the awkward update

I'm still trying to figure out how and what to communicate about the new trajectory of my life. I guess I'll just do an awkward update every so often. :) 

Everyone who is friends with me on FB probably noticed that I changed my name back to my maiden name. I'm in the process of making this legal change. The divorce will happen, but is not yet in process. I am choosing to change my name now because I want to do a job search under my maiden name so I'll be known as that from the get go.

FYI, I changed my email address, too (see FB profile). It's the same except for the last name - replace s**** with m**** (where the asterisks are the letters of current last name and maiden name). Emails sent to my old email address are being forwarded to my new one.

Along with my name change, Avery will be changing her last name to a hyphenated version of my name and D's name (i.e. [my last name]-[Damian's last name]). That won't happen legally until she's back from an international trip with D in August, however, she will enter kindergarten being known by that last name. 

Things continue to be extremely amicable between D and me. Mom said we seem to be the happiest divorced (even though we're not yet officially divorced) people. I think she's right. While I'm not happy that this has happened, and I would have steered a different course through these rocky waters were I the only one navigating, I am happy in life overall. I have forgiven D for the things that I feel he needed to be forgiven for. I believe the same is true for him. So there you go. 

Avery has been told about the divorce. She handled it extremely well, and continues to do well. The adjustment was much easier than the adjustment after we had the separation discussion. She is excited to have a new name, though has realized that it adds letters to her last name. 

Our Avery-time/duty sharing continues to be the format that has been working best for us:

• daddy evening on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I usually join them for dinner, then we all come back to my place where D does the bedtime routine with Avery, then he heads to his place.
• daddy lunches on Thursdays, though this hasn't happened in a while due to scheduling.
• at noon on Saturday, I "hand off" (hate that phrase) Avery to D, typically over a family lunch. He has her for the next 24 hours. 
• at noon on Sunday, D "hands off" Avery to me, again typically over a family lunch. 
• all times not listed as daddy time, I am the primary caregiver and Avery is with me, or I'm in charge of her transportation to and from activities/playdates, etc
• the schedule is fluid in terms of changing for one-off things. we're both very flexible and have no interest in limiting Avery's time with the other parent.

Avery does just fine at handoffs now. There's rarely any resistance to switching parents. We probably spend more time together now as a family than we did before (odd, but true), so that part of things is a good thing for Avery, imho. At first we followed Avery's therapist's advice that we get her a backpack that she can take back and forth between places with her special things, etc. However, Avery showed no attachment to things inside it and had little interest in keeping track of what items were in it. So she usually just goes back and forth without any items to handoff since she's got clothes and toys, etc at both places.