Powerless

Fuck! (Warning: This is a huge bitching section and I'm not going to apologize for that.)

Seriously, I'm so pissed off with my voice right now.  I'm just boiling inside.  It's so fucking difficult to be around Avery when I can't talk.  If she asks a question and I don't answer, she'll just ask it again and again and again.  This syndrome is especially bad in the car.  However, it's really constant throughout the day.  I didn't exactly follow doctor's orders when I kept talking rather than remaining completely silent (how am I supposed to do that when I have a 2.5 yo?), but I'm so frustrated right now.  I think I must be tensing my body as a result of the frustration because I'm getting muscle spasms all over.

I'm able to at least talk when I need to right now, and I can talk and carry on conversations if I need/want to, but the thing is that I pay for it later that night and then next day.  My throat feels like I've swallowed gravel right now because of all the talking today.  Relatively speaking, I haven't talked that much, but it's still awful.  I can't explain to Avery why this and that effectively, so the mini-tantrums are through the roof.  We've also dropped her nap on days she's not in school and she is Cranky with a capital c (in case you missed that capital c there) by 4 pm.

Tomorrow, we have a playdate in the morning followed by dance class at 11:30.  Other than the playdate, I plan to talk as little as is possible.  The rest of the day I'm parking Avery in front of the TV.  My voice just can't handle trying to be a real parent.  I want to cry I'm so frustrated.  I have all this energy (FINALLY!) and I can't make full use of it because of my fucking voice!  ARGH!

Powerless is the word I'm searching for to describe this feeling of frustration.  I feel powerless to properly parent Avery; I feel powerless in terms of getting my voice to work; I feel powerless in removing this frustration. 

Shopping

Given Avery's love of clothing, I'm embracing my inner-shopper.  I wouldn't naturally pick out frilly tutus and pink ruffles, but if she's going to wear them, I might as well find ones I find cute.  My current weakness is Zulily (damn you for introducing me to it, Christie!) It's where I got her purple skirt for the sleeping reward, the purple dress that is her current sleeping reward waiting to be earned, and a yellow princess dress. 

Today, I let Avery pick out a few dresses she liked, then asked her to pick her favorite to be her next sleeping reward.  She picked this one.  I think it's pretty (as pink dresses go ... I dress in olive green and gray all the time, so clearly I'm not a pink person).

Tumble Bugs class

Today was our first of three Tumble Bugs classes.  It is with Miss Erika, the same teacher who will do her dance class tomorrow.  I love Miss Erika.  She doesn't put up with any crap from the kids, but is still enthusiastic and fun.  Thinking about it, she is pretty much what you'd expect a trained dance teacher to be.

Avery had a great time.  She absolutely loved it and dived right in.  From a motor coordination perspective, there was little that challenged Avery.  However, from a following instructions perspective, it was right up her alley and she was challenged to do the stretches and poses exactly the same as Miss Erika.