Boy

---

More food & energy talk ... blah, blah, blah

I keep doing an update in my head on the food/diet/energy situation.  The only way to stop the update in my head is to do an update on the blog.  It's therapy, I guess. Since my gluten binge a week or so ago, I've been good at avoiding gluten.  I did ingest gluten once in a sauce I ordered on my hot wok at New Seasons, but it was inadvertent and resulted in a very small amount of gluten. I've discovered New Seasons carries a pumpkin bundt cake that is gluten free and fabulous.  I love discovering gluten free things that I like better than the regular versions.  Also, as a result of having to switch sauces due to the aforementioned gluten discovery, I have found a new sauce for my wok that, yes, I like better than the other one.  It's good to have something to push me away from my usual fare.

That is all good news.  The bad news is that I've noticed a marked upswing in napping.  At first I figured it was just the gluten working its way out of my system.  However, it's still there.  I'm chalking it up to a few things: too much sugar on some days; an increase needed in my medication dosage (I've been on the increased dose for two days); and perhaps what I'm not eating.

With regards to my last point, it occurred to me when trying to figure out why the increased napping that perhaps it wasn't what I was eating, but what I was not eating.  When I was feeling my best, I was avoiding gluten, but I was also eating a lot more fresh vegetables and leafy greens.  I love vegetables and I love fruit.  I do not love preparing those things, even thought preparing is merely chopping in most cases.  I tend to fall into my old habits of not including fresh veggies and fruit in every meal.  So, I have made a concerted effort to have fresh fruit and/or veg at every meal.  I think that helps.  We'll see.

As I type all of this, I'm reminded that I've found myself often thinking, "No one else seems to work this hard to achieve energy."  At least, it doesn't seem that way to me.  It could be I'm a bigger wuss; it could be that I'm merely articulating all the ways I work to achieve it; it could be that other people naturally eat better than I do; it could be that other people have better habits related to other things that result in better energy (working out more often, etc).  However, I think it doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I accept this is the way I am.  Have you ever noticed how some people can eat all sorts of sugar and fat deviate from a healthy diet with seemingly no consequences in their weight?  Yet another person might indulge rarely and yet struggle to keep weight off?  Well, weight-wise, I have typically been in the OK-to-indulge category.  As I've gotten older, this is less true, but it's still a relatively small amount.  However, I need to look at things differently.  I don't have to worry (too much) about indulgences affecting my waist line; I do need to worry about how they affect my energy.  I think it's going to take a while before I truly learn the lessons related to what I can handle and what I can't.  I accept this.  But I also need to accept that this isn't a one-month effort.  It's going to be a daily effort for life to ensure that I can function like a normal person.

---

DC, then Seattle

We leave soon for our trip to DC.  As it nears, I'm getting more and more excited. My friend, Jeremy, called today and may be able to get us tickets to the Easter Egg Roll after all.  No guarantee yet, but I'm excited it may still happen.  Yes, Christie, I will take a real camera and not just take iPhone pictures.

When we get back from DC, we're home three days, then we head up to Seattle for several days.  D has meetings galore for a period of five days, some of which I'm invited to, so we're making it a family trip.  I have no activities planned for Seattle as of yet. 

---

Pregnant Friends Galore

Two of my best friends are pregnant and due within 2.5 weeks of each other.  RHG is having a girl; Vic is having a boy. Phew, dodged the "who is this hand-me-down going to?" bullet.

Had you told me even 2.5 years ago that I'd be in the situation where having two such good friends pregnant at the same time would result in me being excited for both of them, I wouldn't have believed you.  The pregnancies of others, given the infertility of the past, has never been a thing to be excited about.  I didn't even get that excited before infertility, so you add the bitterness and anger and frustration at not getting pregnant to the mix, and basically I couldn't have cared less about anyone's pregnancy.  So I have to say, when I found out RHG was pregnant again and found I was truly excited about it, I was thrilled - both for RHG (who definitely beared most of the burden of my lack of pregnant-person-enthusiasm) and for me.  Then, a bit later, I found out that Victoria was pregnant.  And I was so freaking happy that I called her.  I don't call people.  I hate the phone.  But I started to email her back and then realized I had to call.  Also, how many times do you really have to opportunity to just yell, "Holy fuck!" into the phone when the other person answers?  Not many.

All this is to say that I feel so freakin' good.  It is so freeing to be happy for other people in situations where you should be happy for them.  I long ago forgave myself for the bitterness I felt about other people's pregnancies.  Even at the time, I knew that wasn't an indicator as to how I felt about the baby. I never felt anything but happiness for the resulting baby.  I just didn't want to celebrate the damn event for nine months (more like six by the time I usually found out, but six months is still a long time for oohhhing and awwwing over something you're less than enthused about).  This time, however, I'm able to do it and you know what?  Nine months is a long freakin' time to wait for a baby to show up.  I barely made it to today when I found out Vic's baby's gender.  Want to know how long it took us to find out Avery's gender?  2 seconds*.

Adoption counselor: '... a baby's been born, here are some details ...'  
Damian: "Is it a boy or a girl?" 
Counselor: "A girl!" 

* For the sake of humor, we'll pretend like this conversation wasn't preceded by years of infertility pain and then gobs of paperwork for the adoption process.