Roast

Last Full Day

This is our last full day here.  I've now decided that about 8-10 days is the right length (for me) for a visit down here.  Two weeks is too long.  With Avery, we need to keep doing things - walks, the pool, SOMETHING - and all I want to do after a period of time is sit around the casa and read.  To be clear, that's pretty much all I want to do at first, too, but I find it much easier to force myself to do the things I don't enjoy as much (beach, pool).  Yes, I realize how utterly ridiculous it is to be a non-beach and non-pool person and have a house here.  It is what it is.

D made a roast for lunch today with some delicious roast potatoes and cauliflower, so we ate well this afternoon.  I would imagine there will be a trip to the pool soon, but I'm not going to go.  I decided yesterday I was just done with it.  Avery loves swimming just as much as at the start, but also likes to play by the side of the pool, getting in and out of the lounge chairs and pretending to get "coins" (aka the stones in the landscaping). I like watching her swim and play, but I'm just done for this visit down here. 

Bites

Part of my readiness to be home is the ever increasing number of bites Avery is getting.  For some reason, she has way more than anyone else.  Each one just makes me worry a little bit more and feel less able to protect her. She is not bothered at all by them, but each new one causes me a little more anxiety.  I haven't been worried about her health until one she got yesterday morning.  It started out like a normal mosquito-looking bite, then slowly the red spot expanded and started to swell.  By the evening, it was swollen enough that you can see it's swell from a profile view of it.  I took a few pictures with my iPhone and emailed them to two doctor friends to see if we should take her to the hospital, or if it was safe to wait until morning to see how it did.  They both responded the same and said the hospital probably couldn't do anything and that we should give her Benadryl or apply hydrocortisone cream.  We applied what we had (some anti itch cream) and it's much better looking this morning, though still red.  

Anxiety

I can feel my anxiety levels increasing.  I am not sure if it's the knowledge that we're going home or because I'm so ready to be home or something else that hasn't crossed my conscious mind.  I took an additional pill last night (an anti-anxiety med in addition to my daily anti-depressant) in an attempt to relieve my nightly jaw clenching.  I woke up a lot more refreshed than usual, probably due to getting more sleep since the pill makes me sleepy, as well as lessened clenching.

Anxiety is frustrating for me since I can't really pinpoint the causes.  Sometimes I can (too much noise or commotion makes me more on edge, for example), but most of the time I find myself clenching and I haven't been thinking or feeling anything I would consider anxiety causing.  It's times like these I start to tell myself all of this is in my head, that I'm being wussy about everything, and there's nothing wrong.  But that train of thought gets me no where since I know from experience I cannot will myself out of this.  That path only leads to a crash like Nov. 2008.