I did Nolan's potty chart today. Later, I'm going to start a new chart for Avery to be used as a single place for her to earn tokens for staying in bed all night and for doing various chores around the house. It'll replace her currently system where she earns tickets. It's the same concept, just a single chart. Plus, she's always a bit jealous when I make charts for other kids, so I decided I should make one for her too.
If anyone else would like me to make reward/motivational charts for you, just let me know. I'm happy to do so for the cost of the supplies.
Date Night
D and I went to see Take Shelter last night. If you want to see a movie that makes you feel jittery, one that shows what it must feel like to go crazy, this is the movie for you. The very last scene made me mad, but the movie definitely achieved the crazy goal. Intensely watchable. We tried to go see Margin Call as a second movie, but it was sold out since it's only showing at one theater in the area and that theater is teeny tiny. Instead of going to see another movie, we decided to head home and catch up on some boob tube. Avery spent the night at the G's house, so we just ordered in pizza (gluten free for me) and had ourselves a nice lazy night.
Composting
The food scrap compositing program for Portland has finally started. I'm ridiculously enthused about it. I've always wanted to compost, but I don't want anything to do with the actual compost pile. The biggest change in my recycling and trash system is that I've just found out that facial tissues can be composted (thanks to Amber for having a SIL in charge of the program). I use a lot of tissues because my nose is always running. This means I need a lot of places around the house to deposit tissues that will eventually make their way into the compost bin.
With this new system, I have also realized that we need to switch the bins we use in our kitchen trashcan. We have so little trash, that the bigger bin needs to be used for recycling and the smaller one used for trash. I've been waiting for our trash bag to fill up all week to make the switch and it hasn't yet filled up, so our trash has definitely gone down quite a bit. Of course, since I recycle plastic bags and rigid plastics that aren't taken by the curbside program, we had relatively little trash to begin with.
Fits
Avery just had one of her 30 minute crying fits. This one started because I said she couldn't have a sippy cup of milk with lunch. She can have a glass of milk, but not a sippy cup. If I let her have sippy cups anytime other than quiet time and night time, then she just sucks down near ½ gallon of milk a day and her food intake plummets. So, as always, I said no. This started the meltdown, though I maintain that when these meltdowns happen, it's only about the triggering incident for about 3 minutes, then it just becomes a fit for the sake of a fit.
I'm not sure what I have documented here and what I have not, and I don't feel like checking, so this may be a recap. After discussing this issue a few months back with some mom-friends (namely Amber and Stacey), I have been trying a new approach with these fits. Avery's not had many of these fits in the past few months. This is maybe the third one. Something like that. In any case, my approach is now that I try the time out (which never works with these types of fits, but I try them nonetheless, just in case this isn't this type of fit). After that, I explain to Avery that I won't talk with her or pick her up or be around her when she's speaking to me disrespectfully. This is where my patience has to kick in because she will cry for another 20 minutes or so. During this time she says she is injured (yes, she uses the word "injured"); she says she wants to tell me something important; she says she wants "please uppy please"; she says I hurt her feelings; she says that she wants daddy. She just alternates between what she's screaming. Eventually, as with the fit today, she walks to me. Even though she's still crying at that point, I know it'll stop when we talk about it and cuddle. It's so hard for me to sit through this since *I'm* ready to cuddle and talk it out on minute 3. If I even try to approach her on minute 3, there's no talking to her or cuddling with her or trying to reason. She just kicks her screaming up a notch or ups the list of her demands. There's something about forcing her to come to me for us to talk it through that allows her to snap out of it and return the to the sweet, reasonable child she is 95% of the time.
I feel confident that letting her scream it out, then forcing her to come to me is the right thing to do, at least at this point in time. This is in comparison me going back to her every 3 minutes to repeat that I will cuddle with her/do whatever as soon as she stops screaming. It just feels like she's making emotional progress when she has to come to me versus me taking the initiative when I see the switch has flipped back to a point where she can hear me talking and respond.
While I feel like this approach is better, I'm not sure it's lessening the duration of the fits any. They still go on for 30-45 minutes. They are a fairly rare occurrence, so that's good. And there are certain factors that are typically present in order for her to be triggered: it's typically when she's tired and/or hungry and/or way overstimulated.
These are the moments that I find hardest in parenting. When I go an approach that feels right, but the outcome of my choice isn't immediately obvious. Is it working? Is it the right thing to do? And now I get why, when asked if parenting gets easier or harder as kids get older, the response is often, "Easier in some ways, harder in others."
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