Vegas trip bullets
- Vegas was great. We didn't do much other than lounge, eat, sleep, and eat. For the first time, we rented a poolside cabana. That is on my "must do" list for Vegas from now on. It made all the difference in my enjoyment of the pool. Guaranteed shade - check. Misters - check. Personal cabana attendant - check. Plenty of room to leave my stuff laying around - check. Since I don't actually ever go in the pool, lounging accommodations are key for me.
- We didn't make reservations at any fancy places this time, but did eat at a nice tapas place, Julian Serrano, in Aria couple of times. I'm not a huge fan of mushroom risotto normally, but I absolutely loved it there. It was perfect.
- Vic was quite pregnant looking. She's due on Labor Day. She and Mike haven't gone all sappy with the pregnancy. That's the hardest thing about friends having babies, imho - are they going to completely change and go all sappy? So far, we're looking good.
- Avery did great while we were gone. She apparently said twice that she missed us: once the day we left, then once on Sunday. When she said it on Sunday, RHG explained we'd be back the next day and this was an acceptable answer for her. When we went to pick her up at school on Monday afternoon, she ran towards me fast and furious and looked like she was about to cry, but just ended up hugging me tightly and saying "mommy" over and over. It was so wonderful to get back for that hug.
- We didn't pack until the morning of our outbound 9:30 flight to Vegas. In case you're wondering, that's not a good idea. In case you're wondering, I'm sure I'll still do it the next time we have a 9:30 flight.
- We hit In N Out twice. Each time I ordered my burger protein style. I am very pleased to report it really didn't diminish my enjoyment of the burger! In N Out uses such high quality lettuce that it does substitute as a bun in function. Ordering a Burgerville burger protein style (i.e. bunless and wrapped in lettuce) is less successful since they use a less rigid lettuce. It makes it much harder to eat.
- I paid $8.65 for 1 liter of water in the hotel. I'm still floored by that. Still.
Patience Bucket & Eddie 2005
I've been thinking a lot about my feelings during this post-Eddie time. I bawled like a baby during the actual euthanasia session, however, I haven't cried since then. I haven't even felt much more than wistful. In fact, it feels like a gigantic weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It feels like I have a spring in my step. Like I'm not trudging through mud everyday. While I was aware that Eddie and his deterioration were weighing on me, I didn't realize the extent to which it was affecting me.
I think many years ago, the loss of a pet didn't elicit much empathy from others. It was more a shrug of the shoulders type thing from what I've read. That is definitely not the case now. In fact, the empathy was almost too much because I felt somewhat emotionally inadequate in that I dealt with his death so well. Thinking about it, I believe it's because I grieved Eddie's death during the last years of his life, rather than after his death. For the previous two years, I would occasionally start crying on a walk when I'd think about Eddie not being able to do the trail walk anymore. Or I'd start crying when I thought about losing him. Each time I cleaned up yet another pile of poop, I'd remind myself to be patient and kind to Eddie because there would soon be a time when he wasn't around. This type of grieving took a toll on me. I don't have an infinite patience bucket. When my patience bucket is empty, I feel overwhelmed and irritable. And much of my patience bucket was being used during the first morning accident with Eddie. Trying to replenish the bucket throughout the day as more and more accidents were happening, and my 3yo was acting like a 3yo, just wasn't working.
At the time, I kept thinking, "It's just poop. You clean it up and move on with you day. Why am I finding this so difficult?" The patience bucket concept hadn't entered my mind. But it's really hard to run the day's race when you come out of the starting gate and trip into a pile of shit.
Eddie was a terrific dog. I miss the Eddie of 2005. I miss his spirit and his love. I miss his happiness and enthusiasm for life. I miss Eddie 2005.
Avery & Sleep
It's been a while since I've documented Avery's new nighttime habits. I like to go back and see how we progressed or regressed, so here goes. One recent change is nice and holding somewhat strong. For the past couple of months, around 6:15 or 6:30, Avery willaskinsist on going to bed. Normally we start the bedtime routine around 7:30 and wrap up with it about 8:00 or 8:15. On these nights when she insists on starting early, we wrap up about 7:00. She does not usually go to sleep any earlier on these nights, but rather chooses to play in her room or on her picnic blanket (i.e. a blanket placed on the floor at the threshold of her door). She plays dress up, makes patterns using her bibs, plays with cars, puts her babies to sleep, whatever. Sometimes she does her best to get out of her room. The only thing that releases her from her room is going potty, but she's trying a few other things. For example, last night, first she said she needed her bibs that she'd left in the living room. We granted permission because her bibs are always important to her (meaning, this isn't a made up thing that she really wants). A while later she said she wanted to go potty. That was obviously granted. The next time she announced she needed to come downstairs because she wanted to show us the hole in her bib. To that both D and I answered an emphatic, "No!" and Avery ceased her tricks to escape her room for the evening.
For the most part, we still take the approach that she chooses when to go to sleep once we leave her room, but she must be somewhat quiet and in her room once we leave. For the most part, this results in an extra 30 minutes or so of quiet playing (sometimes more, usually less) before she finally decides to go to sleep. It works for us too because it takes the power struggle out of bed time since she never actually protests starting the nighttime routine. I'm consistently and eternally grateful* she doesn't protest at all when we announce it's time to go to bed. We have all sorts of other battles during the day (combing her hair, brushing her teeth properly, getting dressed, etc), so a battle for bedtime when I'm most tired is not one that I want.
For the past, man, I don't know how long ... 6 months? More? Less? Anyway, for a long period of time now, she's been sleeping in our bed for anywhere from 1-6 hours in the early morning hours, depending upon her arrival time. D has pondered whether we should do something about it, as have I. I have landed in the camp of it doesn't bother me, she goes to sleep in her own bed/floor alone without a fuss, and I like having her sleep with us for a bit, so what's the harm? I think I might have a different reaction if she wasn't able to fall asleep on her own, or insisted that she fall asleep in our bed, but I don't know. All I know is that since it doesn't keep me awake like it did when she was a baby, I don't mind having her sleep with us. I actually really like it most of the time. The other night she wandered into our room on the early side of the night and D and I were still awake reading. She opened the door and paused when she saw our lights on. Her hair was all tousled, she was very sleepy looking and she was "sneaking" quietly into the room. We said it was OK for her to come in, at which point she woke up completely and started jabbering away about coming into our room and how she just needed to bring in a bunch of bibs. After fetching about 20 bibs and placing them in our bed, she climbed up and proceeded to fall asleep within a minute with D and I smiling at each other the whole time.
Offspring Goggles
Talking about the smile between D and I when Avery joins us in our room, or when she's just talking and talking and talking about something, reminds me of a post Heather did called Shared Sight.* Don't ask me to compare these two things for which I'm eternally grateful since I cannot think logically when sleep is involved. Also asterisked because I wanted to note that yes, I do know I used this sappy phrase twice in one post, but I meant it both times.
I can't speak for all parents, but I know Todd and I see our children with biased eyes. When we spout the clichés about Eddie and Mari being the two most interesting, captivating children we've ever met, we actually mean it. We delight in learning more about therm. And I'm perfectly aware that others don't think they're as amazing as Todd and I do. Even their grandparents don't have quite the same fascination. It's a parent thing.
While Heather was addressing this shared sight in terms of open adoption, I see it similar to what I call Offspring Goggles - like beer goggles, only with children. The goggles don't eliminate my ability to see Avery's misbehavior or offenses towards other children - as if she has any ;) - but they definitely enhance her infinitely in our eyes. One of the greatest gifts of parenthood, to me, is the shared love D and I have for Avery. No matter what, I can go on and on and on about how cute and how smart and how everything Avery is to D, and he always sees it the same way. Because, damn it, we just adore that little girl so very much. She's just perfect to us. Even her imperfections are perfect to us. We both know, as I think all parents do, that others don't see her the same way we do. We know that what is adorable and amazing to us is usually just another skill most kids acquire at some point, yet we still get to experience this elation together. And that we get to do that because we are still married and both still alive and still happy together is something for which I'm eternally grateful*.
Just catching up after a while and read this post about Eddie, which made me tear up. I knew him in 2006 and he was still a pretty great dog. Milo is still doing OK but I know I will have to face hard decisions within a few years...
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