are like 5% of the class. Most of it is focused on learning how to fall and roll, physical agility, things like that.

Several new kids have joined her kung fu class, among them two other girls. Avery and another girl kind of gravitate toward each other, but I can tell Avery now feels totally at ease with all the boys in class. Coincidentally, Nolan's BFF, Gabriel, just joined the class, too. Avery knows him well since he goes to her school. Gabriel's mom told me that whenever Avery is around Gabriel, she's always looking out for him. When he came to join the circle at the beginning of class, Avery loudly introduced him to Sifu Wally. That was sweet, but unnecessary since Sifu Wally teaches Gabriel's two older brothers so he knows him well.

Avery always seems to have a really good time at gymnastics, but it doesn't seem to be something she misses doing if we skip a class. I'm trying to get her (and Henry) enrolled in semi-private swim lessons in January. I guess if that doesn't happen, then we'll do gymnastics again.

Soccer is something she enjoys, but I think only because it's running around in a gym. I don't think skills or the game of soccer appeals all that much to her at this age.

tantrums
We had a major one the other night, but it was mostly my fault. Avery had a ton of activities that day and I knew she was looking for some way to release everything.

Other than that, it continues to go well. I find the tantrums much easier to deal with now that I feel like I have a direction on how to deal with them. Not that things were ever bad between Avery and me, but I feel closer to her. Like the friction is off because I'm not walking on egg shells, and I'm not upset at her for acting illogically.

fawkes

guy fawkes
Tomorrow is our annual Guy Fawkes party for D's office. This will be the last year of hosting at our house since we're already going to be bursting at the seams, depending upon how many people come.

I scheduled the cleaners to come today so the house will be clean for tomorrow night. And RHG just canceled their date night, so I won't have to clean up after the kids tonight - woohoo! Avery will be at the G's house for an overnight tomorrow night during the party. I heart the Gs.

nyc
We're still scheduled to go to NYC. D and I wondered via email a few days ago whether we (Avery and I) should still go, but we haven't had time since them to discuss in person. I lean strongly towards going even if it's not quite as smooth as it would have been had Sandy not hit. I'm assuming, of course, that all power will have been restored by this weekend so things will be fairly on-track by the time we get there late next week.

avery & fits
She's been doing really, really well lately regarding fits. She has been able to get upset within what I'd consider an acceptable range and deal with whatever was upsetting her. Massive improvement. I'm so pleased. One of the moments she had particular trouble dealing with before was when I'd get angry with the way she was speaking to me. I never yelled at her, but even just looking at her with a stern face would make her start crying and moving toward fit mode. This morning, she was able to take a moment then say she was sorry and we moved on. Massive improvement.

halloween
Avery dressed as Merida (from Brave) for her school Halloween parade, but chose to go as Jessie (from Toy Story) for the evening trick-or-treating. I'm not sure why she made that choice. I wasn't really up for trick-or-treating that night, so I asked D to go with her. He went around with Lily & Grace and their parents for 45 minutes or so of trick-or-treating. Avery came home with a perfectly reasonable amount of candy. It's funny because I don't think she even knows that other kids might eat more than one piece of candy that night. She asked to eat one then she asked to go to bed and it was an evening like any other. I stashed away all that candy in the treat drawer and she gets to pick one a day for lunches.

While Avery was totally reasonable and balanced in her consumption of Halloween candy, I was less than stellar. I at least had the good sense to buy mostly Kit Kats as the type for us to give out. Since I can't eat Kit Kats, those are still in plentiful supply. I also bought York Peppermint Patties, which I will eat once in a while, but would never eat more than one and can easily avoid them for months. Unfortunately, I also bought a bag of miniature peanut butter cups. I took the whole bag upstairs before bed and ate about half of it. I left the other half sitting on my nightstand. The next morning, Avery found the peanut butter cups on my nightstand. She said, "Mommy, if you eat all these at once, you'll get a stomach ache. I'll take them downstairs." I said, "Oh, you're right, Avery. Thank you." She was so very grown up about it. Thankfully, not grown up enough to look in the trash can and see what I inhaled the night before. She has always believed us that she'll get a stomach ache if she eats too much candy. I wonder when she'll finally test this theory, or bug us to let her test it. Soon no doubt. (Oh and yes, I did eat the other half yesterday while she was in school.)

avery & sleeping
Since we've returned from England, Avery has been going to sleep early and amazingly fast. We've been laying with her in bed until she falls asleep because we did it the first few nights we were back and it is working great, so why not. She falls asleep within 5 minutes of us saying "time to go to sleep." She's also been asking to go up to bed earlier than we were going up before England. Clearly, I love my daughter's non-resistance of bedtime. More often than not, she's the one who says she's ready for bed.

She's also, for the past couple of months, been coming into our bed in the middle of the night about 50% of the time. I actually rather like it, so I don't feel compelled to do anything about it. She's quiet (usually) when she comes in. Typically brings her blanket so she doesn't get under our blanket and just snuggles in between us. D may have a different version of this story, but for me, it's nice.

refugee family sponsorship
Amber, Christie, Stacey and I are sponsoring a couple of refugee families for Christmas again this year. This year one family is Bhutanese and one is Somalian. All members of both families need winter coats. Several bikes were requested. Then there are various items requested within the household. The list provided is just a wish list and we are in no way obligated to get all things on the list, but I would love to get each item. We'll see what we can do.

mom's back
My mom is back from her visit to Colorado and Wyoming. It's nice to have her home. She came inside for just a bit after I picked her up for the airport (her car was parked here while she was away, and Barkley was here, too). While she was in the bathroom, Avery asked if she could share her Halloween candy with Nain. She gave Nain a Kit Kat (from her stash, not from the stuff we have left) and had a bag of Skittles for herself. It was so grown up the way she shared. Melted my (so non-sentimental) heart.

Support

Parenting support
I thought about the appropriateness of blogging about this since it could be considered private for Avery. However, in the end, I think it's better to share. Sharing almost always seems better to me than not. Also, now that we've been doing it for a while, I realize this is more about me and my parenting than it is about her. I started this post back at the end of August, so it's been a while in coming.

Avery still has meltdowns of epic proportions. Sometimes it's a month or two without them. Sometimes they're once or twice a week. It varies greatly. When I realized that a lot of my frustration with the meltdowns/fits was due to the fact that I had little consistency - and no confidence - in my reaction, I decided to get some help. I also started to think about Avery in 10 years. If she still bundles her emotions to release at one single time, that won't be pretty.

I researched various types of child therapists online. I first tried to find one in-network, but couldn't, so then I went out-of-network (which means none of our sessions will be covered until we reach something like $7k in a year - not going to happen). Anyway, I found one that seemed a good fit for us. My first concern, and only true hesitation, was a worry that Avery would think something was wrong with her. I made an appointment and went in for the first session without Avery. Mariah (our "feelings helper") put my fears to rest. After discussing our situation, we made several appointments for the following weeks.

First off, Avery LOVES going to see Mariah. She was a bit shy during the first 10 minutes of our first session, but since then, she's all over it. It makes sense: it's constant attention that is all about her ... that's a wonderful thing for most kids. Anyway, we did some puppet exercises, talked about feelings, looked at flashcards with various feelings depicted on them, and did some drawing. All of it was very enlightening for me. Even just hearing the language Mariah uses during the puppet-ing portion is useful.

Avery has now gone with me a total of 3 times and I've gone alone twice. And while it pains me to pay out-of-pocket for something that is covered by our insurance were I able to find a provider in-network, it's been worth every penny. As the primary caregiver, I have noticed huge strides. We've been able to avert most major fits, and the ones that have happened have been easier (for me) to handle because I feel like I know what I'm doing is OK. It's really hard to know what to do when your kid is just screaming and screaming, the trigger of which was what is a non-issue 9 times out of 10.

My first lightbulb moment was realizing that Avery is a sensitive child. I said this to D and he was like, "duh." However, I've never thought of her that way because she's so adaptable to new situations, gets on well with others, etc. For me, just having that light turned out was huge.

Another lightbulb moment was when Mariah and I, during our last solo session, realized that Avery's big feelings are not situational. Avery handles all of our travel with ease. She handles changes in schools with ease, changes in teachers, changes in plans, changes in almost everything she handles with ease. For a lot of sensitive kids, changes like this are tough. In the session before vacation, Mariah mentioned something to Avery about sometimes it's tough to be on vacation because you say you want to go home or that you don't want to go back home - something about the changes that come with vacation. It hit me at that moment that Avery has only commented about missing home a handful of times on all of our vacations - and none of those comments were accompanied with moping or crying or sadness - they were a momentary blip on her radar. So, while it's nice to have a daughter who handles situational changes very well, the bad news is that it means her fits are harder to get a handle on. If you know that situation x has a high likelihood of creating a fit, then you can take steps to accomodate that. I don't know when a fit is going to happen. I do know that it's more likely to happen if she's tired or hungry (duh), but again, there's another mysterious component to it than just those things. If that competent is situational, damned if I know what it is. The only thing I know is that fits only happen when she feels safe (i.e. with me or with D and Nain is nearing that honored position).

A third lightbulb moment was that I needed to be reminded that things that we, as adults, all know to be no big deal and minor are sometimes a child's whole world at that moment. Empathy. Mariah didn't say I wasn't being empathetic enough, but I'm a smart enough cookie to put that one together.

The final lightbulb moment was when we discovered that when Avery is having her "big feelings" she wants everyone in the house to feel that way (that's probably when the empathy epiphany came to me). So when she is angry, she wants to make me angry. Clearly, Avery didn't say it like this, but she did state this desire clearly enough. It's awesome to know this. It seems obvious in hindsight, but I could basically type that statement after each paragraph in this post.

What we're doing/trying:

• When she's starting to get upset, we go to the feelings flashcards, which we bought for home use. Avery likes this and it does help calm her down as long as she's not too far into the fit. We sort through the cards and she pulls out the ones she's currently feeling. We talk about those feelings. 
• If Avery reaches a fit stage, Mariah confirmed my conclusion that nothing I do during that fit does any good at all. Avery can't hear me at that point. She has reverted to her primal brain and just needs to get through it. Therefore, me ignoring what she's saying, but just sitting near her being quiet (which was what I started doing a year or so ago when I realized a time out or threats of taking toys away or whatever wouldn't work). It also explains why Avery will say "I want bunny" and then if I give her bunny she says "I don't want bunny!" In that state, she is just not able to reason. 
• We just started this one, but our one use of it was great! An occupational therapist gave Mariah this tip. When Avery starts to have "big feelings" I am supposed to suggest we go to a wall to do a wheelbarrow against the wall (like with her legs pushing against the wall and her arms holding her up). I can help her if she wants/needs it. She is then supposed to take five (or however many) breaths. The theory is that, because this is a challenging physical position that isn't normally done, the brain has to really focus on that activity. It allows the brain to snap out of the loop it's in. At least this is how I understand it. We did this the other day when big feelings came up. Not only did it head off the fit, but Avery said to me, "I want to go talk in the nook." So we both went into her nook and she sat on the chair and articulated her feelings better than she's ever been able to do. That feeling was embarrassed. That's a tough one for Avery, as it is for me, and it is for most people. I'm optimistic about this technique. 

My analysis of all this is still developing. Most of the time in sessions is spent playing with puppets or coloring or talking about "big feelings", so it's between the sessions when I think about my role in all this. I'm still processing it all. I'm processing what I've done wrong in order to start doing it right. I'm quite sure that Mariah, and any other therapist, would redirect my use of the words right and wrong given parenting is not black and white. What is the right thing for me to do with Avery is not necessarily the right thing for another kid. This isn't an entirely new concept for me, but it is new in the sense that I thought more about my goals ("I want to raise a child who is responsible") than how to get there. I'm very much a bull in a china shop kind of person. As a result, I had one path to that goal. Well, that path isn't necessarily right for Avery even if that's the path that seems most logical to me. This makes it seem like I need to make major changes, but the answer so far seems to be that subtle changes are so very key.

I've realized that one of my failings as a parent is not focusing as much on - in consulting speak - soft skills as I should. It's not like I didn't talk at all about this stuff, but I think my mind was geared much more towards fostering independence and responsibility and character. However, those are secondary to learning how to handle emotions, how to release frustration appropriately, how to develop self-awareness, etc.

I am pleased to say that I am not beating myself up about my mistakes or oversights. All of this seems so obvious in hindsight, but when I'm faced with parenting moments that are about emotions and feelings, I find myself tongue tied and caught off guard. Talking about emotions - other than anger, frustration, crankiness, moodiness, depression or annoyance - is not a strike zone for me. I need to develop better language around feelings other than those listed above.

So there it is. I'm so very happy with our progress. I'm also happy to know that this is going to be a slow process, but that the work we do now will hopefully payoff tenfold when she's older. I also like how Avery is brought into this process so we can work as a team together. She loves to help and to teach, so when I share how she's helping and teaching me, it makes a bi impact.

Fit

Successful fit!
Two posts in one day! But only because I forgot to include this in the post earlier today. Current status of Avery's (epic) tantrums: 1-2 per month. She throws minor little fits that I consider to be normal 4yo behavior more frequently than that, of course.

So yesterday we went to Nolan's BD party. It was a slip and slide / water toy party in the G's backyard. One of the better 3yo BD parties I've been to - it hit the perfect note. Anyway, I brought a big frisbee for the kids to play with. Avery and I started playing with it right before we needed to leave. Then some of the other kids joined it. When it came time for us to leave, I made a key mistake of ASKING Avery if she thought we should leave it behind for the other kids to play with. This was a mistake because I never had any intent otherwise. It just came out as a question. I quickly told her I made a mistake and that it wasn't a choice and we were leaving it. She threw herself on the ground and proceeded to cry. I quickly scooped her up, mostly because we needed to get out of there. When I did that, Avery started to scream, "I'm ANGRY! I don't want to leave the toy! I want to play with it at home! I WILL play with it at home!" RHG mentioned via text that she was wondering if this would be the start of one of Avery's epic tantrums. She's never been witness to one, so she doesn't know what to look for. At that point, I was pretty sure we were trending into non-epic territory because 1. Avery let me touch her when I picked her up and 2. she was able to express that she was angry and why she was angry.

In any case, we get in the car and Avery's still pitching a pretty big fit. Screaming at the top of her lungs, very angry with me: "You broke my opportunity to play with the toy tonight!" (interesting choice of words, but I do use the word opportunity a lot with her, so I guess it makes sense). At this point, D said to her that it was over. We weren't going back for the toy so she'd better figure out a way to make herself feel better or she was just going to waste time crying. She said, "Cuddly toy." Luckily we had a doll on the floor of my always-pristine (ha!) sweet ride. Mom handed that to her and she squeezed the stuffing out of that thing ... and then she stopped crying. Woohoo! Self-soothing. The tantrum ended here. She shifted back to her sweet self by the end of the ride home.

We get home. Avery and I head upstairs to change - me for the Timbers game, her into footie jammies so she can watch a movie with Nain. Now she really turned into a sweetheart making my heart just melt and melt more. As D and I are about to leave, she calls us back over to the couch and says, "I'm sorry I threw a big fit earlier." Be still my already melted heart. That's pretty much all it takes to win me over. My daughter offering an unsolicited, non-suggested apology.

I have absolutely no expectation that this is the end of her epic fits. But it gives me more confidence that she's learning how to soothe herself when she gets angry/frustrated/upset.

Tuesday

Tantrum

I thought the tantrum days were behind us. At least the really big tantrums. I was wrong. Avery was so difficult yesterday. I supposed compared with the height of her tantrums, it was nothing. However, I'm not used to her being like this, so it took the wind out of me. She was difficult in the morning, pouting and throwing mini-fits when I said no to several things. She was fairly good, but still a bit sensitive, while we were at Christie's decorating cookies and playing in the park. Then we got in the car to go home. I realized we needed dinner ingredients, so we stopped at the New Seasons in Sellwood. I had her wait in the car with Mom. She cried and wailed the entire time I was in the store, then on the whole ride home, then for about 15 minutes when we got home. When she finally calmed down enough to be able to talk, she and I talked about it for a bit, then we both fell asleep for at least 2 hours (probably more - I don't remember when we actually fell asleep). 

The good news is that she seems herself today. Hopefully yesterday was belated punishment for me being gone so much in March, rather than the start of a new phase for her. 

Parking, Garage and the Movers

The movers are arriving today with Mom's stuff.  We have the garage all ready with spaces marked for ideal locations. Ideal means that D will be able to continue to park his car in the garage with the stuff. I don't think that's going to happen. Mom has more stuff than I estimated (which, in fairness to Mom, she told me repeatedly that she had a lot of stuff and I dismissed it), so I believe it'll take up two of the three parking spaces in our garage. D graciously offered to park his car outside so I could have the inside spot.  That is so nice because it's much easier to get Avery loaded into the car in the morning when I can just open the garage door and tell her to get herself buckled into her car seat. Plus, I make a lot of trips in and out of the house every time I leave the house. I'd have to be a lot more organized without the convenience of parking in the garage. 

Mom and I have a plan as to what is going where in the house and garage. Most of her stuff is being stored in the garage, but there are a few things that'll go into her quarters and out on her deck (i.e. the cement patio outside her door). 

Avery is here the whole time because I didn't make an effort to find alternative plans for her today. I figure the worst case scenario is that I have her watch a lot of TV/movies. She's typically good at staying out of the way, but we'll see how that goes. 

Mom Living Here

We received various reactions from people when we mentioned Mom would be living with us for a while before she moves into her own place. Most people thought it was great. Some people thought we were crazy. One thought D specifically was crazy: "You're OK with your mother-in-law living with you?!"  Yep, he's just fine with it. Truth be told, I've been more worried about Mom's ability to handle living with me than the opposite. 

My biggest challenge is getting used to having a dog in the house again. The only adjustment, really, is that he's a dog and he comes with dirt, but I knew that would be the case. I just have to re-adjust to that reality. Barkley, despite being a huge dog, is pretty easy to have around. And he's good with Avery. And he's is not needy. Oh how I love a not-needy dog. 

I think Mom's biggest challenge has got to be trying to learn to read my moods (D said, "How can you NOT read them?!") I acknowledge that I am not easy to live with (hats off to D for putting up with me). Mom said she has learned I don't like questions during dinner time preparation. That is true. I do not enjoy dinner preparation or cooking, so I'm not relaxed during that time.

Anyway, status = so far, so good!

Charting

Chart for Nolan

I did Nolan's potty chart today. Later, I'm going to start a new chart for Avery to be used as a single place for her to earn tokens for staying in bed all night and for doing various chores around the house. It'll replace her currently system where she earns tickets.  It's the same concept, just a single chart.  Plus, she's always a bit jealous when I make charts for other kids, so I decided I should make one for her too. 

If anyone else would like me to make reward/motivational charts for you, just let me know. I'm happy to do so for the cost of the supplies. 

Date Night

D and I went to see Take Shelter last night. If you want to see a movie that makes you feel jittery, one that shows what it must feel like to go crazy, this is the movie for you. The very last scene made me mad, but the movie definitely achieved the crazy goal. Intensely watchable. We tried to go see Margin Call as a second movie, but it was sold out since it's only showing at one theater in the area and that theater is teeny tiny.  Instead of going to see another movie, we decided to head home and catch up on some boob tube.  Avery spent the night at the G's house, so we just ordered in pizza (gluten free for me) and had ourselves a nice lazy night. 

Composting

The food scrap compositing program for Portland has finally started. I'm ridiculously enthused about it. I've always wanted to compost, but I don't want anything to do with the actual compost pile. The biggest change in my recycling and trash system is that I've just found out that facial tissues can be composted (thanks to Amber for having a SIL in charge of the program). I use a lot of tissues because my nose is always running. This means I need a lot of places around the house to deposit tissues that will eventually make their way into the compost bin. 

With this new system, I have also realized that we need to switch the bins we use in our kitchen trashcan.  We have so little trash, that the bigger bin needs to be used for recycling and the smaller one used for trash. I've been waiting for our trash bag to fill up all week to make the switch and it hasn't yet filled up, so our trash has definitely gone down quite a bit. Of course, since I recycle plastic bags and rigid plastics that aren't taken by the curbside program, we had relatively little trash to begin with. 

Fits

Avery just had one of her 30 minute crying fits. This one started because I said she couldn't have a sippy cup of milk with lunch. She can have a glass of milk, but not a sippy cup. If I let her have sippy cups anytime other than quiet time and night time, then she just sucks down near ½ gallon of milk a day and her food intake plummets. So, as always, I said no. This started the meltdown, though I maintain that when these meltdowns happen, it's only about the triggering incident for about 3 minutes, then it just becomes a fit for the sake of a fit.

I'm not sure what I have documented here and what I have not, and I don't feel like checking, so this may be a recap. After discussing this issue a few months back with some mom-friends (namely Amber and Stacey), I have been trying a new approach with these fits. Avery's not had many of these fits in the past few months. This is maybe the third one.  Something like that.  In any case, my approach is now that I try the time out (which never works with these types of fits, but I try them nonetheless, just in case this isn't this type of fit). After that, I explain to Avery that I won't talk with her or pick her up or be around her when she's speaking to me disrespectfully. This is where my patience has to kick in because she will cry for another 20 minutes or so. During this time she says she is injured (yes, she uses the word "injured"); she says she wants to tell me something important; she says she wants "please uppy please"; she says I hurt her feelings; she says that she wants daddy.  She just alternates between what she's screaming.  Eventually, as with the fit today, she walks to me. Even though she's still crying at that point, I know it'll stop when we talk about it and cuddle. It's so hard for me to sit through this since *I'm* ready to cuddle and talk it out on minute 3. If I even try to approach her on minute 3, there's no talking to her or cuddling with her or trying to reason. She just kicks her screaming up a notch or ups the list of her demands.  There's something about forcing her to come to me for us to talk it through that allows her to snap out of it and return the to the sweet, reasonable child she is 95% of the time. 

I feel confident that letting her scream it out, then forcing her to come to me is the right thing to do, at least at this point in time.  This is in comparison me going back to her every 3 minutes to repeat that I will cuddle with her/do whatever as soon as she stops screaming.  It just feels like she's making emotional progress when she has to come to me versus me taking the initiative when I see the switch has flipped back to a point where she can hear me talking and respond. 

While I feel like this approach is better, I'm not sure it's lessening the duration of the fits any.  They still go on for 30-45 minutes. They are a fairly rare occurrence, so that's good. And there are certain factors that are typically present in order for her to be triggered: it's typically when she's tired and/or hungry and/or way overstimulated. 

These are the moments that I find hardest in parenting. When I go an approach that feels right, but the outcome of my choice isn't immediately obvious. Is it working? Is it the right thing to do? And now I get why, when asked if parenting gets easier or harder as kids get older, the response is often, "Easier in some ways, harder in others." 

SSP1

Solo Sewing Project #1 - Knitting Needle Case

My first official solo sewing project is a case for RHG's knitting needles.  Since we don't have a true pattern to follow, it's going to be a bit challenging.  Last night, during our second craft night*, RHG and I went through the instructions for sewing the case, then made modifications to measurements to achieve RHG's specifications.  This morning I recut all the pieces, using a paper bag, and then assembled them to ensure we have everything correct.  It's good I did since one of the measurements was off. 

This afternoon, I hope to hit the fabric store to buy interior fabric for the case and pick up a few other items for it.

Fabric for the exterior of the case and the inside as laid out with paper bag cut outs

* We started a monthly craft night wherein no member has to do the same craft, or ANY craft. Last night, Stacey made cheese - from scratch; Amber sewed; Christie created cards; I did aimless things until RHG showed up and then we worked on the pattern for the knitting needle case together.

Portrait of a pre-meltdown

At one point during Friday's playdate with E & N, Avery went into pre-meltdown mode.  She fortunately never reached meltdown.  However, in her pre-meltdown tantrum, she ended up laying on the floor just saying, "Leave me alone!" and crying.  So, of course, I took a picture of that.

Easter Dress

And some pictures of Avery in her Easter dress. Of course, my photography does not capture how truly adorable this dress if, but you get the gist.  I clearly don't have the ability to choose the single best picture, so you get four.

Great

A2D3 (elimination diet attempt 2, day 3)

The day is off to a good start.  I'm still tired when I first wake up and am still in bed; however, the difference once I'm actually out of bed is dramatic.  I'm actually awake.  I had a lot of energy yesterday.  It only waned when Avery threw a fit when I wouldn't carry her from the car to the house.  Even then, energy rebounded once the situation was over. 

This is way different than last time.  Last time I didn't notice much of a difference at all.  This time, big difference.  I think it might have something to do with the sea vegetable (hijiki).  Andrea also has me eating a lot of different grains.  Quinoa was one she recommended in particular.  I like quinoa, but the batch I made this last time was bland.  I discovered that if I mix half (bland) quinoa and half brown rice, it's very tasty. 

I know I need to focus on eating more vegetables.  Fruit is taken care of, but I need more vegetables.  I really liked the hijiki salad, which had hijiki, leeks, and celery (plus a sauce).  I doubted I would like it since I don't typically like celery in things, but damn, I wish I had more!

The other difference from last time is that I honestly don't want any of the restricted foods.  I'm not sure why that would be so, but there you go.

Finally, another benefit of the diet thus far is that I'm way better at eating leftovers.  I guess because I have a limited number of things I can eat, so I have to eat them?  I'm not sure.  But it definitely feels good not to waste so much food. 

Go-to-sleep magic

Last night, Avery just wouldn't go to sleep.  Neither D nor I were in the mood to put up with it.  I decided drastic measures were needed.  I marched up there, sat down, and laid down the law: from now on, she has to earn her morning ½ hour TV show.  The way she earns it is by going to bed either in her room or on the floor in the hallway.  She must do so without a fuss.  She must do so without playing with toys and books.  I said this started as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs.  Result: total and complete silence when I got to the bottom of the stairs; asleep within 5 minutes.  Who said TV is a bad thing? 

I've decided that I'm going to experiment with TV cards that Avery can earn by doing additional things around the house.  We have a bare minimum of things she's expected to do (tidy up her room when asked, be polite, do things she's capable of doing and doing them by herself, etc).

The battle of "You do it!"

Currently, Avery is going through what I hope is a very short lived phase of, "No, you do it!"  We ask her, "Avery, please get dressed."  She says, "No, I don't want to.  You do it!"  She's more than able to get dressed all by herself.  Very few items of clothing require help from us.  Yet, as I type this, she crying, "I don't want to do my t-shirt!"  She wants D to put it on for her. 

She has also implemented the approach of screaming for the other parent when in a battle with one of us.  Nice.

Leaking

Post written on Wednesday, November 17th

SBR: D's office

After spending thousands on mold remediation, then more on getting the wall and subfloor fixed in D's office, the guy measuring for carpet just noticed that the door is leaking ... which is what the fucking contractor was supposed to FIX!  I'm so angry right now.  Nothing makes me angrier than shoddy work.  I was so patient with the guy doing the work.  I didn't get all bent out of shape that it took 1.5 months to do about 10 hours worth of work.  Now I just want to scream.  The only thing saving my sanity right now is that I still haven't paid a cent for this work.  If I'm remembering right, I was supposed to give the subcontractor doing the work a check for half the amount at the start of the project.  He never asked for it and I forgot about it for quite some time.  I figured I'd eventually receive an invoice in the mail, but I'm certainly not going to chase them down to give them money.  I might have done this earlier in my life, but not now.  If you run a business and can't even be bothered to ensure you've received payment, you deserve to not be paid. And you certainly don't deserve to be paid when the door is letting water through after just a few weeks of being done.  Update on Thursday: they're coming to take a look and fix the issue this afternoon.

Along a similar line, now that we made the last payment for the work done for exterior, that company hasn't followed through on the final items on the punch list they were supposed to do on Monday.  And they haven't responded to my email inquiry about it.  I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt since this is the first time they've been so unresponsive since the work shifted to their part of the company. 

All good things must come to an end

The angelic period ended with a thud this morning when Avery threw a fit because we didn't have dance class today.  We had art class.  She just couldn't understand why I wouldn't take her to dance class, as if I have the power to make classes happen any old time of the day or week.

Now she's whining up a storm, but this is mostly my fault because when I get angry about things like the unfixed leaking door, I tend to try to escape the situation by sitting at my computer and, oh, say, blog about it.

Added Thursday the 18th: and the trend of difficulty continued later in the day.  Sigh.  Oh well, hopefully we'll have more and more periods of angelic behavior and fewer of the difficult ones.

Tattling

Yesterday ...

... was just awful.  One of the hardest days I've had in a very long time.  By the time D made it home about 5:50, I was in bed and letting Avery smear my face with Vaseline while watching Dora.  Why?  Because the day was just that bad and I just needed to make it until D came home.

The day started off not great when I let Avery watch TV while I got my hair highlighted (she comes to my house to do it).  That set the tone off bad because when I let her watch more than ½ hour of TV in the mornings, it's all down hill from there.  Then add to the fact that I didn't go to sleep until 2 AM the night before and you have my exhaustion added in.  Not good. 

It took me 1.5 hours to get Avery's eye patch off because she kept running and hiding.  No amount of bribing worked.  Ultimately, I had to forcibly remove it.  Not fun for either of us.  I think the barrage of bribes coming at her also confused her because she was then demanding everything after that.

We then headed to the mall to get her prescription sunglasses.  That was totally miserable in a number of ways, culminating in her folding herself in half in the store as they were trying to fit the sunglasses to her face.  She wouldn't let them take the sunglasses off one more time, so I just called it good enough and we left the store.  I totally lost it in the car when she then asked to watch Word Girl on my phone.  I said no (of course) and then she cried until we got home and then some more when we got home.

None of this sounds all that bad in my descriptions, but it was all just terrible.  D came home and I sent them out to dinner without me and went to sleep.  Of course, I'm pretty sure she was totally sweet for D at dinner.  Sometimes being the primary caregiver sucks and this was one of those times. 

Voice

To make things even worse, I had to use my voice during the 1.5 hours of failed negotiations with Avery.  My voice is still very raspy and hoarse.  It's there, but it's not normal.  I'm so very, very frustrated.  I don't know if it's ever going to get back to normal.  I'm depressed to think this may be my new normal.  Three days of a lot of quietness didn't bring it back.  I wake up and I can still feel that my voice is still hoarse and deep.

Mexico

Today will be devoted to packing for Mexico.  Avery's at school today since I had some make up days to use.  It was a stroke of genius to schedule her for school the day before we leave.  I would be going bonkers right now without that. 

Telling vs. Tattling

I've always had trouble reconciling that children are told not to tattle, but then chided for not stepping in when another child is being hurt by one (e.g. bullying).  My problem is that I have never thought about the difference between telling and tattling. This article, Bullying: The advice you got is wrong. Here's what really works, articulates the difference between the two:

The ever popular "don't be a tattletale" has sent another harmful message. When we stand by and watch others being hurt, and do nothing, that's somehow deemed a good decision. Instead, we need to repeatedly teach our children the difference between telling and tattling.

Tattling is meant to make someone else look bad; there's not a victim involved. Telling, or reporting, is done in the service of others; it's meant to help someone. It's a heroic thing to stand up for someone who's being hurt, and we need to treat it as such - at home and at school.

This finally makes sense to me!  And I'm happy to have read it when Avery is still young.  It will really help in dealing with Avery and Elise interaction. 

Doozy

Friday was a doozy

A long, exhausting day.  We started off the day by heading to Little Gym.  Avery was just not herself at all.  She was for a bit, but then she started to cry whenever any kid bumped her, didn't want to participate in the activities and was just generally very un-Avery-like.  Henry was a bit out of sorts, too, so Christie and decided we couldn't very well go home and deal with the situations solo.  Solution: food carts and the park.

We hit BBQ Fusion (excellent!) and then went to the park blocks to eat and play.  Following that, we decided to head to CdT (that would be here) to continue our playdate.

Avery immediately wanted to put on princess dresses and Henry obliged.  I don't care what you say, even with hair most girls would kill for and no issue wearing princess garb, that boy is all boy.  It's fascinating to watch them play.  Avery is all about the performing and the twirling and getting the attention of adults; Henry is all about running, noise making, running, playing with cars, running, playing with balls, running, and running.

We played outside with the tube and cars and blocks; we did crafts at the kitchen table when it started to rain; and finally, I yelled uncle and put on Monsters Inc for the kids while Christie ran to the local diner to get us (mostly me) milkshakes.

Immediately following Henry's departure, Elise arrived for the Gs date night (Nolan stayed home with Jay because their date night was unusual in that it wasn't really a date night).  I made Elise and Avery a tent in Avery's room.  They spent much of the time before dinner in there.  Right before dinner, Avery had a complete meltdown.  Elise saw the opportunity to be a golden child and turned on the charm while Avery was kicking and screaming on the floor.  Elise: "This is delicious!" as she downs the dinner.   So cute.

It was clear Avery's tantrum was a meltdown and (in my opinion) beyond her control.  She was so tired and I think feeling a bit under the weather.  D and I divided and conquered.  He took Elise upstairs to play; I waited out Avery's meltdown until the blessed words came: "I want some milk!"  That is now the signal that she's capable of calming down.  I was able to pick her up and she proceeded to eat her dinner and drink milk and return to my lovable Avery.

We read a book (I couldn't handle more than one I was so tired), then both girls were asleep by 7:30 with no issues at all.  That means Avery earned her second sleeping reward: a pretty purple dress.

House Progress

The arbor and most corbels are up on the house. The remaining corbel goes in the eave that they'll need a 40' ladder to reach, so it'll have to wait until Monday to go up. I'm hoping the garage doors go up next week.  I think those and staining the deck darker will make a huge difference.  The deck will be stained the same color as the corbels.

The corbels are the items in the eaves. I don't know why you can't click on the picture to embiggen, but they're there.

There will be lights at each spot with the wires.  The two trees (one on each side of the new sidewalk) will have two spotlights on them each. Not shown: we also have lights lining the other side of our driveway.

We have two large holes dug in the front for the trees; the lights are ready to be wired.  I think a lot of the landscaping work should start next week.

Voice

My voice is still hoarse, but it's getting better.  I can at least talk, though I'm trying to limit myself until it's fully better.  I find myself marveling at the loudness and clarity of the teachers' voices in the various classes Avery is taking right now.  I've never before marveled at such a thing.  It's a good reminder not to take things for granted.  

Silly Me

When Avery and I were at Little Gym on Friday, I realized that I follow the teacher's instructions with such vigor it's as if I'm waiting for praise, too: "You know where your feet are Megan!  Very good!"

Glasses

Avery now wears glasses

We went into the eye doctor (an MD doctor, not just a person who fits people for glasses) for Avery yesterday morning.  After examining her and dilating her eyes to be sure, the doctor said she is farsighted.  This fact is what is causing her eye to turn inward.  I typed an explanation on Facebook as to why glasses should fix the problem, so I'll just cut and paste that here to avoid duplicate effort:

It should. If it doesn't, the next step is putting a patch over the stronger eye to force the muscles of the weaker eye to gain strength. The step after that is surgery. I got the impression from the doctor that eyeglasses will probably fix Avery's issue since we caught it early.

Basically, Avery is farsighted. However, farsighted for a child is different than for an adult because a child's eye muscles are still developing. I am not entirely sure, but it seems logical that for an adult whose eye sight was 20/20 as a kid, their muscles developed normally, so the result of farsightedness is only blurriness (as opposed to an eye curving inwards). Since a child's muscles are not fully developed, the strong eye focuses on the object while the brain turns off/reduces its use of the weaker eye causing the muscles to never fully develop.

Wearing eye glasses puts everything into focus so the weaker eye doesn't need to turn inward. Therefore, as the muscles develop, they develop normally. That's how I understand it.

Also, children can apparently outgrow farsightedness. This is a long term thing in terms of wearing the glasses, so she may need to wear them until she's around 8 or 9, but it's possible that at that age, she'll no longer need them and will have perfect vision again.

Note: This is all the way I understood it from the way the doctor described it. It's entirely possible I've misunderstood something or connected some dots wrong, so don't take this all as fact.

Taken with my phone, so not the best quality, but doesn't she look cute!

When they put the glasses on her, I was shocked at the thickness of the lenses.  It's not so much that the glasses look thick as much as that you can tell it's a strong prescription.  Basically, I don't get why there weren't other signs that her eyesight was that bad.  The only sign was that the inward turning eye.  She rarely trips, she seemed to be able to see things far and near, nothing.  Anyway, they look very cute on her, though I wish they'd had some more tasteful frames.  I must remember that it's not about me - she picked the ones she liked.  I love the shape she chose and I'm thinking well get another pair in just a silver frame of the same style (you can order those online, but they didn't have them in the store).  Those can be her backup glasses.  D and I figure they're going to get lost or broken at some point, so better to just have two pairs.

So far, she's not resisting wearing them.  The doctor said that kids often take to them right away because it feels better to wear them.  While she's not sensitive about them, those who see her, please make a big deal of how cool her glasses are. We want to make sure she wants to wear them since she's supposed to wear them all the time she's awaking. 

Tantrums & Poop

Mom is leaving today.  Thank goodness she was here yesterday.  I don't want to type out the whole thing, but Avery was just a handful yesterday.  The whining, the crying, the tantrums.  It's been so long since we've had a major tantrum (thank goodness they're rare vs. regular now) that I was utterly exhausted after it.

Making things worse is that it's as if Eddie's bowel is programmed to expel its contents whenever things are hectic and my stress level is already high.  We've had no fewer than four poop accidents in the house in the last 24 hours.  Part of it is his incontinence, but part is also that he's refusing to go in the dog run, which is hilarious to me since about 50% of the time that is where he pooped BEFORE there was a fence there.  

Dog Run

It's in, it's OK looking, it's a bit crooked.  I think he mismeasured slightly, not taking into account the space the lever would take up.  As a result, it's not perfect and that, of course, is difficult for me.  I don't know that I want to pay more money to get it perfect (more money because I think the only option would be to reorder a gate that is maybe ½" shorter in length - I think I could legitimately tell him the time it takes to reinstall it needs to be free). 

Happenings

1600 Happenings

My last post was my 1600th.  I sure can go on and on and on and ...

General Happenings

Let's see, quick updates on happenings.  Monday, Avery went to school, I took Mom to the airport, kept the house tidy, read, played Lexulous, and cooked dinner.  Tuesday, Avery went to school, I took a nap, met some friends for lunch, read, kept the house tidy, cooked dinner, and was asleep by 8:30 pm.  Yep, I lead an exciting life.

I haven't decided what Avery and I will be doing today.   For the moment, I've built a fort in the living room, brought her some stuffed animals, and suggested that she could make tickets for them to enter the fort.  This is currently working a strategy to encourage independent playtime.  We'll see how long it lasts.

House Happenings

The deck out front is complete except for the railings.  There was a miscommunication between our GC and the guy building the deck who was unaware that there were to be any railings.  I hope all the contractors are as nice and friendly as the guy who did the deck.  He not only seemed very competent, but was friendly without being annoying and made me feel completely at ease.  I'm not sure what step is next for our house, but I think the crane will be arriving soon to put up the shingles on the front of the house.

Our GC is also coming over tonight to discuss plants and trees for landscaping.  So the project is fully underway after getting off to a slow start due to his sickness, and then due to our indecision on house color. 

Avery Happenings

I feel like her communication skills have taken another leap forward in the past few weeks.  She was able to tell me several things she did at school on our way home yesterday.  Previously, she'd maybe tell us one thing or two things.  She also had what I would call a real phone conversation with my dad the other day.  Granted it was about random things like how she was missing one of her toys and how she was holding a dinosaur, which she correctly (and on her own) identified as a brachiosaurus, but was still more of a conversation than she usually has when talking to someone on the phone.

She is still using the word "because" a lot.  She says things like, "We no go tricycling because it's raining."  Or, "I wear sunblock because it's sunny."

Another change is that she's started to tell little lies.  Mostly they involve telling us that the other parent (or Nain) said she doesn't have to do something (e.g. put on underwear or go potty).

Avery's tantrums are fewer now, though when she has them, she really has them.  Right now, my analysis is that it's always us telling her no to something that sets her off, but that's really just a cover.  I think she's just feeling frustration at that point in time and uses the tantrum as her outlet to get those feelings out.  A lot of articles on tantrums will tell you to reflect the child's feeling back, "It looks like you're frustrated/sad/whatever.  Are you feeling frustrated?"  I know that has worked for a lot of friends.  This does not work for Avery.  It just makes her more mad.  Timeouts also do not work when she's needing a full blown tantrum.  Time outs work a lot of the time, but that is because she's not needing an outlet so extreme most of the time. The best thing, as my Mom learned too, is to be silent and not touch Avery.  Just let her work through it on her own.  This is tough to do because it takes a long time and a lot of patience, but after trying a multitude of things, it's my feeling that this it the best way to handle Avery's tantrums.  I know enough about kids by now to know that it may not be the way to handle other kids' tantrums, or even that it might not be how to handle her tantrums x number of months from now.  I can also predict with pretty good accuracy when she's looking for the opportunity to have a tantrum.  So with a little maneuvering of not giving in, but not outright saying no, we can sometimes avoid it.  To be clear, I say no to her a lot, so it's not the saying of "no" that automatically causes it.  It's saying "no" when she's apparently needing that outlet. 

Dog Happenings

Eddie is slowly losing control of his ability to hold his bowels.  He's had several accidents in the house where he just can't make it outside in time.  Some have happened even when he's been let out recently, so it's not always a matter of being inside for too long.  I'm not sure anything can be done other than to clean it up.  Does anyone know if there is medication to help with this?  I don't feel like going to the vet and paying $500 for them to tell me my dog is old.  

Dichotomy

Medication

I had my visit with the PMHNP on Friday. It wasn't nearly as bad as the thought of it.  So now I'm newly medicated.  Here's to this round's worst anxiety symptom (constant jaw clenching going on about 2 months now) stopping so my teeth can stop aching.  Stupid anxiety.  Stupid depression.  Stupid chemical imbalance.  The only side effect from the medication so far is the one I always get: the urge to throw up when I yawn. 

Shooting

So that police shooting that happened a few days ago happened just outside the apartment building D and I lived in when we first moved to Portland.  I don't watch local news, but I played the video some woman took of the shooting and noticed it looked really familiar, so I looked up the address.  I'm more fascinated that I recognized the location from a grainy video than that it happened near where we lived.

Weekend Goings On

Mom landed here on Saturday.  We've been going non-stop since she got here.  On Saturday, we came home, then headed out shortly after that for our date night.  We dropped Avery off at the G's, then headed to Wildwood for dinner, then to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo at a theater on NW 21st.  I expected the theater to be uncomfortable since it's one of those single screen older theaters, but it was just fine.  The movie was also very good. 

Today, we walked the dogs this morning, then Mom and I headed out to lunch at Native Bowl.  Following a quick stop at Flavourspot Waffles for a dessert waffle, we went to get Mom's haircut by the guy who cuts mine.  I think the new style is really cute, though she might need to get the front trimmed a bit more for her tastes.  We'll see how it comes out tomorrow.

This afternoon, we went to Elise's 3rd birthday party, which was a smashing success with tricycling, scootering, bubbles, and a playground.  Getting there, however, was not so easy.  See next topic.

The Avery Dichotomy

Avery seems to have two modes: stellar and awful.  To provide some balance, I'm going to note her two modes from this weekend. Here's the email RHG sent me on Saturday night regarding Avery's behavior that evening:

Avery was stellar tonight.  Sat and ate very nicely (when all the other kids were tearing around the house screaming), played nicely with everyone, said thank you at the right times, etc.  You would have been so proud.  All the parents were amazed she's only 2.5yo and said she's very mature for her age.

My rules to them tonight were: no kicking, no screaming, no jumping.  As soon as I left the room Elise started to kick and Avery said "hey Friend Elise, no kicking."  :)

Now that you know we have such a stellar and wonderful daughter, I shall go on to describe this afternoon.  D told Avery no to a cookie.  1.5 hours later, we finally managed to get some shorts on the girl and go to Elise's BD party.  She had what I think must be the longest and most massive fit to date.  The cookie set her off, but I know this situation well enough by now that it could have been anything.  I really can't do the tantrum justice in describing it.  It was just that massive.  I have tried all sorts of methods of trying to snap her out of the tantrum, but the one that I'm employing at the moment is sitting with her in the room while she has the tantrum, not saying anything, not moving, and just letting her go to town.  When it seems like she's winding down, then I attempt to engage her with a question.  If she answers it, showing her mind has switched back to its usual mode, then I know we're on our way to wrapping that sucker up.  If she screams, "No!" then I know we're getting ready for another cycle.  In these situations, she most definitely does not like to be touched.  She also doesn't like for me to talk or move around. Those offenses result in penalization of another 15 minutes of tantrum.

One of the more interesting things to come out of this particular tantrum was my observation of what she does when she's asking for something, then decides she doesn't want it.  Once in full-on tantrum mode, she'll start screaming she wants something or someone: "I want my ducky towel! I want my ducky towel! I want my ducky towel!"  This scream is yelled at the top of her lungs, veins in her neck bulging, face turning red, limbs completely taut, and legs kicking the floor.  For the record, it makes no difference to the tantrum if I get her what she's asking for.  After asking for said item for 2-3 minutes, she will then start saying, "I don't want my ducky towel! I don't want my ducky towel!"  Again, this is all at the top of her lungs and is irrelevant as to whether she's given the item she's been requesting.  Here's the interesting part: when she's yelling she DOESN'T want something, she folds herself in half, then scoots backwards.  If she is yelling she DOES want something, then she kicks in a motion as it going forward.  She did this with about ten different things and it was the same pattern with each item.

So, yeah, there you have it. 

Updates

Pain

The other night, I woke from a horrible dream.  It was about a serial killer who was after me and my family and there were lots of knives involved. When I woke up, I was in physical pain for about five minutes.  Just moving hurt.  It was like my skin was very, very irritated and touching it was very painful.  I wonder if maybe I had so much adrenaline running through me that I felt a physical response from it?  Anyway, I tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't stop thinking about Avery. Finally, I got up, woke my sleeping daughter, and brought her into bed with us so I could get back to sleep.  Usually I'm trying to keep her out of our bed so I can get a good night's sleep!

Playdate

This morning, Avery and I had a playdate with our neighbors up the street.  They have a ton of toys, so Avery definitely had a great time.  After hanging close to her for about 30 minutes or so while she adjusted to a new house, I went over to the window to scope out the view.  When I turned around a mere 30 seconds later, Avery had removed her pants.  It was because she was preparing to go potty (on the toilet).  It took another 30 minutes or so to coax her pants back on.  We make a good impression, she and I.

I found out that Lily, who is the exact same age as Avery, will be going to Avery's school on the same two days Avery goes.  That will be very nice for Avery since it seems most of the kids in her class are boys.  Now that her school-BFF, Ali, doesn't go anymore (her mom had another baby, so Ali's home for a few months), the few girls who are in class are way less verbal than Avery, so she doesn't seem to connect with them.

Following the playdate, we headed to New Seasons for lunch and shopping.  On the way home, Avery fell asleep in the car seat, so now I'm just waiting for her to wake up before deciding on our activity for the rest of the day.  

Avery's Sleep (more for documentation purposes than informing my vast readership)

I think going to school has actually improved Avery's napping.  Other than a few bumps here and there, we've been really, really fortunate with her napping.  Unlike before bed, she rarely gets out of her bed once I place her in it for a nap.  Before bed, she probably gets up 4-5 times to ask for a tissue, or ask to go potty (even though she's already gone), or to ask to put the blanket back on her which is only required because she got out of bed in the first place.  But for naps, she's been cake for the past several months and for that I'm so very, very, very grateful.  I so hope that doesn't change any time soon.

Bedtime routine is somewhat inconsistent.  Most nights are easy in terms of her getting to sleep, though she's been pushing the boundaries of having the door open when she goes to sleep.  I think we're near a crack down on that behavior.  Last night, I told her if she got out of bed even once, then I would have to shut the door.  She stayed in bed, but then kept calling me for one thing or another.  Finally, she asked me to put the blanket on her.  I yelled up that if I had to come do that (again), I'd have to close the door, did she still want me to come up?  She said yes.  I walked into her room and she said, "I stayed in bed!"  I had to explain that, yes, she did stay in bed, but that I warned her that me coming upstairs yet again would result in the door closing.  So I closed the door.  She cried for maybe 5 or 10 minutes, then fell asleep on the floor.  I went into her room to move her into her bed before I went to bed.  When I picked her up, she said, "One, two, three!" right when I picked her up.  She had three bibs on the floor next to her, so maybe she fell asleep counting her bibs?  Who knows.  She went back to sleep immediately when I put her into bed.  Even when the door is left open, she falls asleep on the floor a lot. We'll see how tonight goes with another strict stay-in-bed instruction. 

In terms of Avery staying in bed, we're good until about 5 AM on most nights (maybe 80%?).  The other 20% of nights when she wakes during the night, she comes into our room and asks to come into bed with us.  At that point, I'm usually coherent enough to tell her to go back to her bed.  She does that about 50% of the time; the other 50% she cries for about 10 seconds, they lays down on the floor next to our bed.  Notice I said usually. Sometimes when she arrives in our room in the middle of the night, I apparently pull her into bed, but have no recollection of this.  I'll ask D what happened and he says that she came in and he told her no, so she runs to my side of the bed and I pull her into bed.  The last time this happened, he said he thought he was being overruled (by me), so he didn't stop it (a good man knows that when a woman overrules him, it's best to keep his mouth shut - especially if the woman overruling him is me and it's the middle of the night - you don't mess with a sleepy Megan).  I find it weird to think I'm asleep when I do something like that.

So, for those nights when Avery wakes in the middle of the night, I'm going to try something I read on someone else's blog (Snick, if you're reading, I think it was yours).  I'm going to buy a nightlight that is set to a timer.  I'll have it lit from bedtime through 5 AM (maybe 6 AM) and tell Avery that she has to stay in bed when it's lit.  If it's not lit, then she can come into our room.  We'll see if that works.

I do want to note, for Future Megan to be reminded of, that even though what I described above is the norm at the moment, Avery does occasionally throw a massive fit in the middle of the night. Like last night, for instance. In my confusion, I told her no to coming into our bed even though it was within our acceptable time limits (i.e. after 5 AM). This sent her into a massive fit where she then wanted to come into our bed, but then didn't; she wanted me in her room, she didn't want me in her room; etc. It was basically a recurrence of Angry Child, but since it stemmed from me telling her no to something she wanted, it was more typical of a tantrum she'd normally have versus Angry Child for no reason whatsoever.

Tantrum Update

Car seat tantrums: knock on wood, these seem to be a thing of the past.  Or, at least, they've moved into the infrequent category rather than the daily category.  This is huge.  I can handle a tantrum at home so much better than one while we're out and about.

General tantrums: these can happen any time for any reason, but they're generally reserved for when we're at home and I (or D) say no to something (no milk, no TV, no uppy, no ...) Recently, I've resumed using the 1,2,3/time-out approach.  I hadn't abandoned it, but I'd been inconsistent in its use, mostly because it wouldn't occur to me to do it.  In the past few days, it's worked very well at snapping her out of the tantrum early on.  If I just ignore the tantrum, then it usually amps up to a point where she has a lot of trouble getting herself under control.

Iron Man 2

We'll be seeing Iron Man 2 on our date night this week. I see it only has 72% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's still high enough to justify seeing it, though no where near the 93% the first one got. I'm not normally a superhero film kind of gal, but I really liked Iron Man.

Disclosure

Full Disclosure

In the interest of full disclosure on a few subjects ...

• Remember that post a week or so ago when I talked about Avery's tantrums lessening?  Well, the essence of the tantrum situation assessment remains accurate: they are lessening.  That said, about five minutes after I clicked the post button, Avery had a big ol' tantrum.  She was upset, I think, because I said no to carrying her up the stairs (I think I had something in my hands, but I can't remember exactly what set her off - just that it was so very minor).  She finally made her way upstairs to where I was taking a shower and continued to have a fit because I took a shower without her, yet when I offered to let her come in, she would yell no and sit down and cry.  She hadn't gone potty, as usual, in hours.  I get out of the shower and get dried off and ready.  During this time, she's now crying so hard her face is turning red and she's leaking out little drops of pee because, in that state, she won't do anything including sitting on the potty.  I realize there is now enough pee eeked out to make it wrong to not make her take a shower or bath.  I ask her which she prefers.  Predictably she wants nothing and everything.  Finally, I turned on the shower, picked up her in her jammies and all, then set her in the shower on the edge of the water.  We have a large shower, so she wasn't directly under the water, but it was enough to get the back of her jammies wet.  This snapped her right out of it and, after we removed her jammies, she proceeded to have a dandy time in the shower as if none of this had happened.  
• I also blogged a while ago about Mid-Morning Megan betraying Morning Megan regarding weekends.  We have yet to have a weekend where I have been able to make good on this.  Sometimes it has been due to our schedule where sleeping in for either of us is moot and sometimes it's because D has woken up at some insanely early hour anyway.  While I don't think anyone actually cares about accuracy in this (excepting RHG, because we all know RHG and I are all about accuracy :)), I felt it merited a follow-up so Future Megan doesn't think Past Megan was Super Megan. 
• Oil cleansing method update.  So, another month of this has revealed a few things for my skin. First, it is still, by leaps and bounds, the most effective way I've found to keep my cystic acne in check.  However, I have to be really dedicated to doing it everyday, as well as using really hot wash cloths to steam with.  If I slack off, there's an almost immediate downturn.  Fortunately, because this method works so well for me, reestablishment of the routine quickly puts things back into check.  I learned all this when I was in Colorado and didn't always follow my routine exactly.  The second thing to note is that I have found that for non-acne congestion (whiteheads and blackheads), I do need to use a salicylic acid wash once a week.  The oil cleansing method doesn't make this congestion any worse than it was before, but it doesn't clear it up either.  
• I didn't workout at all this week.  Boo.  It was a tough week, though certainly not as tough as if I'd been sick along with Avery.  It was mostly just tough due to an unexpected wrench being thrown into my routine.  When I expect a routine change, I am marginally better at accommodating it.  When it is unexpected, it seems to put me in an orbit of sloth. Not an excuse, but an observation. 

Books & Kindle

I finished up Three Cups of Tea yesterday and am moving onto Stones Into Schools.  I love reading on my Kindle so very much.  I've read all sorts of opinions on e-book readers, many of which lament the loss of the actual book, with things like bindings cracking and the smell of a book being opened being a poetic description of why physical books are so great.  I am not one of those people.  I'm all about function over form. What the Kindle allows me to do is sit in any position I want, and be able to sit that way for any period of time, while still being able to turn pages and hold the reader.  With a book, this is never true.  I find, depending on where I am in a large book, I'm relegated to certain positions.  I can't (well, don't feel like) explaining this if you don't immediately get what I'm talking about.  It just makes reading so much more comfortable. And I'm all about comfortable.

Thumbs

Up or Down?

Two thumbs up for my menu planning and execution this week.  Yes, that's only three meals since I'll be out for dinner with friends tonight, then date night on Friday night, but still.  It's better execution than usual.

Two thumbs up since I've gone to work out for three days in a row.  This is good. 

Two thumbs down, waaaaay down. I have consumed dessert on all three workout days, which undoubtedly eclipses all calories burned while working out and walking the dogs.  Not good.  Last night, I actually drove to the grocery store because I had such a craving for Laffy Taffy (yes, Amber, I was dashing up to the candy section with 2nd graders - made me think of Bend!)

Two thumbs sideways for my Diet Coke consumption. I'm definitely not at a zero level, but I rarely drink it at home despite having it available to me. And I'm not desperate to find some DC when I'm out and about. There have been times when I can't figure out why there aren't soda fountains at intersections.

Two thumbs mostly up for Avery's TV watching. I've been very good at limiting her to 30 minutes per day. As with most "rules" we lax on it a bit for traveling. The good news is that we completely solved the angry child during the night syndrome by limiting screen time. Some things I have to learn first hand rather than through the "experts."

Two thumbs cautiously pointing to the 2 o'clock and 10 o'clock positions for Avery's tantrums. To be clear, she is still having the occasional tantrum, so if you witness one, you can't call me a liar. However, it really feels like we made it over a hump. The car seat tantrums are very rare lately. And the tantrums over nothing are decreasing dramatically. We're now in a phase where I can see why people might say something crazy like, "Oh, there's no such thing as the terrible 2's." (And, yes, I know that not all kids go through the tantrums that we've had).  I'm definitely not thinking the terrible 2's are done and over with for us. Avery is far too strong willed for that sort of statement to be true, but I'm grateful for the reprieve from the daily, and exhausting, tantrums she was having.

Two thumbs sideways.  I didn't plan an activity for Avery and I for today.  It's bad because we have no plan which could lead us down a very lazy path.  It's good because it means I have flexibility and that could lead us down a very productive path. 

Copying

I keep thinking about this, so I want to get it blogged.  Every once in a while, when we're out and about, I'll look at Avery and see that she's very closely watching another person and imitating what they're doing.  I have video of her stroking her chin as she watched a man with a beard do that while we were waiting for some food.  

When we were at the airport after returning from Colorado, she spied a man crossing his legs casually as he rode down the escalator.  Watching Avery try to get herself into this same stance makes me smile, even after a couple weeks have passed.  

Playlist

Last year around this time, I used to play a Kylie Minogue song that Avery enjoyed.  She'd dance to it and ask for "more Kylie!"  I put it in a playlist of songs that Avery seemed to enjoy listening to.  The song following the Kylie song was Sweet Home Alabama.  We've not listened to that playlist for at least six months, probably more.  The other night, we switched on Kylie at my suggestion since I was tired of her favorite Michael Jackson song.  I played the song outside of any playlist, so when it stopped, it just stopped.  Avery sat there for a bit and then said, "Alabama?!"  I was shocked she remembered the next song on the playlist.  Granted, we played that playlist a lot, but I am still very impressed with her recall, especially since I don't think she could say "Alabama" back when we were listening to the playlist. 

Table Setting and Dishwasher Emptying

Avery's become my little helper. Sometimes she even says, "I'm a very good helper!"

Overall, I'd rate Avery excellent at following verbal directions, at least when she's actually paying attention and is in the proper mood.  This willingness/ability/tendency to follow directions is coming in handy now.  She will set her place at the table for most dinners, though I still have to talk her through all the items she needs to get or she'll end up with a bowl and a full set of silverware, but no napkin or plate or glass.  She loves to get her silverware.

She's now "helping" me empty the dishwasher, too.  She takes out the dishes and puts them on the island.  This is actually useful with the plates and glasses. It's counterproductive that she insists on doing it for the silverware, for each piece of silverware.  I should note here that this also works because Avery seems to naturally put glasses and plates and things fully on a surface.  I cannot recall her ever putting her glass or plate or whatever down on the table when it's precariously perched halfway on/off. 

As she was emptying the dishwasher last night, she pulled out the glass lid for one of our saucepans.  I assumed she'd put it on the island with the other items, but she recognized it and knew where it went since it's in a low drawer she can reach, so she put it away.  Granted, she basically dropped it from a standing height thereby making a very loud thud, but she remembered where it went and understood the goal of emptying the dishwasher is to put things away. She also puts her plates away in her cupboard rather than up on the counter for me to put away.  Oddly, she puts ONLY the plates in her cupboards.  She doesn't seem to recognize that she can put away her glasses or silverware.  All in due time, I guess.

I also learned last night that I should empty the sharp knives first.  I (stupidly) didn't think to do that.  I turned around and she'd put the steak knife up on the counter.  No harm, no foul, but I made sure to empty the knives first thing this morning even though she wasn't helping me.  It's a good habit to have.  

Recap

Trip recap

We had a great trip.  Avery had no travel adjustment issues.  She slept and napped well the whole time.  In fact, she was a stellar traveler all around.  We had nothing but easy on both flights.  Getting through the airport was not only easy, but a lot of fun, too.  She was so good about following instructions and didn't throw a single fit.  Now I know what it must be like to be in the group of parents whose kids didn't go through the terrible twos!  Awesome. [chant to myself: I can make it through the terrible 2's, I can make it through the terrible two's.]

We saw Uncle Collin, Aunt Denise, and Cousin Dylan one day up in Cheyenne.  We went to a park nearby where there is a science themed area that is very cool.  It is right next to the Air Force base, so there were supply planes taking off every ten minutes or so.  The planes were very large and very close, so Avery got quite excited each time we saw them.  Avery and Dylan had a good time playing together, though I don't think a few hours is enough time for either of them to truly warm up and play together as they would if they saw each other more often. It takes Avery a while to drop her guard (so to speak), and I think Dylan is the same way.  Nonetheless, it was great to see everyone!

This trip originated because of a planned reunion of our coworkers from Tactica Denver.  Many of us have moved away and/or had children, so we all met up in Denver for a weekend to catch up and meet offspring.  The BBQ, hosted by Vic and Mike, was a lot of fun.  I hadn't seen one couple since our wedding over seven years ago!  In fact, the husband of this couple is somewhat responsible for D and I meeting since he was the one who encouraged me to apply with Tactica where I met D just a few days after starting there.  I worked with Brett at Andersen/Accenture, then with his wife, Catherine, at Tactica.

I think those at the reunion who don't yet have kids were a bit overwhelmed by the chaos.  Interestingly, I didn't really notice the chaos.  It was only afterwards when I asked how they enjoyed the BBQ that I realized all the children and babies were a bit overwhelming (food everywhere, screaming around running, the constant movement, etc).

D and I, predictably, stayed at Vic & Mike's house.  Avery loved hanging out with Uncle Mike and Aunt Vic.  Every time Mike left the room, she would inquire as to his whereabouts.  Victoria gave Avery a stuffed bunny that Avery fell in love with.  She even took it to bed with her!  Avery has never, since she's been able to physically chuck the stuffed animals away from her, slept with a doll or a stuffed animal.  She typically surrounds herself with bibs, but never with dolls or stuffed animals.  This time, she slept all curled up with the bunny.  We'll see if she has the same affinity for it when I show it to her tonight.

Avery and Elise played so amazingly well together for the entire BBQ.  Being on neutral ground seemed to remove most of the territory battles that come up when we have Elise at our house or Avery at the G's house.  Avery brought her ladybug bag on the trip.  Elise and Avery spent a good two hours walking around the yard taking turns wearing or pulling the bag.  They would help the other put the bag on and ask each other nicely for a turn.  I was bursting from pride for both Avery and Elise.  I think there was a cracker incident at some point, but aside from that, those two were just perfect with each other. 

Travel Highlights

1. We ate at McDonald's before boarding our flight home due to time constraints.  Avery doesn't like anything from McDonald's other than the fries (we once tried a Happy Meal for her, as a special treat, but she rejected it; we also haven't encouraged her to try things there for obvious reasons).  So we put her container of snacks in front of her and let her eat that for lunch.  We ate McD's and she ate broccoli, strawberries, carrots, crackers, and some fries.  Best part: when we were leaving McD's, she wanted to sit in the car seat and be pulled along in the car seat stroller, but also requested broccoli as her snack in the stroller.  A couple of tougher-looking guys were sitting at a nearby table.  They watched this and then said, "Awesome!"  I was so proud of her for choosing the broccoli, especially since she had fries sitting in front of her at the time.
2. Avery had some energy to burn before we boarded the flight.  D was sitting in his chair and I sat on the ground a fair distance away.  Avery would run between us, leaping into my arms to give me a huge hug each time she ran to me.  Best feeling ever. 
3. Not one bit of issue getting Avery into the car seat on the flights or anytime surrounding the flights. Woot!

Sleep

For the most part, Avery slept in her bed, but some mornings, she'd come up into our bed to sleep for a couple of hours.  One morning, we woke up slowly and without talking.  I opened my eyes and saw Avery staring at me with her eyes opened.  I smiled and she smiled back.  Then she turned to D and they did the same thing.  Then she turned back and we did the same thing.  If I could bottle up the sweetness of that moment ...

At Mom's house, Avery slept on an air mattress on the floor next to the bed in which I was sleeping.  This worked perfectly.  At Vic & Mike's house, Avery slept on a futon mattress on the floor next to our bed.  That also worked perfectly, except for the first night.  She went right to sleep, but woke up shortly after D and I were in bed and starting to nod off.  Normally, if she wakes up a bit, she just rolls over and goes back to sleep.  However, she hadn't seen D for several days, so she started asking for her daddy.  I didn't have the desire to convince her to go back to sleep in her bed, but I also didn't want to share our full size bed with both her and D.  So I pulled her up to sleep with D and I got down and slept on the futon.  I slept quite well!  She slept on the futon all other nights, but joined us in bed for the last hour or two of sleep in the mornings. 

Shift?

It feels as if there has been a shift in Avery's tantrums in the last week or so.  It might have been because we were traveling, but I'm hopeful they might be subsiding a bit.  She did have one car seat tantrum on the way to brunch on Sunday morning, but relative to others she's had, it was minor.  She's also been really, really sweet lately.  This morning she was very cooperative getting ready and we negotiated well on the elements she is less fond of (namely, putting socks on with her Crocs and letting me comb her hair and put it up for school).  

Trips

We also booked a couple of vacations with Vic and Mike.  They've wanted to join us in Mexico a number of times, but timing or cost of flights hasn't worked out.  D & I had been pondering a trip in October (in lieu of a Christmas trip), however, that's usually when we go to Vegas with Vic and Mike.  So we decided to do a Vegas trip in July (sans Avery) and a Mexico trip in October.  Yes, Vegas in July will be hot, but we are indoors almost the entire time while in Vegas, so what's the difference if it's really hot?  

Onward With Today!

And now, I must clean the house, get our bags unpacked, do laundry, and figure out meals for the week.  I feel like the house is just a pit of dog hair.  Perhaps I feel this way because it is a pit of dog hair.  Oh puppies, why must you be so hairy?