Funky funkity funk
My lack of blogging is the usual: a sort of funk. I spent all day on Thursday - and I mean ALL DAY - laying in bed staring at the ceiling or sleeping or watching TV. All day. What a waste. Meanwhile, the house was filthy and I hadn't caught up on laundry since returning from Seattle. I actually resorted to using a black Sharpie to fix some bleach stains on a pair black pants so I had some clean pants to wear. At least the pants were clean. And the Sharpie actually did quite a good job, so this really isn't the sob story it started out to be.
Yesterday, I had a much better day. I took Avery to school earlier than usual simply because we were both ready. When I got home, I got laundry going, then took the dogs out for a walk. Eddie just made it around the block before his back paw started dragging, so I then dropped him off at home, then took Turtle out for a big walk. This morning, it's Turtle's paw that is bleeding. She isn't limping and won't let me look at the paw. Sigh. Another potential trip to the vet.
The Eddie Situation
Speaking of trips to the vet, Eddie's visit yielded an answer as to what we should do about Eddie, but the answer still leaves us in limbo. The short answer is the vet said now is an appropriate time to put Eddie to sleep. He's in constant discomfort. However, he's not in excessive pain. Pain, yes. Excessive pain, probably not. So, we can choose to wait until he reaches the point where he is in excessive pain or when he can no longer go up and down the stairs, etc. Or we can do it before he reaches that point. He's got weeks to 3 (ish) months before we hit the excessive pain point, the vet thinks. I'm ready to put him to sleep; D is not there quite yet. That I'm ready is partly because I'm just ready to be done picking up poop in the house everyday, and I'm ready to have one less being looking to me to care for him all the time. This part of me feels immense guilt for these feelings. The not guilty part of me is ready because I don't want to see him get to excessive pain, nor do I think his quality of life is very good right now. He can't go on daily walks. He can only go a short distance before we come back. He spends most of his day moving from room to room, following me, trying to get in a comfortable position. He pants and pants and pants, which can't be restful. Since the latter two behaviors are really annoying, both D and I often snap at him. He's also sleeping in the garage, rather than in the house with Turtle and us; however, I don't actually think he minds that at all, so I can't really list that as a bad quality of life.
Anyway, the vet did give us some more medication for him, but not for pain. This is an antidepressant for people that he says sometimes helps dogs with anxiety (excessive panting, following from room to room). It's definitely working on the panting. He still follows me around, but perhaps it's not quite as bad as it was - I'm not sure on that one. Either way, I'm less annoyed, so I feel better able to handle the time between now and when D reaches the point where he's also ready. After discussing it this afternoon, D has decided he'd like to wait until the end of summer so Eddie can enjoy being out on the deck and enjoy the summer. This assumes, of course, that the pain doesn't ramp up. Right now, I think he'll be able to handle it since he's taking his pain medication more regularly.
D talked to Avery the other night about the fact that Eddie's going to die. Avery understands he'll die and he'll be gone, but she says it's for a "long, long, long time." Then she says, "but that's OK, because we have Turtle Girlie!" She doesn't seem to show any true sadness about it yet. I think she does somewhat get death because, since that conversation took place, she'll say things like, "I don't want you ever to die, Mommy," or, "I won't let you die, Mommy." Yesterday, she said something about not wanting Daddy to die. I keep assuring her we're not going to die for a very long time. As with most of these topics when they're merely speculation, I'm very far removed from emotion with them. I don't cry about Eddie unless I'm actually thinking through the process of putting him to sleep and what that means. I did end up bawling in the vet's office, but I think that's to be expected.
Motorcycle
D bought his motorcycle today. It turned into an all day affair. He ended up going with a Kawasaki Ninja after reading that it was a good bike for new riders. It's apple green, so I approve of the color.
Date Nights
The G kids just left. Tomorrow will be our date night since we Friday night was my book club meeting. There are many movies I want to see. This could be a difficult decision.
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